


hence this must be true

by pigeonholeprinciple (pigeonsatdawn)



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Bets, Deals, Deductive Reasoning, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Matchmaking, Romance, Self-Indulgent, because I say so, free therapy, in this fic we pretend the ps doesn't exist, more like me being a little shit and projecting into the characters, s1 feels, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 45,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonsatdawn/pseuds/pigeonholeprinciple
Summary: it doesn’t take much to get people to admit their feelings—and between a human lie detector and a logically inclined man, no flimsy argument gets past the (acting) couple, who are way too mischievous and ambitious for their own good.(lauren and kieran use their big brains to play matchmaker (and as an unfortunate extension, therapist) on their coworkers because they can, and because i, as the author, wills it)
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White, Lila Desroses/Lukas "Grumpy Cat" Randall, William Hawkes/Kym Ladell
Comments: 220
Kudos: 259





	1. praemissa

**Author's Note:**

> me in my kieran analysis: “this is not about logic”  
> me here: so today i will logic the shit outta feelings because i can—
> 
> disclaimer: i have absolutely no idea what this fic is supposed to be  
> there is literally nothing unique about this prompt, but also, in light of all the trauma in the current canon timeline, i thought i might as well write something trauma-less for a change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _praemissa_ — premise

**“WELL THAT WAS** one heavy sigh, officer.” 

Lauren Sinclair spares the archivist a single glance, before feeling the headache build up in her head. “Do you have anything better to say, or are you here to simply state the obvious?”

“If the gesture hasn’t been clear enough, I’m offering an ear for you to, I don’t know, perhaps share your concerns?”

She gives him a blank stare.

Kieran White takes off his glasses, an eyebrow arched. “I mean, almost all your concerns are my concerns. Who better than myself to be sharing it to? Unless you feel like spilling our secrets to your friends, but I’ve still some hope that you’re smart enough _not_ to do that.”

Lauren starts walking, heading for the lockers, with him following closely behind. “This concern has nothing to do with you, and I’d rather not have you involved in my life more than you already are.”

“Didn’t know I make up such a huge part of your life, officer,” Kieran snickers. Lauren doesn’t hesitate in her glare, nor does he falter, all too used to it. “Well, rather than wallowing over unnecessary concerns, why don’t we mull over _more_ important concerns? Like, say, a certain explosion that may or may not happen in the near future?”

“What in the twisted world of a head you have makes you think that thinking about an explosion would make me feel better over a simple office romance?” Lauren spits in annoyance, stopping to look him entirely in the eye, before realizing what she’s said.

Kieran, clearly, hasn’t missed the words, and she curses heaven and above for her impulsiveness and his attentiveness. “You’re telling me—” he snorts before he even finishes speaking, “—that what’s been bothering you is an _office romance_?”

Lauren flushes, knowing refuting it will only be futile. At this, Kieran starts full-blown laughing.

“Oh, darling, you’re simply _adorable_ ,” Kieran says through his laughing fit. Lauren simply asserts her glare at him, pushing the door to the locker room with more force than needed. She does not hold the door for Kieran, and he nearly crashes against it, but in his euphoria he does not mind. When his laughter fades a little, he manages out, “You’re lucky to have me at your disposal, truly. Tell me, love, what is it? Does someone have feelings for you? Do _you_ , perchance, have feelings for someone? Is it the Hawkes? He does make a fine man, though I suspect he’s a little too infatuated with the Sergeant for you to be admiring—”

“If only he wasn’t,” Lauren mutters under her breath, unlocking her locker, and Kieran halts.

“You’re—you seriously—you actually _like_ him?”

Lauren whips her head at him, staring at him incredulously. “What in the mindfuck— _no_ , Kieran, I don’t like my own best friend. I’ve known him for my entire life—that’s just— _eugh_ ,” Lauren gags at the mere thought.

“Then why do you—”

She slams a hand against the locker next to her, and Kieran jumps, eyes wide. “William. Kym. Two fucking idiots I call my best friends. They’re _infatuated_ with each other, and they keep— _gods,_ they keep staring at each other throughout work—I don’t know how they’re so damn blind as to not notice that they like each other!”

Realization dawns on Kieran’s face, and his lips part into a huge ‘ahh’. “You’re experiencing third-person sexual tension, is the problem? Could’ve just said so from the beginning. Don’t worry, we all know how it feels. They are quite the… oblivious people. It’s not much of a wonder they’re your best friends.”

Lauren doesn’t quite register the meaning of his words, proceeding to shut her locker, before she stops and blinks, slowly turning to him with a dumbfounded face. 

“But I suppose I understand your frustration, you know, on top of everything,” Kieran continues, ignoring her. After a while, he quips, “I’m curious, though. Do they know of your lie detecting powers?”

Lauren looks at him with suspicion, but answers as she walks: “Kym does. Will, I’m not sure. I don’t think he’ll believe it so easily even if he does. Why?”

“I have a proposition,” Kieran declares in the empty hallway, and Lauren turns her head slightly to give him a questioning look. “We get them to confess to each other.”

Lauren stops walking entirely. _Why did I never think of_ that _?_

“No need to be surprised, we know who carries the brain cells around here,” Kieran jokes, and Lauren has half the mind to smack the back of his head. 

“How do you suggest we do that? I don’t think they so much as _realize_ they like the other. They’ve this… ‘feud’, they like to think, when in fact they’re just… utterly in love.” Lauren shudders. “I swear it’s absolutely disgusting.”

They resume walking, heading for the exit. “That’s where _we_ come in, of course. You’ve a magical ability that Ladell would definitely be unable to deny.”

“And Will? He’s such a stubborn, emotionally constipated man. How will we deal with him?”

“He may be stubborn, but he’s not _stupid_ ,” Kieran points out. “And as you know, I can be quite charming—”

“You’re not suggesting you make him _jealous_ , are you?”

Kieran rolls his eyes. “I’m not petty, darling—”

“You quite are, really—”

“—I’ve got some tricks to make him confess,” Kieran concludes, eyes glinting with the mischief usually present in the Sergeant’s gaze. 

“You’re not going to… you’re not going to _hurt_ him, right?”

Kieran lets out an exasperated huff. “You _really_ have shit expectations for me, do you?”

“Yes, I do,” Lauren retorts almost immediately.

“That was a rhetorical question, _gods_ ,” Kieran mutters.

“Thought I’d let you know anyway. Your head was getting too big for its own good.”

Kieran opens the door for Lauren, letting her walk out. “You can say that after I’ve done my magic with Hawkes.”

“And after that, what then? It’s not like they’ll do anything; they’ll probably think some shit about _not wanting to ruin their current relationship_ and make everything ten times more awkward than it already is.”

“Well aren’t you well versed in your slow burns, now?” Kieran comments. “We’ll just have to convince either one of them to confess. You’re pretty pushy yourself, so you won’t have such a hard time with it, wouldn’t you?”

Lauren’s eyeballs flicker as she clenches her jaw. “And you’re so very persuasive when it’s really just your face, isn’t it?”

“If you want to insult me, at least make it an _insult_ , darling,” Kieran smirks, and she so wants to sew his mouth for eternity. “Also, you’re insinuating you agreed to the deal I offered because of this face.”

“Yes, I can’t imagine the utter joy I’ll be feeling when this all ends and I get to absolutely decimate your face with a dagger.”

“Man, cops these days,” Kieran shakes his head. “So, what do you say? Are you in on this?”

“What do _you_ gain from this?” Lauren asks, like the curious person she is.

Kieran shrugs. “I do want to see them end up together. They make a cute pair.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“See, proving my point: you’re very pushy.”

“Answer the question, Kieran.” She stops walking to face him completely. 

Kieran sighs. “Maybe I’m just tired of all the PS shit and the dinner appointments with near-death, you know? Maybe once in a while, I want to have some fun with people, want to see people smiling instead of, you know, dying.”

 _Maybe once in a while, I want to live like any other person_ , he does not say, but she hears it, and swallows the taste of iron in her mouth away.

“One more thing,” Lauren says then, an idea brimming in her head. “Let’s make a bet.”

Kieran arches his brow, the movement so clean and satisfying to watch. “Oh?”

“I’ll deal with Kym, you with Will; the one to get either one of them to confess first wins the bet.”

“A competition, then?” A slow smirk spreads across his face, and Lauren has never felt more ready to beat him, prove herself smarter and better than Kieran White, someone she largely considers her equal. (She’s not quite sure why.) “And what do I gain if I win?”

Lauren shrugs. “I don’t know, anything you want?”

Kieran blinks disbelievingly. “Are you seriously going to give me anything I want? Over _this_?”

“You think you’ll win so easily; you seem to forget I have an innate ability to detect lies, have a mad tendency to argue, and I know Kym Ladell like the back of my hand.”

“Okay, then,” he grins, showing off his glorious pearly teeth. “If you’re so confident you’ll win—what do you want?”

“I’ll decide eventually,” she shrugs. “Anything I want, same as you.”

“You can get everything you want, Lauren,” Kieran points out.

“Of course I don’t mean materialistic things,” Lauren states bluntly, and Kieran’s eyebrows raise. “Of course I’ll make you do something for me.”

“Alright then, princess,” Kieran concludes, extending a hand to her. “Do we have a deal?”

Lauren stares at it for a good second, before lifting her head to meet his honest gaze, and thinks of what he said earlier.

 _Let the man live a normal life for once_ , a voice in the back of her head quips softly, and she sighs. _Give yourselves a break_.

What could go wrong about a harmless competition?

She takes his hand.

“We have a deal, White.”

“And so it begins, Sinclair,” he announces, firm in his grip. Excitement graces his facial features, and she has never seen him quite so innocent, even as he prepares an arsenal of mischievous plans up his sleeve.

“So it begins,” she mutters softly, feeling the faint flickering of a flame deep inside her ribcage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t you just miss the good ol’ days of pre-43?


	2. tertium non datur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lauren sinclair accompanies kym ladell through an epiphany, while william hawkes and kieran white bond over their experience with… peculiar women. 
> 
> somehow, lauren and kieran find themselves as kym and william’s one time therapists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **law of excluded middle** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_excluded_middle)
>> 
>> _tertium non datur_ — no third is given  
> either the proposition is true, or the negation is true  
>  _p ∨ ¬p_  
> 
> 
>   
> proposition, in logic, means a statement
> 
> the law isn’t really used in the story (i mean… it’s literally common sense if it’s not (a) then it’s (not a)) i just wanted to be annoying with the useless knowledge i have
> 
> also: sections that are not lauren’s pov, lies will not be in red (i don’t state whose pov it is but i make it quite obvious) enjOyYYYyY <3

**∴**

**NOT EVEN AN** entire day after Kieran and Lauren shook on the bet, during his daily rounds in the Patrol Unit’s office, Kieran approaches William Hawkes with his daily coffee. “Good morning, Lieutenant,” he greets, smiling as he places the mug gently on his desk.

“Oh, morning, Mr. White,” the blonde responds, a little in a daze.

Kieran does not hesitate to point this out, because he already suspects the truth behind it: “You don’t look too fresh, and it’s barely been an hour of work. Is anything bothering you?”

Hawkes blinks at him, before shaking his head, eyes crinkling into crescents in a way that melts people’s hearts. “I’ve just a lot to think about,” he mutters in a rush, chuckling. “Thank you for the concern, Mr. White. I appreciate it.”

“Please, sir, Kieran is fine,” he asserts. Always easier to convince a man when communicating on more personal levels. “And, if you don’t mind, you can always let some of those thoughts out, you know. It’s better for the mind, helps you focus more in work. I’ve got my fair share of experiences in life as well, so I definitely understand.”

At this, it seems to register in Hawkes that Kieran is “dating” Lauren, and he casts a glance at the redhead, before looking back at the archivist. Kieran offers him a tiny smile, turning to leave—knowing that pushing it will only backfire. _Best not let him mull over it even more_.

Kieran has strategically planned his rounds that day—so Hawkes is the last person he delivers the coffee to, and all he has left to do is to collect the paperwork from Secretary Desroses, before leaving the office. That he does, and before he leaves, he does not forget to cast Lauren a wink.

Of course, just as he does with William Hawkes, he leaves her hanging, not waiting to see her response.

**∴**

Proposition: Kym Ladell does not like William Hawkes. 

**KIERAN THINKS HE** will win the bet, but he overestimates his own abilities and overlooks the nature of who they’re dealing with, something Lauren has already familiarized herself with. William Hawkes is not only stubborn, but unwilling; he is not easily convinced of anything, because William does not like _change_. He likes stability, constancy, everything under his control. He does not like unexpected variables—and Kym Ladell is just about the most spontaneous variable among any. William will never confess first; he’ll rather things stay this way between them than end up _worse_ than it already is. 

But Kym Ladell does not hesitate. She is much wiser in her emotions, and is much more spontaneous, that once she realizes she likes the Lieutenant, it’s only a matter of time before she tells the truth to William, knowing she cannot keep it within herself for too long. She is like the flowing river that cannot be contained, and must not be held back. Kym Ladell is all about making the most of given time, so she will definitely not waste time in her pursuit for the one she likes.

She sees too that Kieran does not waste time, already chatting up the Lieutenant as soon as they meet for the first time that morning, even going so far as to taunting her with a _wink_. It only fuels her desire to win, and so later when William leaves the office to get a break, she decides to get into action and speak to her friend about it.

The minute Will exits the door, Kym leans against the back of her chair with a loud groan, stretching her arms. “I’m _tiiiiireed_ ,” she whines, before slamming her palms against the desk. “I wanna go hoooooome.”

“You know, Sarge, I’m surprised this is your _first_ complaint of the day,” Lukas Randall pipes, and Lauren wonders how she’s missed this. Maybe she’s spent too much time thinking of all the ways to get Kym to admit she likes Will, without noting how she’s been behaving all day.

Kym’s eyes are still shut, head facing the ceiling. “I don’t feel like arguing with Willame today,” she drawls. 

“Now _that_ is interesting,” Lauren speaks up, turning to face her. “Since when are you ever against arguing with him? It’s like your daily bread and butter.”

“I just don’t want him to dump more paperwork on me,” Kym sits up, glaring at the door. “I couldn’t sleep well last night, and so I’d much rather go home early and without—”

“Kym?” Lauren says in a quieter tone, and Kym whips her head to her, eyes wide in belated realization. Lauren can practically hear her think, _Oh shit_ , and she has to keep her laughter in before the office thinks she’s manic for laughing at a seemingly non-hilarious situation.

“Ugh, it’s so unfair,” Kym mutters grumpily, pouting, and Lauren only gives her a shrug. 

“So why exactly did you wait until he left before you start complaining? You _always_ complain without hesitation.”

Kym sighs, ruffling her hair in frustration. She leans closer to Lauren from her seat, and says, “William hasn’t been quite the same lately. I don’t know what his problems are, but I don’t… want him to get mad at me.”

“He’s always mad at you, though?” Lauren cocks her head. “Since when do you care whether he’s mad at you or not?”

“I mean, I don’t care that he’s mad at me, I just don’t want him to—” Kym groans once more, rubbing her palms across her face. “UGHHH, gods, this is so annoying!”

Lauren gives her a sheepish smile. “Uh, maybe just try not lying?”

“It’s not like I want to lie, it’s just…” Kym sighs exasperatedly.

“You just can’t say the truth?” Lauren helps, and Kym nods weakly. “You know that when he’s… mad at you, he’s not _really_ mad at you, right?”

Kym chuckles, but the sound comes out a bit sour. “You think so, but you don’t know how it feels like to literally be the only one being yelled at. I mean, granted, I’ve given him many reasons to be mad at me, so I deserve it, but I don’t know… I feel like he just _dislikes_ me because of my reckless nature, so he’s treating me way more harshly than the others. _Tch_. Is it my fault that the man can’t have some fun?”

Lauren stares at her best friend in overwhelming empathy and a tinge of regret. Because Kym’s always so bright in their eyes, they tend to forget she has feelings as well, and perhaps they’ve even taken it for granted. “Is that what you really feel? That he dislikes you because he keeps snapping at you?”

“What else can it be?” Kym scoffs, before glaring at Lauren. “If you _dare_ say it’s his way of expressing his feelings for me or whatever bullshit—”

“No, no, that’s not it,” Lauren shakes her head. “I think—you know Will, he’s a very emotionally closed off man. I think, when he’s around you, he just… lets himself loose a little, you know? And so he lets himself feel, be frustrated, because only someone like you makes him feel comfortable with _feeling_. It’s not that he hates you, I’m sure of that. Otherwise he wouldn’t have stuck around with us so much. He _cares_ for you, really.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that applies anymore,” Kym mutters under her breath. Lauren waits, and Kym says, “Have you seen him nowadays? He’s been ignoring me, wouldn’t even so much as show a single sliver of human emotion to me. It’s so… not normal.”

“You said you don’t want him to yell at you, which is your normal, but you want things to go back to normal?”

Kym sighs. “It’s… _gods_ , Lauren, I don’t even know,” she groans again. “It’s just—I do want things to go back to normal, but I’ve a feeling that if I piss him off _now_ , on top of everything he’s dealing with, he’ll snap at me and that it’ll… hurt me more than I can handle. I mean, I know I can handle it, but—no, I probably can’t, can I?”

Lauren feels so bad, for her best friend’s dilemma and for never noticing what she’s been going through, and wants to hug her so badly, except they’re still in the precinct and are supposed to be doing work. (Then again, no one in the office is doing work at the moment—with the Lieutenant gone, it’s like an unofficial Break Time for them.)

And yet, Kym lets out a weak laughter. “Gods, I hate him so much.”

Lauren is not quite sure whether her heart has just burst from immense joy upon the declaration (in the form of a double negative), or from intense heartbreak over her best friend’s pain. She contemplates on whether to let the lie slide or to prod on it, but she thinks Kym deserves a break from all the complicated emotions.

“He truly is blind for not seeing how amazing of a friend you are,” Lauren says instead, pulling herself with her chair closer to Kym so she can pat her on the shoulder. Kym gives her a sad smile in return.

“I don’t care, as long as you’re with me.”

Lauren mirrors her expression, but with more pity. “You know, there’s only so much lies I can overlook.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just—” Kym sighs, biting the inside of her cheek. “I don’t even know why I _care_ so much, you know? It’s not like he’s ever _nice_ to me. Okay, he’s been nice. But I can’t just—I can’t just start having weird feelings for people the moment they’re nice to me, right? You’re nice to me, and I love you, but… but why is it so _annoying_ when it comes to him?”

“Maybe you should… try being nice to him for a change?” Lauren suggests. 

Kym makes a disgusted face. “Ew. Of course not.”

“But why not?” Lauren pushes. “You’re nice to everybody else, even if you joke around, but you’re always teasing him. Why don’t you cut him some slack?”

“Because…” Kym bounces her right leg rapidly, drumming her fingers on her lap. “Because… teasing him is fun.”

“Or maybe you just don’t want to admit that you like him.”

“I don’t like him,” Kym grumbles. “Why would I like him? He’s so boring, he doesn’t care about anything other than his paperwork, and all he does is get mad at me because he can’t accept my awesomeness…”

“Do you need me to point out which of those statements you’ve said are lies?” Lauren questions, earning a glare from the blue-haired officer.

“Okay, maybe those are not the best arguments,” Kym admits. “But I don’t _like_ him, okay? He’s a good guy, sure, but how can I like him when—when he makes me feel so… frustrated all the time?”

“It’s called sexual frustration, Sarge,” Lukas comments from behind, and she flushes, not realizing that he’s been paying attention to their conversation. A bit creepy, but they expect no less from the Grumpy Cat himself, who makes sure he has enough intel on each and every one of the officers in the case of “an emergency”—which really just is, if they ever expose him for being anything other than his emo persona. (Or maybe, if they ever expose him for being so obviously infatuated with the secretary. This office is full of _idiots_ , Lauren thinks.)

“What do you even _mean_ , sexual frustration?!” Kym screeches when she realizes what he’s just said. “I can’t be sexually frustrated when I’m not even sexually attracted to him. Like, have you seen him? He is literally like a grandpa, I doubt he’s ever even done anything remotely sexual, or even knows how to!”

“Hmm, maybe we should get you to test the theory,” Lauren mutters, looking like she’s in genuine deep contemplation, and she sees Lukas nodding. 

“Good idea, Sinclair.”

Kym’s eyes are wide in absolute disbelief. “What the—are you guys being serious?”

Lauren gives her a more solemn look. “Okay, so maybe it’s more of an emotional frustration, because of pent up feelings. Which is why, you have to come to terms with them and take action—”

“There are no— _feelings_ to come to terms with, Lauren!” Kym yells.

Lauren does not bother pointing it out. Kym soon realizes, and she shrinks back in her seat, her ability to vocalize suddenly gone.

“So you _do_ have unresolved feelings, see?” Lauren states, speaking like she would to a child. “That’s a start.”

“Since when did you become the couples’ counselor?” Lukas mutters.

“Since it’s my two best friends who are being idiots and me suffering in between, what about it?”

Lukas resumes his paperwork without another word.

“Now, Kym,” Lauren reverts her attention back to the troubled Sergeant. “What exactly do you feel when you think of Will?”

“Annoyed.”

Lauren presses her lips tightly. “Aside from that?”

“Uh, worried? For his health, because he’s always working. Like, how can someone work so much and still not be tired? He’s crazy.”

“Okay. And then?” 

“Um.” Kym’s eyes falter, flitting to the ground. “That’s it.”

Even though Lauren wants to chastise her for openly lying to her face, she cannot help the growing smirk that comes from knowing Kym is coming slowly to her realization. “There’s more, isn’t there?” she asks anyway. Just a little bit more.

“I just—” Kym frowns. “It’s just human empathy. I don’t know. Yeah, maybe I do care for him. Just—” she shakes her head adamantly. In denial, of course. Understandable. “Okay, so maybe he is a good friend, and maybe I’ve just been a little too mean to him all this time.”

Lauren nods. _It’s okay, this is a good step_. She just… needs to make sure Will doesn’t come back soon, because she realizes they’re still in the office, during work hours, and there’s a pile of paperwork she does need to complete. Kym continues, to her surprise: “I think it’s just… he never really liked me because we’re so different, so I’ve always felt the urge to fight back, you know? And now that I’ve seen… well, him, I guess I’m just… a bit frustrated because… I can’t really _hate_ him anymore. It sucks.”

“Why do you feel this need to always be against him?” Lauren prompts. “Why do you not want to openly be nice to him?”

“Because it’s _weird_ ,” Kym argues. “Like, the other day, I helped him with some of his work because he was obviously stressed, right? It just made things awkward. Same goes for the other way around. Remember when… when we found Harvey’s body? He made sure I was fine, which is nice of him, but it just—it feels so _weird_ , because it’s _him_ , and we’re not—we’re not supposed to be _nice_ to each other.”

“ _Why_ are you not supposed to be nice to each other?”

“Because I don’t like him!”

The room fell completely silent, the faint sound of the ticking clock slightly audible, noting the intensity of the situation. Lauren is surprised by her sudden outburst, as much as she’s been waiting for it, mostly because of how loud she shouted it, but also because—

“Wow, Sarge, that is one beautiful reasoning you got there,” Lukas drawls after a while. 

Kym, realizing that she just quite literally exclaimed her feelings to the entire patrol unit minus Will himself, winces. She whirls around to Lukas and scowls. “Oh, motherfucker, shut up.”

Lauren holds a hand over her mouth, hiding the super wide grin behind it. “So _now_ you realize that you _do_ like him, right?”

Kym stands up abruptly, the chair pushed against the floor making a loud screeching noise. “Okay, yeah, sure, turns out I like my freaking nemesis,” Kym declares in her frustration. She starts pacing around the room for some reason, and Lauren watches, intrigued, until she walks back to her desk and faces Lauren once more. “Now what the _fuck_ do I do about this absolutely undesired realization?”

“You tell him, of course,” Lauren replies simply. 

Kym gives her an incredulous stare. “Are you serious? He _hates_ me, why on earth would I—”

“Literally _everyone_ in this room, everyone in our _precinct_ , I think, knows that you two have a thing for each other. It’s _glaringly_ obvious, and it’s really just a wonder how two of the most intelligent people I know, the two leaders of our patrol unit, have absolutely _no idea_ about it.”

“I—” Kym blinks repeatedly, still not registering the reality. It takes her a few minutes to process, and then she says, “My gods. All this time, it’s always because—because I like him?”

“Yes, Kym,” Lauren says, trying to muster an empathetic look, but she’s probably grimacing. She just wants to lock them up in the closet to get them to make out, at this point. Couples therapy is harder than she’d think it’d be.

Kym sighs. “Say you’re right—then what? Do I just go up to him, and say I like him? Done?”

“Yes! Done!” Lauren throws her hands up in the air. 

“What if he doesn’t—”

“He feels the same way, Sarge, just fucking _tell_ him,” Lukas seethes, and Kym glances at his direction to give him a glare.

“What if he rejects me?” Kym asks anyway. “What if he makes some bullshit reason like, ‘we can’t be together because we’re coworkers’?”

“Then he’s a massive idiot, and we’re going to have a problem, and I’ll have to intervene,” Lauren affirms. “Besides—look at… well, me. I’m here… you know.” She notes how Lukas stops in his tracks upon her words, and makes sure not to speak too much to give away her supposedly secret “relationship”. If too much people know about it… it’ll only be about time before the truth gets revealed, and they get called out for faking a relationship, and that means more trouble for Lune. They’ve got enough problems in the meantime.

“It’s different with you,” Kym whines. “You don’t see him everyday in the workplace, and you don’t bicker everyday, and you most certainly do not like a man who upholds his position of responsibility way too much.”

“Actually, we argue just about every single minute spent together...” Lauren mutters under her breath, but she doesn’t give Kym time to question it. “Listen. Tell him how you feel. I don’t know much about what’s going on with Will, but if I do know one thing: it’s that he’s not the same with you. You make him feel comfortable in being _himself_ , and I’m sure he’ll be delighted to know you feel the way he does.” If Lauren has to be honest, she’s really just putting her faith that Kieran has managed to do his job well, because she knows Kym’s concerns are all too possible.

And judging by the way Will hasn’t returned to the office in a long time, when he’s usually so devoted to his work, she’s sure Kieran is working his magic. Well, that, or Will’s found himself in a ditch. (She sure hopes not. Forget the lovebirds’ dilemma, they _need_ William as their Lieutenant, and she’s not prepared to lose her best friend anytime soon.)

“Don’t think too much about it, Kym,” Lauren reassures, patting her shoulder.

Lukas hums. “Yeah, it’s not like you usually do, anyway.”

Lauren makes a faux-contemplative face, before nodding. Kym scowls, and proceeds to drag her seat back to the desk, hunching over the paperwork ahead of her. “Gods, _fine_. I’ll talk to him one of these days. After I let things settle in. I still can’t believe...”

“Not one of these days, you talk to him _tonight_ ,” Lauren urges.

Kym raises a brow at her. “Why the rush?”

“Because, Sarge, we can’t stand the fucking sexual tension. Some of us just want to _work_ in peace.”

“He said it better than I ever can,” Lauren slow claps, wiping a fake tear off her cheek. 

Kym mutters under her breath, “Is this what Willame feels like when I tease him everyday?”

“Pretty sure he has urges to kiss your loud mouth away that you definitely don’t feel towards us,” Lukas comments. Kym whips around, grabbing the coffee mug on her desk, ready to hurl it at him.

“Just SHUT UP, oh my _GODS_!”

Lauren can no longer hold back the chuckle brewing on the back of her throat. Perhaps she is lucky that she’s Kym Ladell’s best friend: because first, Kym doesn’t intend on killing her with a coffee mug, and second, now she’s definitely sure that she’s booked the winning team on her little bet with Kieran White.

Conclusion: Kym Ladell likes William Hawkes. [confirmed]

**∴**

Proposition: William Hawkes does not like Kym Ladell. 

**LAUREN THINKS SHE** will win the bet, but she does not know something Kieran already knows: William Hawkes is already well aware of his feelings for the Sergeant. In fact, Lauren will have an easier time obtaining the truth from William Hawkes as opposed to Kym Ladell, because whereas William will lie about it with knowledge of the truth, Kym does not yet realize that she likes William—hence, her ability is rendered practically useless.

Of course he does not share this with her. Maybe he would’ve, but now a bet is on the line, and he’s playing to _win_ , as he knows she is. Not to mention, he still does believe Lauren won’t be any effective in convincing the Lieutenant to admit his feelings, because it’s still true that Hawkes does not believe in Lauren’s ability.

Then again, Hawkes isn’t all too good at lying to begin with. He’s good at _hiding_ , sure, but he’s got nearly no defense when he’s out in the open, and Kieran will make sure to get past all his barricades to convince him to confess to Ladell already.

It takes Hawkes longer than Kieran expected him to give in, taking a break from the office approximately three hours past noon. (That, or maybe he’s been in the archives actually working while the Lieutenant takes his occasional breaks. As much as he’s passionate in winning this bet, unfortunately he has… real life duties to attend to. He appreciates the small source of happiness that comes from scheming over William Hawkes’ eventual confession, anyway.)

Kieran himself is taking a breather from the confined space of the archives at that time, when he sees him walk out, hand running through his golden locks. “What are the odds,” the Lieutenant muses audibly, but the small smile gracing his face suggests that he does not consider it suspicious or unpleasant.

Kieran uses this to his advantage: “Maybe it’s fate?”

“Or maybe you’ve been waiting out here all day, expecting me to spill out my life secrets to you, for whatever reason,” Hawkes argues, leaning against the wall of the building. Kieran laughs heartily. _I’ve always known you’re smarter than you make it seem_ , he thinks to himself with pride.

“I can’t deny that it’s something I _wouldn’t_ do,” Kieran comments with lack of argument, “but unfortunately, I _do_ have a job, sir, and I’m not going to lose that over a grown man’s secrets.”

“Do call me William,” he tells him. “And I suppose you’re right; Hermann has been speaking of how you’re the best thing to happen in the precinct as of late, so I have every reason to believe you’ve been doing your job well.”

“It’s easier to see a change when you fix something completely broken, not as much when you’re maintaining something that is already high in quality,” Kieran reasons. “I think you deserve more recognition for upholding the quality of work of the 11th precinct, really. It mustn’t have been easy for you, as a Lieutenant.”

“You definitely have a way with words, Kieran,” William comments. “I can see how you’ve gotten Lauren Sinclair, of all people, to fall for you.” Kieran notes that he’s purposely avoided the topic of his duties as the Lieutenant. Not a problem; that isn’t his goal anyway. (Maybe one of these days, they can talk of responsibilities and such over drinks on a good night. The blonde, however strict he may seem, is proving to be a fun man to talk to. Or maybe he just doesn’t really have anyone to talk to, to begin with.) “Speaking of which, how have you two been? I know Lauren might not be the easiest person to deal with, especially when she’s stressed with work and all.”

_If only you knew_ , Kieran wants to retort so badly. Instead he says, waving his hand nonchalantly “Oh, you know, the things you do for love. She may be stressing the hell out of me, but in the end, it’s better to be with her than to have her leave.” 

William gives him a contemplative stare. Kieran prompts, “Why, do you need some tips on handling particularly fussy women? Calming down a raging lover? Because, I mean, I’ve got _a lot_ of them in store, it might take us a few—”

“No, I just—” William shakes his head affirmatively. “It’s not like you and Lauren. It’s… it’s… _gods_ , it’s just that she’s so frustratingly _loud_ and I can’t focus on my goddamn _work_.”

“So it’s the Sergeant, huh?” Kieran wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and William gives him an incredulous look.

“It’s not like that, White. At least Lauren still has her merits; Ladell, on the other hand…”

Kieran thinks the Sergeant will most certainly appreciate his jokes more than his supposed “partner” ever will, but he doubts William will find that meritorious in his eyes. “What is she up to, exactly? I don’t see the other officers stressing out as much as you are.”

William’s mind seems to malfunction a little at that. “I—it’s—she just keeps talking—”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Lieutenant, but are you perhaps hyper aware of her… because she’s already in your mind to begin with?”

Kieran watches as the gears in William’s head turn, the way he slowly begins to rebuild his facade, the bland look of the plain, work-oriented Lieutenant who exists solely to uphold his position in the APD. Unsurprising; he hasn’t been expecting any less from the patient man. “I’m only thinking of all the reasons I need to list so I can fire her,” he replies, managing an eyeroll.

“You know, you’re not a very good liar.” William is, in fact, a good liar, but Kieran sees through most of the lies people put up—maybe because he’s learned not to trust anyone so blindly to begin with.

“What makes you think I’m lying?”

“First, I doubt you’re _seriously_ considering firing her. She’s one of the most skilled officers around; firing her would be a loss to the precinct, but especially to you, losing a fellow leader.”

William has nothing to say to that, and Kieran points out with a slight smirk, “You know, if you want to lie, at least make it believable.”

“Okay, maybe I’m not thinking of _firing_ her,” William relents, “but she _is_ bugging me with her… existence.”

Kieran nods, deciding to go along with William’s course of thought for now. “Okay, so tell me, what exactly _do_ you find annoying about this mere existence of hers?”

William looks at him suspiciously, but decides not to question it. “Well first, she finds every possible way to get under my skin. You’d think she’d put more effort into her paperwork, but believe me, she spends more time devising schemes to frustrate me. And they always work.”

“Mhm,” Kieran hums. “Have you considered that they frustrate you because you always pay attention to her antics?”

“I mean—how can I not, when she dances around the room picking up mugs and building castles out of them?” William scoffs. “Whenever she’s up to something, she just—messes up the entire room’s productivity, whereas she’s supposed to be a Sergeant, ensuring people do their work.”

“She’s not up to anything today, though, is she?”

William blinks. “Well, not exactly.”

“And you’re still thinking about her.”

“Because Kym—” William sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Kym’s not… not someone you just _ignore_ so easily.”

“I mean, I don’t think any of the other officers think of Kym Ladell as emotionally as you do, Hawkes,” Kieran shrugs. 

William starts coughing. “I don’t think of her _emotionally_.”

Kieran merely raises his brows.

“I don’t _like_ Ladell, if that’s what you’re implying,” William asserts.

“Did I say anything? You came up with that conclusion, as if you’ve been thinking about it yourself,” Kieran points out. “If anything, it sounds like you’re trying to convince _yourself_ that you don’t like her.”

“That’s because I _don’t_ , Kieran,” he argues straight through his teeth. “Why would I like Kym Ladell, when she’s the reason behind all my life’s problems?”

Kieran shrugs, humming. “I don’t know… maybe because she’s really funny, beautiful, and she actually does her work—contrary to what you choose to believe? She is quite the perceptive lady, you know, and I’ve seen her work more than she has to in order to help you, especially with the amount of cases building up lately. Thing is, I’m sure you know this already, you’re a smart Lieutenant—you’re just choosing to ignore it all, because it makes it easier to believe that you _don’t_ like her if you can’t see the admirable parts about her. Am I wrong?”

“I—do you talk this way with Lauren?” William asks, and Kieran is taken aback by the sudden question.

“More or less?”

“Is that the kind of thing she’s into?” William muses, more to himself, but he lets Kieran hear it clear as day. “I would’ve thought she won’t be able to stand a man like you, not when she’s so hot-tempered and has an overwhelming desire to win all the time.”

Kieran lets out a nervous laugh. He knows, certainly. “You know, she secretly has a thing for witty, sharp-tongued people; it secretly turns her on. That’s why she hasn’t agreed to date many of the men she’s set up with.”

“So you’ve heard of her disastrous dates, then?” William inquires, snickering. “You should consider yourself very lucky indeed, to have earned her heart.” Kieran smiles, hoping it doesn’t look like a grimace; Lauren Sinclair is the _last_ person on earth who would ever give him her heart, he’s sure.

“But this isn’t about us; we’re already a smooth sailing ship, while you’ve still got some stuff to settle with our dear Sergeant,” Kieran reminds. “You like her, do you not?”

“There’s… nothing to settle,” William sighs, resigned. When Kieran pauses, giving him a blank look, William groans. “I… may have some reserved feelings for the little menace that I would prefer to eliminate if possible.”

Kieran grins triumphantly. Now that William’s admitted he likes Kym, everything should be easy convincing, right?

If only he knew how much life problems William Hawkes has to deal with… maybe he wouldn’t have agreed to bet on him. 

Conclusion: William Hawkes likes Kym Ladell. [confirmed]

**∴**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> math is literally the only thing i can do so i will flex it and you cannot stop me (more like i learned this but i found no use for it so why not use it as a fic concept? brilliant) (should i just change career paths right now and become a mathematician? or even a philosopher?) 
> 
> as you can see, idk what goes on in this fic, yes this will go on for the next five chapters i’m so sorry all they do is talk
> 
> you might’ve noticed the chapter count increased—just me splitting three chapters into two (each was already blowing beyond 10k and it irks me) so don’t worry; the downside (up for me) is that you get more math laws 🤪🤪
> 
> if you’re still reading this nonsensical unrealistic as hell cheesy crap, tysm gods know why but thank you anyway ilysm ❤️


	3. principium non-contradictionis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kym ladell can bluff with all the world’s certainty—but she can never avoid lauren sinclair. on the other hand, william hawkes’ lies aren’t a good enough match for kieran white’s creepy intuition.
> 
> it’s an easy win, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **law of noncontradiction** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_noncontradiction)
>> 
>> _principium non-contradictionis_ — principle of noncontradiction  
> a proposition and its negation cannot be both true at the same time  
>  _¬(p ∧ ¬p)_
> 
>   
> it is quite literally just the reverse of the previous law… because it’s just the continuation of the previous chapter lmao
> 
> (this entire fic is barely proofread and i'm uploading it right before i sleep so sorry in advanced but) happy reading hope you enjoy it <3333

**∴**

Proposition: William Hawkes does not want to date Kym Ladell.

**“SO, PRAY TELL,** why do you want to... ‘eliminate’ your feelings for the Sergeant?”

Kieran and William have brought their conversation over the break room, upon William’s constant need of caffeine to give him strength through the day. While filling up his coffee mug, he explained, “You’ve identified the cause of my headaches to be… well, Ladell. So the obvious solution seems to be me removing my feelings for her, is it not?”

“Ah, when you put it that way…” Kieran leans his hip against the counter, as he diverts his full attention to William. “Maybe it’s not exactly just _her_ you’re thinking about.”

“I thought you’ve been trying to prove that she lives in my mind,” William mutters, putting down the coffee pot.

“I mean, maybe there’s an… unresolved conflict between you two, which is why you’ve been thinking of her more than you should,” Kieran explains. “You did mention that she hasn’t been up to anything; that sounds uncharacteristic of her.” 

To his surprise, William offers him the mug. He knows the Lieutenant is kind, but Kieran’s always been so self-sufficient his whole life, he doesn’t expect… He shakes his head, grabbing an empty coffee mug himself and lifting it. William doesn’t push it, and replies instead: “I… think she’s just trying to give me some space after… what happened.”

“I don’t want to pry, but…”

William gives him a polite smile. “It’s nothing. It’s just… she witnessed something a little too personal, and I think it made things a little awkward between us. We’re not supposed to be personal.”

“Do you not want to make things personal with her?” Kieran picks up the coffee pot.

The blonde takes a sip of his coffee, before savoring the bitter taste on his tongue. “There’s… I doubt you’ll be able to understand, but there’s not much I can do about what I want.”

“You mean, your Lieutenant duties and all?” William nods, and Kieran gives him a brief smile. “Oh, on the contrary, Hawkes. I don’t have much of a choice in what I do, either.”

William looks at him with raised brows, but Kieran keeps his lips sealed. The thing about being a spy: always tell the truth, but never tell them more than what they need to know. In this case it especially helps that William himself is against sharing his entire life story, so he should understand Kieran’s reluctance to speak further.

“Well then you’d understand why I can’t just… well, make rash decisions according to how I feel,” William says. 

“Then we think it out,” Kieran counters. William gives him a questioning look. “We make sure you don’t regret the decision you make, by thinking out all the reasons you should totally ask her out.”

“I—” William lets out a small scoff in disbelief. “Do I look like I haven’t considered it? I think about her every single day, in work where I always have to see her, in my apartment where I can’t see her, in my _dreams_ when I’m unconscious—it’s driving me _crazy_.”

Kieran makes a slightly pained face. “That does sound wild, sir. You might wanna get those feelings settled with sooner than later.” He doesn’t quite understand the churning feeling in his chest, but he ignores it for now—he has more urgent problems to deal with, and they’re not even his to begin with.

“I don’t know _how_ ,” William sighs. “Maybe if I get transferred to work in a different precinct…”

Kieran snorts. “I doubt you’ll actually want to do that, and I doubt your father will be all too happy with you if you do,” he mentions casually, and William narrows his eyes at him briefly. “The old chief of police. You know, _Hawkes_ , your family name’s not that unfamiliar to the commoners’ ears. Lauren seems to think so, too. She was just as surprised when I told her I know of her uncle being the _current_ chief of police.”

Share, so that the other will share, but never share too much. Just enough, just to keep them talking.

As with the other observations he’s overlooked, William decides to drop the hostility. “You know of my father. You’d understand why I _can’t_ be with Kym.”

“Well to be fair, I don’t _know_ your father, but I believe any man deserves to make a choice for himself,” Kieran argues. “Well, I mean, of course, he does get the final say in whether you guys can get _married_ , but we’re going ahead of ourselves. You need to _date_ before you can even consider _marriage_ , and that’s what I’m helping you with first.”

“I don’t want to date her,” William says, somehow very firm in his statement.

“Oh?”

William shakes his head, and Kieran wonders who he’s really trying to convince. 

“Okay, here’s a question: why do you _not_ want to date her? She’s a lovely lady, if I do say so myself.”

“Because, White, obviously my father would never approve of her. It’s pointless fighting a battle you _know_ you’ll lose.”

“You know,” Kieran begins, making sure he spaces out his words as slowly as he can, making sure he doesn’t say anything _wrong_. “That was what I thought too, before I started dating Lauren.”

William raised an eyebrow, clearly curious. 

“I mean, you know, she’s also someone of a higher status. She might not necessarily be under her parents’ protection, but, well, as you’d expect of someone of privilege, they expect everyone in the family to be married off to someone who… well, is also of privilege. And, well, I may not be from privilege, but I also have my… own set of rules in my household. There’s not a chance where we’ll ever end up married happily, not with our circumstances.” 

“And yet, you two decided to date? Knowing it’ll end in heartbreak?”

Kieran shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips. “Thing is, there’s no telling of the future. We did think it’ll end in heartbreak—I, most certainly, didn’t want to go through with it—especially when I thought Lauren deserved much better than a man who would only hold her back. If it weren’t for Lauren’s reckless ass convincing me to go through with it anyway, we probably wouldn’t have been dating today, and I’m so glad she convinced me, because dating her is one of the best things to have ever happened in my life. It’s probably one of the few arguments she’s won against me, and yet I could never be happier.”

So much for a truthful conversation. He supposes that’s what happens when he makes such a shit alibi regarding his relationship with Lauren on the spot. 

“How did—how did she convince you?” William asks hesitantly. _At least the lies are effective_ , he muses.

“Well, sometimes life’s better when it’s lived out, you know? She said it’s better to try it out anyway and see where it goes, because something’s better than nothing. She said she’s never met a man she likes as much as she likes me—” Kieran nearly brings his hand up to prevent himself from gagging then and there, “—and that it’s rare, so she doesn’t want to let it go. It might end in heartbreak, or we might lose our feelings on the way, but she says it’s better to fight for it than to give up before even fighting, because, well, it’s worth fighting for.” He hopes the Lieutenant doesn’t call out his bluff, because it _clearly_ isn’t something Lauren Sinclair would say, but he thinks it’s better to say she said it rather than himself, because he’s trying to make himself be in a similar position to him. William has to believe that there is someone like him, a logically inclined man, that is persuaded by these words—so that it makes it easier for him to believe in the persuasion. 

Kieran continues, “You’ll never know what will happen with Kym. Maybe the time you spend together will only be a few years, if not a few months, but believe me—you would rather have spent that time together with her than no time at all. I’ve been there, so I’d know. Life is short; you’ll never know when you’ll lose the ones you cherish.” And that is perhaps the truest thing he’s said that day, and he _really_ hopes it’ll convince William to ask Kym out without a second thought.

William is still reluctant. “I just—I just can’t imagine being with her knowing we won’t last, you know?”

“Then fight for it,” Kieran urges. “Or at least, try to. You’ve a high capacity brain, I’m sure you can outsmart your father; you know, maybe when he’s old enough that you can fool him. But a lady like Kym Ladell? She’s a lady worth all the struggle in the world. And if you really like her, the least you can do is show her that you’re willing to try.”

Now he seems to be thinking about it, and Kieran can hear the gears in his head turning directions, and he has to refrain himself from grinning already, not when William hasn’t made his decision. He must make it seem like he’s doing this for _William_ and not for his own satisfaction or any other reason. Instead he sips his coffee, he keeps patient and observes him as he thinks. 

“And if _she_ doesn’t want to try?” William asks. “What then?”

“If you want me to be completely honest I’ve a little more faith in her than I do you—” Kieran mutters under his breath, “but if she’s reluctant, just tell her what Lauren told me. She’s a sensible woman like we are, I’m sure she’ll come to her right mind if she hears that argument.”

William is silent for a while.

“Talk to her, William,” Kieran says earnestly. “You say she’s giving you space? Let her know you don’t want that space, that you want _her_.”

“I…”

“Don’t even say that you don’t want her,” Kieran warns. “You may be able to control your facial expressions according to your will, but those stormy eyes give it away. You’ve been dying to let loose of your feelings, and everyone within a mile’s radius can see that.”

“Is it that obvious?”

Kieran nods sympathetically. “There’s only so much emotion you can bury, William. It’s better to express them than to let them blow up on you later on.”

William gives Kieran a contemplative gaze. “You’ve been there yourself, haven’t you?”

Kieran blinks in surprise. “What makes you think that?”

“I’m sure you’re not just saying these things as virtues written in stone,” William reasons. “You must’ve already believed in that, because otherwise you wouldn’t be saying that.” When Kieran does not say anything, still stunned by the sudden turn in the conversation, William points out, “You said it yourself, Kieran, we’re not so different in nature.”

“Well,” Kieran says eventually. He can’t let the other know just how off guard he is by the accusation. “You’re right indeed. I’ve been there, and believe me, you don’t want that to happen to you.”

William nods, seemingly more sure of his decision now. Funny what letting a few personal secrets go loose can do to convince a person. “I’ll take your word for it, Kieran. You’re a good man.”

 _If only you knew, sir_ , he wanted to say, but he supposes he deserves a compliment—especially when he’s doing actual good in William’s life, for a change.

“So I take it you’ll talk to her? Tell her how you feel?”

William lets out a chuckle. “Well, after all that heart-to-heart—if I didn’t, it’d be a waste of your efforts, wouldn’t it?”

At that, Kieran smirks. “Glad to know you appreciate my efforts. Sometimes Lauren just completely ignores all my efforts to get her to spend more time with me. She’s way too obsessed with her work, that madwoman.” The two men laugh, bringing their half-empty coffee cups with them as they proceed to exit the break room. “Don’t forget to let me know how it goes with Ladell,” Kieran reminds him.

“I suppose you deserve credit for helping me sort out my problems,” William agrees. “Thank you, Kieran. I do hope all goes well eventually with you and Lauren,” he says genuinely, before heading off the direction of the Patrol Unit’s office.

“I sure damn hope it does,” Kieran mutters softly, clenching his mug a little too tightly.

Conclusion: William Hawkes does want to date Kym Ladell. [confirmed]

**∴**

Proposition: Kym Ladell and William Hawkes slept together. 

**IF LAUREN KNEW** that the consequence of setting her two best friends up will lead to a productivity decrease in the precinct, she probably would’ve thought twice before doing so. (Who is she kidding? Her end decision will be to still go for it anyway, because she thinks the two are too perfect for each other to be suffering in their “feud”.)

It comes to her notice when she arrives in the precinct a few days later to find it nearly full, every officer present, except for the two idiots. Even when Kieran makes his daily rounds, delivering coffee and picking up paperwork from the office, the Sergeant and Lieutenant are _still_ not there. 

She decides to use the time to catch up with Kieran (more like, boast about her success). When Kieran comes to deliver her coffee, putting down the mug before even asking whether she wants it, she says, “So how did it go with Will?”

Kieran looks around, making sure no one’s eavesdropping. Force of habit, she assumes, because it’s not like they’re talking Phantom Scythe business. (Ah. Right. They’re supposed to be dating _in secret_. She forgot that too.) “As you can see, Officer, neither of them are here at the moment. What are the chances that both the Sergeant and the Lieutenant—who is never late to begin with—are late on the same day?”

“Well you’re certainly quick to assume that it’s _your_ doing,” Lauren retorts, picking up the mug of coffee and taking a sip. “And that they’re late because they fucked, but I completely agree with you on that assumption. Thank you, by the way.”

Kieran blinks. “You’re... welcome. You know, for such a typically well-mannered noblewoman, you’re surprisingly very foulmouthed,” he mutters.

She plasters a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. “Only for you, Mr. White.”

“Glad to be the recipient of such a lovely privilege,” he retorts, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. (Sometimes Lauren wonders whether he has an entire storage of comebacks for her, because he never seems to be taken aback by her snark.) “Anyway, I certainly hadn’t expected for him to confess this fast, let alone spend the night with her, but perhaps I’m more powerful than I think I am.”

“What exactly _did_ you say to him and why does it make you so confident?” Lauren looks at him musingly. “I’ve to admit, as confident as I am that Kym will confess first, I doubt she’s that desperate to, well, let things escalate.” Then, to herself, she mutters, “Or maybe she did decide to test our theory.”

Kieran merely winks. “A magician never reveals his secrets, love. Besides, what theory?”

“That William has never had sex and doesn’t know how to. Looks like she’s definitely wrong, then,” Lauren snickers, and Kieran snorts. 

“That man’s just about as sexually frustrated as a crooked nun, and believe me, I recognize frustration when I see one.”

“Why, because you haven’t had some action yourself?”

Kieran scoffs. “Like _you’ve_ had any _at all_.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but her smirk doesn’t die. “And I’m completely content with that.” Of course, the reason is simple: she submerges herself in her work too much. She suspects the same goes for him; she’ll never know the truth, though, because Kieran White prides himself in avoiding her ability, and for once she’s completely fine with that.

Apparently they might have been speaking for a little too long, because from next to them, Lukas speaks up, “What is this disgusting shit—just go and fuck already. In the archives, if you will.”

Lauren is glad she’s not drinking the coffee at the moment, because she _definitely_ would’ve spat it at Kieran’s face. (Wait. That would’ve been a wonderful sight. Should she just—) “Ew, Lukas, that is a _horrible_ thing to say.”

Kieran puts his hand on his chest in mock offense. “Officer, I’m quite offended that you so abhor the idea of having intercourse with me. I’ll have you know—”

“I don’t _want_ to know, Kieran. Just—leave. Why are you even here?”

“If you guys are dating secretly, at least try to be subtle,” Lukas states bluntly, rolling his eyes. Both of their eyes widen, and Lauren signals him to make up some shit alibi, because she sure as hell can’t. 

Kieran only says, “Heh… please just don’t let the superiors know.”

“Couldn’t care less,” Lukas shrugs, but Lauren is well aware his true intentions are to use it as his blackmail, and if they ever try anything against him, he’ll definitely snitch _without a care_. “Hermann’s most hated and Hermann’s beloved… dating… what a wonder.”

At that moment, William finally enters the office, much brighter than he’s looked in _weeks_. Kieran gives Lauren one last glance before he heads to the Lieutenant, coffee mugs on his tray. “Morning, Lieutenant. I’d offer you coffee, but you seem like you can power through the day without it today.”

William rolls his eyes, but he has a lighthearted smirk on his face. “Good morning, Kieran. I’ll take the coffee anyway, thank you.” First name basis? Interesting, Lauren thinks.

While Kieran hands Will the mug, he asks, “So what happened that you’re in such a good mood, sir?” _The little shit_ , Lauren thinks, _asking him when you damn well know what happened_.

But what happens next is interesting—because she’s always thought William to be a good liar, she thought he’ll conceal his feelings—but upon being asked the question, he fails to hide the fond smile on his face. Before he gets to answer, though, another presence graces the room, a little too ungracefully. 

“Rise and shine, peasants!” Kym belts, before twirling on the spot, except she misses her footing and nearly trips. Lauren doesn’t hold back her laugh, which captures Kym’s attention. “Ah, good morning, my favorite human being in the entire universe!”

“Good morning, Kym. I’m glad to hear that, at least, hasn’t changed.”

“Of course it hasn’t. You will be the one true love of my life no matter what happens,” Kym says matter-of-factly, before slamming her hands on the stack of papers on her desk. “Now, Lauren, will you be so kind to join me on my pursuit of making paper cranes out of these useless papers?”

“Ladell,” William groans, and Lauren is not surprised that he’s been paying attention. He always has been, after all. “If you make a mess here and don’t do your work as you’re supposed to…” he pauses, and Lauren turns to Kym to see her raise an eyebrow, the corner of her lips curled, like she knows he _can’t_ do shit. 

_Gods, her power_ , Lauren smiles proudly at her best friend.

“I _will_ report this to Hermann under the claim of you trying to sabotage the precinct, and use it as a reason to fire you.”

 _Of course he won’t_. Kym is looking at her for confirmation, and Lauren only grits her teeth. “Ergh, he’s not lying.”

Astonishment dawns on Kym’s face, and she scoffs. “I—you’re going to _fire_ me? You think because I like you you have the power to _boss_ over me?”

Through the corner of her eye, Lauren sees Kieran watching with amusement, a brow raised neatly. She smirks to herself. _Moment of truth_.

William does not react for a while, holding a stern gaze, maintaining the tense eye contact with Kym. Then he breaks into a soft smile. “I’ve complete faith that you’ll finish your work, Kym. You’re a good Sergeant, and a good coworker.”

Kym clicks her tongue, but she cannot hide her proud smile and the blush rising up to her cheeks. Everyone in the office, on the other hand, is greatly dismayed by the blatant PDA and the lack of spicy banter. (It would’ve been the _perfect_ chance for them to slip up and prove what they did last night. Lauren has never been more disappointed in her best friends.)

Kieran does not forget their bet, and uses this as an opportunity to ask Will: “So I take it all went well last night?”

William raises an eyebrow, cocking his head sideways. Then he says, “Did you perhaps plan this with Lauren?”

Kieran doesn’t even blink. “What makes you think so?”

“Because just as I was about to confess to her, she confessed to me first.”

Lauren nearly screams, and she puts an enormous effort into keeping her enthusiasm inside, using her fist to keep her lips pressed. She looks at Kieran who is already looking at her, surprise and acknowledgement apparent in his face.

She pulls away her fist to flash a cheeky grin at him. He doesn’t get pissed, instead returning a smile of his own, before turning back to Will. She doesn’t know whether to be frustrated that he’s _not_ frustrated, or to simply enjoy her victory, but for now she opts for the latter. (Besides, as obnoxious it is, his smile is a little too pretty to be mad at…)

“Perhaps we were both just thinking the same thing,” Kieran shrugs. “You know, couples intuition and all.”

William stares him down for a moment but eventually he drops it. “Thank you two, anyway. There’s still… a bunch we need to work out, but at least for now the awkwardness is cleared out, and she’s not as insufferable as when she genuinely believed she hated me.”

And that is, of course, Lauren’s doing, and she pats her own chest dramatically in pride. “You’re very welcome, Will. You’re very welcome.” She turns to look at Kym, and then back to Will, as she announces, “Now, as much as I love you guys, I don’t want to hear any single detail of your nightly activities, so please, tone the flirting down when I’m around.”

Kym, who _is_ drinking coffee as Lauren speaks, spits out the steaming hot drink. Luckily she hasn’t started working on any papers, so no papers are harmed by her antics (or Will might _seriously_ consider firing her). “Nightly activities? We’re not you guys—wait, what do you think _did_ we do?”

Kieran and Lauren look at each other with wide eyes, again. Clearing her throat, Lauren says, “No—nevermind.”

“Bruh, I literally _just_ realized that I like him, and you think we’d be… doing it already?” Kym deadpans, blushing a little too hard. “Is that how you two started? No wonder y’all are together in the span of such a short time.”

Kieran is now coughing violently, and Lauren nearly chokes on her own spit. “No!” she yells. “Okay, okay, sorry for assuming things. We just thought—since you guys both came late—”

“I was late because I didn’t want to come too early in case I end up being alone with him,” Kym says, rushing the words near the end. “Uh, I’m still a little shy about the entire thing.”

“And I was late because I overslept,” Will informs.

“You… _overslept_?” Lauren asks incredulously.

Will shrugs, but Lauren understands—for once, his mind is in peace, because of something good in his life. For once, he gets a nice night of sleep. 

Lauren smiles at her two best friends, happy for them, that they’ve finally realized their feelings and have decided to try out this new dynamic. They’ll still bicker—because they’re not Kym and William if they don’t bicker—but at least, they’ll be kinder to the other, and at most: no more awkward tension in the precinct.

“My children are finally together,” Lauren sniffs, wiping a mock tear.

“It’s the other way around, honey,” Kym corrects. “ _You’re_ our child, now, you idiot who can’t take care of yourself. You always have been. Now, we need to make sure that you’re eating right, and if we see you looking dead in the precinct we have full rights to send your ass back to bed anytime—”

Lauren’s head begins to throb. _Okay, maybe this isn’t so much of a win than I thought it’d be._

Conclusion: Kym Ladell and William Hawkes did not sleep together. [confirmed]

**∴**

**“I HAVE TO** admit you won fairly under the terms of our deal,” Kieran says, “but I also have to point out that you started with the unfair advantage of being both of William and Kym’s best friends.”

Lauren shrugs, turning to look at him as they walk slowly, step by step, to her house. “It’s not like you didn’t know that when I offered the bet; you took it anyway, and lost.”

Kieran nods, the corner of his lips quirking up in a way that makes her heart skip a beat. “I know, which is why I have a proposal.”

“Another?” Lauren inquires, mildly interested. Scratch that, _highly_. She just makes it look like she’s not, the way she always does when it comes to Kieran White.

Humming, he says, “There’s still another pair of officers, one that’s not too closely acquainted with you, that seems like they could use some of our help.”

Lauren blinks, halting in her steps, before turning completely to face him. Her lips have parted into a half-grin before she even says, “You don’t mean…”

Kieran grins widely, and when she sees him she’s reminded of a little boy that has no concerns as he runs around the area with his little feet, laughing so carefreely. Her heart melts just a little. “Yep,” he accents the ‘p’. “What do you say?”

Lauren scoffs, but her grin is too wide for her to fake not being enthused. “You really have a thing for meddling with people’s lives, do you?”

Kieran rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “So do you, sweetheart, don’t bother denying it.”

“Never said I don’t,” Lauren teases. “I’ll admit, the idea is tempting—but they’re going to be a little harder to crack than my best friends, I think. Do you think we can do it?”

“What, are you losing faith in us now?” Kieran has begun to walk again, and Lauren rushes to keep up with his steps. “We can work together this time, the both of us working to convince each of them to come to terms with their feelings, and eventually confess.”

“And the bet?” Lauren asks. “I’m assuming you offered this because this time, you want to make sure you’ll win.”

“Of course,” Kieran exclaims proudly. “Our ultimate goal is to make them end up together, but we can each still place our bets on who will confess first.”

Lauren casts him a side-eyed glance. “What if you put less effort on the other person just so the person you bet on will win?”

“Come on, love, I’m not so petty,” Kieran clicks his tongue. “And I trust you not to be, too.”

“A high amount of trust placed in a competitor, _subordinate_ ,” Lauren retorts. She doesn’t miss the way his eyes widen a little, taken aback by her use of the old nickname—yet she feels it appropriate, the entire scenario very reminiscent of their days working together as Lune. “But I’ll take it, and trust you to do the same. Fair and square?”

The disbelieving smile that spreads through Kieran White’s face is, for some reason, so satisfying to watch, like the opening of a new dawn. “Fair and square, I swear. So who are you betting on?”

Lauren raises an eyebrow, turning her head. “You’re letting me choose? Even when I won?”

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I don’t let the lady go first?” Kieran extends his arms, stretching. 

Rolling her eyes, she replies, “Fuck that shit, you’re just being ‘courteous’ because you’re overwhelmingly confident you can beat me this time even without the privilege of choosing your bet.”

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” He flashes her a cheeky grin. “Alright then, here’s an idea—we say our choices at the same time.”

“And if we say the same person?”

“I doubt we will,” Kieran muses, and for some reason Lauren feels the same—because they’re so different that way.

“Alright,” she shrugs. “On the count of three.”

“One…”

“Two…”

“Ms. Desroses,” Kieran declares, the same time Lauren says, “Lukas, of course.”

“See?” he claps. “That’s settled. Same prize? Anything we want?”

Lauren snorts before she nods, but she cannot deny that she is excited by the prospect of matchmaking again, and this time with the lovely Lila Desroses and the seemingly cold Lukas Randall. She is the first to offer a hand to him, and he looks at it with mild surprise.

She says nothing. So he takes it, and for some reason, this time, his hold on her hand is much weaker, softer. And yet—the way his palm fits against hers is so oddly perfect, like his hand is always meant to be in hers, north with south, lock and key.

She does not quite know what to feel about that. The corners of her lips quiver as she feigns confidence in the face of her opponent, her partner.

**∴**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aNoTHeR dEaL??????? they don’t know when to stop, do they (or maybe i just wanted to write them holding hands 🥺)
> 
> this looks repetitive but believe me there's a slow burn in the bg that will be apparent sooner (this is... a pretty short fic anyway)
> 
> much much more cheese coming up next chapter so prepare theeselves ;) thank you for reading!


	4. consequentia mirabilis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lukas randall is better at keeping quiet than they think, and lila desroses? apparently she’s proficient at equivocating their questions, half-truths rivalling that of kieran white’s. 
> 
> it’s gonna take a bunch of sweet talking and convincing to get even a single statement out of them, it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **clavius’s law** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consequentia_mirabilis)
>> 
>> _consequentia mirabilis_ — admirable consequence  
> if a proposition is the consequence of its negation, the proposition must be true  
>  _(¬p → p) → p ≡ (¬¬p ∨ p) → p_
> 
> in english, if the opposite statement eventually leads to the statement being proven true, then the statement must be true (and the opposite cannot be true)
> 
> you’ll see what i mean lmao this one is used in the chapter
> 
> (you have Way too much faith in me if you think i proofread this one 🤪🤪 enjoy anyway, loves <3)

**∴**

  


**“HOW MUCH DO** you want to bet on whether Lauren and Kieran are going to try to set Lukas and Lila up now?” Kym asks, and William looks up to see that she is doodling… on her paperwork. She then pauses. “Ah. Wait. You’re rich. That’s unfair to me,” she says drily, before resuming to doodle idly some caricature he cannot even begin to identify.

Will rolls his eyes as he sighs, walking over to her desk to pry her pencil from her grip. “We don’t need to bet against each other on that, because I’m on your side,” Will tells her. 

“I haven’t even stated my side, how are you sure that we’re on the same side of the bet?”

“You saw the way they looked at each other when I said you confessed,” he shrugs. “If you don’t think they’re going to try and prolong that feeling by any means they can, then you’re either really blind, or a plain idiot—though that, I suppose, you still are, regardless.”

“Hey,” Kym pouts, and he so wants to pinch her cheeks. “But yeah, you’re right, they’d totally pull the same thing on Lukas and Lila; they do make an effective team, don’t you think?”

William nods, before he walks over to her side of her desk. He places a hand softly on the side of her petite face, and swoops down to plant a light kiss on her lips. He is about to pull away when Kym pulls him back by his necktie, threading her fingers through his golden locks, parting her lips and angling her face so that he can kiss her better, the way she wants him to. Will cannot help but smile in the middle of the kiss, which prompts her to do the same.

When they eventually part, Kym says huskily, a lazy smirk plastered on her face, “Perhaps a little _too_ effective. Who knew Mr. Prim, Proper, and often very Preposterous Hawkes would willingly do such a treacherous act in the _precinct_?”

Will does not know whether he should shut her up by kissing her again, or continue the banter like they always do. In the end, he does something else entirely: “Do you know how hard it is, having to restrain myself, when you’re just a few feet from me? Unfortunately for us, Lauren will not enjoy us making out in her presence, so it’s now or never, sunshine.”

“Oh, stop,” Kym heats up under his palm, and he cannot mask his grin.

“What, sunshine?”

Kym pushes his forehead away from her face, and he backs off, deciding to calm it down for the day. They _are_ in the precinct after all. “Who knew you could be such a romantic?” she mutters under her breath.

“One of the many rudimentary classes taught to us as a child.”

Kym blinks. “Are you serious? They have _classes_ for that?”

“No, Kym, they don’t,” Will chuckles, patting her head. “And _you_ need some classes on distinguishing fact from lie.”

“How am I supposed to know you were being sarcastic? We live vastly different lives,” Kym grumbles. “Besides, you’re a really good liar, you know that? I thought you genuinely hated me for the longest time.”

“Eh, I _did_ genuinely hate you for the longest time—”

“Oi!”

“—but somewhere along the way I realized I liked you more than I wanted to rid you, so.”

Kym ducks her head, blood rising to her cheeks, before lifting it up again to narrow her eyes at him. “You should’ve made it clearer that you liked me, you dumbass.”

Will picks up his coffee mug. “You’re not one to talk, Kym. You literally just realized you liked me, and you wouldn’t have, if not for Lauren. Really, we should be thanking Lauren for this.”

Kym nods, before her face shifts into that of contemplation. “It’s weird, don’t you think?”

“Hm?”

She scrunches her face. “I don’t know much about Kieran, but Lauren doesn’t sound like someone who’d be… I don’t know, bored enough to do something like this. She usually just… ignores her surroundings, choosing to focus on work and all...”

He leans against the side of her desk, sipping from his coffee mug as he basks in the golden glow of the morning sun. “I think meeting Kieran has changed her quite a bit, in little ways,” he says.

“How so?”

“Well, you know how I told you I was going to confess?” Kym hums, and Will nods. “I… wasn’t actually going to, and to be honest, I was going to push you away if you did. Basically, I wasn’t even _considering_ ever having anything with you, other than, well, being bickering friends.”

Kym doesn’t feel all too offended by that, thankfully. She’s seen enough of his circumstances, all the burden placed on his life. Instead she asks, “So what convinced you?”

“Kieran and Lauren, they… they’re like us in many ways, he said, and that their relationship was nearly hopeless,” Will explains. “That he doesn’t think he deserves her, and he doesn’t want to hold her back. But Lauren—she fought for him. Fought for _them_.”

Kym’s eyes widen. “ _She_ did? Now that’s not very like Lauren...”

Will nods, turning to face her, putting his mug down on the desk. “Exactly. I don’t… know what they experienced, what changed her, but if she’s changed enough to want to fight for a relationship—I think some of her values might’ve changed.”

Kym pauses, her head tilting slowly and her eyes narrowing, seemingly deep in thought. Will looks at her, expecting an argument. It doesn’t come.

“Love does make you do weird things, does it?” She glances at Will. His lips curl in amusement.

“They’ve known each other just for a few months, and you think they’re in love?”

Kym breaks into a smile. “Do you see the way they look at each other? Even when they’re talking to us, the first thing they do when we say something is look at each other and talk through their _gazes_. They were grinning at each other so brightly I thought they were getting _married_. Lauren? Grinning at a man?” Kym shakes her head. “She’s absolutely smitten, she has to be.”

Will nods, lips parted in a gentle smile. “She’s found a good man, she really did. The way Kieran speaks of Lauren is very fond. I’m happy for the both of them, really.”

“I’m happy for them, indeed,” Kym agrees, her face ducked. Will returns to his desk with a half empty mug of coffee, and watches as Kym sets her gaze at the paper ahead of her, unmoving for a good moment. He knows there is something she’s not saying, but for now he does not ask, choosing to let her tell him when she’s ready to.

Like that, the sound of Kym’s fingers drumming on her desk fills the office in a faint, slow, circular rhythm.

  


**∴**

  


Proposition: Lukas Randall has an opinion on Lila Desroses.

  


**_FALL DOWN SEVEN_ ** _times, rise up eight_. That’s probably what Kieran White would’ve seen plastered on the decorated walls of a house, if he grew up in a normal household. Unfortunately for him, he learned it the hard way, by literally picking himself up whenever he got beaten down to the cold, concrete ground. 

Nonetheless—the virtue still stands, and it is the reason why Kieran comes to work undeterred as ever. As they agreed, he won’t be putting more effort on one than the other, leaving it to plain faith that Lila Desroses will be first to confess to Lukas Randall. But of course, even if he can’t exactly be unfair in his convincing processes—he can always savor some satisfaction upon every little confirmation he gets as he talks to the two.

But first, he needs to savor his morning coffee. He’s not sure how he’ll survive without it.

As soon as he arrives in the precinct, he heads for the break room, surprised to see another man already by the coffee pot. His surprise turns to delight when he sees that it’s none other than the very target of his and Lauren’s plans, the man whose heart is said to be cold as ice, unbreakable as diamond, the precinct’s Grumpy Cat—Lukas Randall. Kieran’s face lifts, corners of his mouth rising in an instant, the moment the two men make eye contact.

“Fuck no,” Randall says immediately, putting down the coffee pot on the counter with force.

Kieran doesn’t flinch, blinking at him curiously. “Is there something wrong, Officer?”

The officer picks up his mug and begins to walk, past Kieran, towards the door leading to the corridor. Kieran’s head rotates along with his movement, staring at Randall’s backside until he is left in the room alone, and he scoffs astounded.

Okay, so his first problem is to get the man to _actually_ acknowledge his presence.

He hastens to catch up with Randall, nearly tripping over his feet (who knew the Grumpy Cat, who he was pretty sure had shorter legs than he did, could walk across the corridor in such a short time?) catching him at the base of the stairs leading to the second floor. “Officer Randall! Did I do something wrong, perhaps?”

“You’re about to, I can tell,” he glowers at Kieran, his pitch back bangs shading his obsidian eyes, making him look even the more menacing. Lucky for Kieran—he’s seen worse monsters than a particularly emo officer. “I don’t care what the fuck you’re planning with your girl, but leave me out of this, or else I swear I _will_ tell Hermann what you’ve been up to.”

Randall begins heading up the stairs, and Kieran trails him, not so willing to give up just yet. “What have I been up to?” he asks innocently.

He’s sure Randall is rolling his eyes. “You and Lauren. In the precinct.”

“It’s not like we’ve ever done _anything_ in the precinct,” Kieran breathes out. “And besides, is love a crime?”

Randall pauses, turning to look at him with an absolutely disgusted look on his face. “First, we’re in a _workplace_. Second—it hasn’t been so long since you two met, and you’re already in _love_?”

He groans. “Why’d you assume it’s weird to experience _love_ within a short time? Feelings are unpredictable, they can start off as a small spark and in a split second, blow up as an entire explosion—”

Randall shakes his head, continuing to walk. “You guys just probably had some really good sex and called dibs on each other, didn’t you?”

Kieran sighs. What is it with people and thinking sex solves everything? (Then again, they _did_ assume the same to be true of William and Kym...) “Then we could’ve just been coworkers with benefits, Officer. Lauren has a nasty temper; I wouldn’t just date her because she’s good in bed. Back to my point—it’s completely possible and understandable to have feelings for a certain someone unprecedentedly, seemingly so out of the blue...”

Randall stops in front of the door to the office. “Are you _really_ going to disturb me in the office just to prove a point that doesn’t exist?”

“What point? I’m not trying to prove anything,” Kieran says, shrugging casually. “You _did_ ask whether Lauren and I are in love. Unless, of course, _you_ have those feelings… and are not coming to terms with them.”

“Yeah, I have feelings,” he says, pushing the door. “I’m genuinely conflicted on whether the satisfaction of murdering you right here is worth risking my job for. Applicable to every officer who works in this goddamn precinct.”

“You said _officer_ , so the secretary doesn’t necessarily apply, does she?” Kieran feigns an innocent look on his face. He notices the woman in the topic is yet to arrive, which is a shame, because it would’ve been the perfect timing to see him try to come up with an answer that does not give himself away. 

“I don’t care for Desroses,” Randall states bluntly, heading towards his desk. Kieran follows him like a persistent puppy, ignoring the amused stares from the Lieutenant and the Sergeant, both seated quietly on their desks. He’s sure the two know what he’s up to, anyway.

“Really?” Randall ignores him as he settles himself. Kieran pauses, before speaking again, “You don’t care, as in you don’t want to murder her, or you don’t care about her enough to spare her from your list of murders?”

Randall keeps silent, but not in contemplation. He’s putting all his attention on his work, and Kieran purses his lips, thinking of how to get him to speak. He glances at the side, and William Hawkes gives him the green light by jutting his chin, while Kym Ladell gives him an all-knowing smirk. _Well then_ , Kieran thinks, turning back to the Grumpy Cat with a smile of his own.

“You really don’t care for her?”

He doesn’t respond. 

“But that can’t be true,” Kieran muses, looking off to the distance like he’s in some melodrama. “I think you do have an opinion on Ms. Desroses.”

Randall scoffs. “Since when are you the one to decide what is true and what is false in regards to my opinions?”

“But that’s exactly it,” Kieran retorts, eyes flitting back to Randall’s glare. “Okay, let’s assume that it is as you say, that you don’t have an opinion of the secretary.”

“It’s not an assumption, it’s a fact,” Randall asserts, and Kieran is so tempted to roll his eyes, but he does not quite want to break his momentum, so he ignores it.

“If it is true that you _don’t_ have an opinion on Ms. Desroses, then your opinion on Ms. Desroses is that you don’t have an opinion on her at all, but even that in itself _is_ an opinion on her. Hence, it’s impossible for you to _not_ have an opinion on Ms. Desroses.”

Randall stares at him dumbfounded. 

“Am I wrong?” Kieran blinks innocently.

“You’re not, White, but you can apply that logic to every single topic in the fucking world and it’ll still hold true,” Randall grits out.

Kieran shrugs. “You’re not wrong,” he admits. “I was just pointing out that it’s impossible _not_ to have an opinion on her. So, what do you think about the secretary, really?”

“I don’t— _motherfucker_ ,” Randall curses, knowing Kieran’s gonna pull his contradiction shit again if he says that, realizing he needs to measure his words more carefully. He visibly struggles to give him an answer that does not betray his true feelings, and eventually he gives up, opting not to speak instead. 

“You know,” Kieran speaks yet again, “for someone who tried to argue that he doesn’t think of her, you seem to be putting a whole lot of effort into thinking about her. Maybe try answering the question with… your _feelings_ , and I’ll try not to give the same counterargument.”

“I _genuinely_ don’t care for her at all,” Randall finally says in such a solemn tone, anyone who hears it might think he’s being honest. But anyone who’s seen him around Lila Desroses would know that Lukas Randall is lying through his teeth. (Ladell’s snicker was _way_ too loud, but it is a confirmation nonetheless.)

“Okay, so you don’t want to murder her like you do the rest of us?”

“Yes, White, I don’t have plans on murdering Lila.”

“Why?” Kieran pushes. “What makes her _different_ that you don’t want to murder her, while you do the rest of us?”

“Because she’s not a piece of ass that pulls this kind of shit when I’m just trying to work in _peace_ ,” Randall spits. “Unlike you lot, she actually has half the mind to leave me alone, respects my desire for personal space—” at this, he glares at the Sergeant, who raises her hands in mock surrender, “—and does not nitpick on each and every one of my words trying to find a fucking flaw in them just so they can prove a fucking point.” His glare is back to Kieran’s, and he does not wonder why the officer is dubbed the title of Grumpy Cat, because he actually looks like a pettable grumpy cat, and Kieran so wants to do that, but he suspects he’ll be murdered before he actually gets to do so.

“See, it doesn’t add up. To have these thoughts on her, you need to have _thought_ about her,” Kieran shrugs. “So by contradiction, you _do_ think of her.”

“Little shit,” Randall curses under his breath, and Kieran so wants to stick his tongue out in his small victory. _Okay, maybe I_ am _petty_ , he thinks. “Counterpoint,” Randall suddenly says, and Kieran looks at him with mild surprise and expectation. “These are my thoughts of her as a person; I _thought_ about these, but I don’t _think_ of her on the daily, so your argument holds untrue.”

Kieran lets out an amused smirk, clearly not expecting the officer to go with the debate; it’s even harder to prove a point now that he’s taking semantic meaning into account. “Ooooh, this is getting _spicy_ ,” Ladell hoots, and Hawkes is quick to hush her, but Kieran sees that he, too, is invested in the scene before him.

Before he’s able to come up with an argument, the door opens right then, and in comes Lauren Sinclair with gorgeous red hair and an astounding ability to detect lies. _Bless her presence_ , he thinks in gratitude. “Ah! Perfect timing, Officer Sinclair. Come, I need you to prove a fact for me.”

“Oh, _fuck_ no,” Randall exclaims, slamming his pen on the table. “Like _hell_ am I being interrogated over this, by _two_ of you no less.” He begins to rummage his drawers.

“What are you looking for?” Lauren asks curiously, stopping on the way to her desk to peer into Randall’s actions.

“A camera, so I have some evidence to give Hermann in arguing my case on needing to fire _the both_ of you.”

Lauren freezes, but Kieran merely cocks his head. “Eh, I think I’ll get out of free just fine. Hermann adores the hell out of me for some unfathomable reason.”

“And you have a snake for a tongue,” Randall grumbles under his breath. “I’ll do it anyway; you may be able to get out of this, White, but your beloved over there sure as hell can’t. Hermann _hates_ her to the core, and no amount of sweet-talking can get her out of his hatred.”

“My beloved will be fine,” Kieran drawls. “I’ll still love her even if she gets fired, and I surely can make enough money for the both of us, right honey?” He turns to her who stands agape, simply to wink at her. He looks back at Randall before he can see her reaction, and he grins. “So, back to our earlier discussion: I have every reason to believe that, contrary to your argument, you think of Ms. Desroses everyday. Can you confirm, or do you require evidence as support before you are willing to admit to the claim?”

Lukas Randall glares between the both of them, before returning to his work, refusing to speak.

“You know, when you’re silent, it’s usually a sign of confirmation.”

“I’m exercising my Miranda rights, fucker. Sinclair would be familiar with that, right?” he spits, eyes trained at the officer. 

“A low blow, Officer, even for you,” Kieran mutters, but Lauren suddenly speaks up after having remained silent the entire time: 

“I’m _also_ familiar with the trend that suspects who _do_ exercise their Miranda rights are more likely to be guilty, or at the very least hiding something. Are _you_ hiding something, Lukas?”

Kieran stares at her astounded, stunned by the amount of _sheer confidence_ in her tone, even when she’s just been jabbed about her old position as a detective—and he doesn’t know why, but he feels an odd sense of pride upon seeing a mirage of the detective Lauren Sinclair used to be. 

He might’ve forgotten to mask the expression, because Randall is making a gagging motion. “You two fuckers take your fun somewhere else,” he growls, “none of these lovey dovey shit in _my_ face, none of your smartasses up my business. Don’t you two have better things to do?”

Kieran shrugs, but he makes a move to leave. “I mean, of course that depends on how you define better—”

Lukas Randall is out of his chair in an instant, a camera in hand.

“Whoa, hold on there, G.C.,” Lauren holds out both her hands to him in panic. “Kieran, just get the fuck out already, before I end up getting fired for real. And Lukas, if you _dare_ bring this up to Hermann, I _will_ make sure Kym makes your life a living hell, especially now that she’s bothering Will less.”

_Ah, the old blackmail days_ , Kieran ponders with a soft tinge of reminiscence. “Yeah, I think I’ll take my leave; I do have a job to maintain. Meanwhile, I’ll leave you to the detective over here.” While passing Lauren, he stage-whispers, “Don’t be too harsh on him, honey. His only crime is not knowing he’s in love with _the_ Lila Desroses. Granted, it’s quite a crime...”

Lauren merely rolls her eyes. “And your crime is that you’re too theatrical for no acceptable reason.”

“Only for you, Ms. Sinclair.”

“GET OUT!” Randall roars, and Kieran fakes a terrified expression as he rushes to the door, grinning the moment he turns his back on the officer.

What a feeling it is, to be hated for being a tease, rather than for all of his true crimes.

  


[confirmed]

  


**∴**

  


Proposition: Lukas Randall affects Lila Desroses.

  


**LAUREN WISHES SHE** can say that her meeting Secretary Desroses in the restroom is a coincidence, but that would be a lie, and Lauren hates lying. The truth is, she waited three exact minutes from the moment Lila left the office, saying she needs to go to the restroom, before leaving for the same reason. As she passed by Lukas Randall’s desk, she saw him glaring at her through his bangs, knowing exactly what she’s trying to do, which made her all the more humored by his demeanor.

Ah, to be so scared of the prospects of romance. Lauren is glad that at least, in the midst of all her own problems, she does not have to deal with the complications that come with liking, let alone loving someone.

She enters the restroom to find Lila Desroses standing by the sinks, washing her hand. The secretary looks up to Lauren with her large, hazel eyes, as her lips break apart into a smile. “Officer Sinclair!”

“Ah, hi there, Lila!” Lauren greets with a smile of her own, walking towards her. “How have you been lately? I’m sure it hasn’t been easy with the spike in the cases we’ve had to deal with.”

“Eh, I’ll be alright,” she shrugs, flicking the water droplets off her hands. “My job is nothing compared to what you officers have been doing for the city, so really, thank _you_ , Officer.”

“Please, we wouldn’t have done much without you,” Lauren says modestly. “You’ve been handling so much of our paperwork-related problems, and on top of that, you’ve had to deal with… our peculiar patrol unit. You certainly deserve an award for that.”

Lila lets out a sweet, melodic laugh that echoes through the restroom. “Sure, both the Lieutenant and Sergeant have made… strange requests to me for their back-and-forth banter, but thanks to you and Kieran, they seem to have finally calmed down from it, so thank _you_ , Lauren. That was definitely one bold move of you to do.”

“Did we do anything?” A playful smile rests on Lauren’s lips. “It was just a small heart-to-heart and an overdue epiphany that occurred in Kym, was it not?”

“You don’t have to act, Kieran told me everything,” Lila tells her, and Lauren looks at her, taken aback. This causes Lila to laugh louder, covering her mouth. _Well it’s no wonder he’s betting on Lila_ , she wonders, _apparently they’re on closer terms than I thought_. “Don’t worry, there’s nothing going on between Kieran and I; we talk occasionally when he comes by the office for his rounds. He’s a really pleasant person to talk to.”

_Pleasant_ is the last word Lauren will ever define having a conversation with Kieran by, but she supposes with his ability to act, he can be any way he wants to with anyone, or maybe Lila just likes talking to people like Kieran for some unfathomable reason. “Well, it’s not like I mind if you _do_ have something going on with him anyway, but I’d be surprised, considering…” Lila waits expectantly. “Well, I’ve always assumed you had a thing for Lukas.”

Lauren observes her carefully; Lila blushes, but she does so easily, so she can’t jump to conclusions yet. “Lukas and I are just coworkers, Lauren.”

“On the contrary; Lukas seems to be a tamer person when he’s around you, I’d hardly call _that_ ‘just coworkers’,” Lauren argues. “Do you guys talk occasionally too? Like you and Kieran? I mean, I’ve hardly seen Lukas talk to someone like a normal human… in a normal conversation… willingly, at least.”

Lila shakes her head. “Aside from work, we—we barely talk,” she says. 

“Have you _tried_ talking to him?”

“Uh,” Lila smiles nervously, “no—not really?”

“But you talk to _everyone_ ,” Lauren states, flabbergasted. “You’ve never tried talking to Lukas? He’s such a fun person to talk to! ” Okay, she doesn’t have a good enough reason to get Lila to talk to Lukas, but perhaps that was a terrible excuse to use. Lukas is only fun to talk to if you enjoy the thought of _murder_. (Maybe that’s why Kieran was having so much fun talking to Lukas earlier this morning… Lauren shakes her head. She doubt he’d be stupid enough to talk about murder in the police department—or, if she is to be honest, she doubts _he_ thinks of murder in a fun way; he did say that he does not murder unless he has to.)

“He’s… uh,” Lila stammers. Lauren raises an eyebrow, urging her to complete the thought, but Lila simply shakes her head. “He’s nice, but—”

“Wow, you’re definitely one of the first people I’ve known to believe that he’s nice,” Lauren mutters, and Lila laughs. 

“I know he has a reputation of being grumpy and everything, but, well, he _is_ a police officer,” she reasons.

“We train to punch and shoot to take down criminals; we’re _violent_ , Lila,” Lauren tells her, and suddenly she recalls the time when Kieran points out that the cops in the 11th precinct are not much different from the ones in the 6th, treating the orphans like vile creatures, because eventually… eventually the cops are violent people. She shakes her head again; _not the time to be dwelling on morality when on a mission for_ love, she reminds herself.

The smile on Lila’s face is so innocent, Lauren wonders how she, of all people, ends up working in a police department (then again, Lila doesn’t actually deal with criminals in action, so she supposes it’s still understandable). “I know,” she says, adamant, “but I think it’s a necessary violence. It’s naïve to think that we can fight criminals with compassion, even if that’s what _I_ would rather do, y’know? Some means _are_ necessary, in my opinion, which is also why I still think what Lune is doing is a great thing, because eventually what they’re doing does not bring harm to anyone, and they’re sending criminals to their right places, delivering justice.”

As the woman of the topic, Lauren feels slightly delighted that at least _someone_ is on their side—yet she knows, in the end, that Lune are still criminals and they still broke the law. She doesn’t quite know what to say to that, so she ignores it entirely, reminding herself that she’s there to talk about Lila and Lukas, not about Lune. “Well, if you put it that way. But Lukas is… questionable even when he’s not in action.”

Lila chuckles nervously, and Lauren finds it very interesting the way she blushes so easily, even when the conversation is barely on her. “He is… indeed, questionable.”

“Does he make you nervous?” Lauren asks curiously.

“Uhhh,” Lila says hesitantly. “I’m just… very shy around everyone.”

“I think you talk to me just fine,” Lauren points out, “and I’m pretty sure you’ve known me for as long as you know Lukas.”

“Well—you spoke to me first,” Lila reasons. “Lukas looks… unapproachable.”

“Then why don’t _you_ try to approach him first?”

“Well…” Lila scratches the back of her neck with a nervous chuckle. “Uh, he doesn’t seem to want to be bothered? And there’s not really a reason for us to… you know, _talk_ , aside from work-related things.”

“Do you not want to talk to him?” Lauren asks, and wonders if she’s coming off as overbearing, with all the questions she’s asking. Old habits die hard, as they say.

“Uh, I… well.”

“You know, if you really want to talk to him, you should try talking to him,” Lauren suggests. “I’ve a feeling he’ll hear _you_ out, if not us—and he usually hears us out anyway. Besides, there’s no harm in trying, is there?”

“I—I can’t, Lauren,” she says with a sigh, finally moving away from the sink. “I… I can’t even _look_ at him without…” she turns her palms to Lauren, “getting all clammy and such.”

Lauren looks at her with a soft, sympathetic smile. “So he _does_ affect you. The question is, in what way does he affect you?”

“I—” Lila blushes even harder, making Lauren wonder whether how much of her blood is in her face at the moment, because how can one look so _red_? She’s pretty sure the secretary’s face is redder than her own _hair_ , at this point. “I should probably get back to work. So should you, Officer.” Lila leaves the restroom, and Lauren is left standing with her reflection in the mirror.

Well, this is going to take a while. Though, if there’s one thing she can enjoy from the brief talk, it’s the confidence that arises from seeing Lila’s nervosity—there is _no way_ she’ll be able to confess to Lukas Randall, if she gets so worked up by just _thinking_ about him.

  


[confirmed]

  


**∴**

  


Proposition: Lukas Randall enjoys Lila Desroses’ presence.

  


**TECHNICALLY, BY LAW,** Lauren is not allowed to detain Lukas Randall any longer than 48 hours since he is detained. This means that she should have found every evidence she needs, or at the very least, interrogate him with whatever she has, before the designated time. Lukas Randall, she assumes, is well aware of this procedure. However, it is to her luck that he cannot use this as his argument, because unlike an actual interrogation, Lauren has been unable to physically detain Lukas—he _literally_ avoids her whenever they’re outside of the office, and when they’re inside, _she’s_ the one being scolded for not doing her work (and also Lila is _right there_ , which makes it quite hard for him to be honest because he is sure he’ll refute all her accusations). Thus, by that reasoning, he is _technically_ not being detained by her, and all she has to do is find a way to actually detain him to begin her questioning.

She might’ve gone easy on Lila—because after all, who can be mean to _the_ Lila Desroses? (And she is confident that even _Lukas “Grumpy Cat” Randall_ does not have the heart to be mean to _her_.) But she is _definitely_ not going to be nice to Lukas, because after all, he did make their life in the precinct a living hell by imposing terror on them. (Nah, she just wants to win.)

She’s also lucky she’s generous in her favors (re: she helped her two best friends, who are the Lieutenant and Sergeant, to get together), because her request to be partnered with Lukas during today’s patrol is easily granted, causing Lukas to send them the sharpest glare they’ve seen in a while, and Lauren considers taking back her request.

“You better actually get this to work, because I don’t want to face his wrath when I’m not involved in this,” William mutters, Lauren by his side as they walk out of the building.

“If I got _Kym_ to confess to you a few days after she realizes she likes you, you bet I can make Lukas confess, especially since he’s _always_ liked Lila,” Lauren says with all the world’s confidence. “He just needs a little convincing, is all.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how you’re gonna get _him_ to confess when he barely wants to _talk_ to her,” Kym comments from behind, putting an arm on Lauren’s shoulder and the other on Will’s. “I think getting Lila to talk to him first may be easier.”

“Really?” Will turns to her curiously. “I don’t think Lila can muster the courage to talk to Lukas at all. She’s nervous even around _me_ , and I’m… not threatening.”

“Do you see the way you scream at me in the office? You’re terrifying as fuck,” Kym retorts.

“Then why are _you_ never terrified when I’m telling you to do your work?”

“Because Kym’s a special case,” Lauren sighs, a wide smile on her face. “And a bit messed up in the head, but we don’t talk about that.”

“Hey!” Kym exclaims with a scowl, but Lauren is already running off to catch up with Lukas, in the direction of their designated patrol route for the day. 

When she’s finally walking by his side, Lukas grumbles, “You see the effect of you setting them up together? Now they’re being extra disgusting, and the mood in the office is way too romantic for a fucking _workplace_. This is why you should stick to your own business, Sinclair.”

Lauren sighs. “Randall, Lukas, Grumpy Cat. Oh, Lukas,” she whines dramatically, and wonders whether she’s been watching Kieran do his cheeky magic too much. “Maybe you’ve been too caught up in your own feelings for a while, but the aura in the office was _unbearable_ because of the two of them. The silence was so _awkward_ that I can barely concentrate.”

“I’ve to agree with you on that,” Lukas mutters reluctantly, “but the mood now is much worse than before. At least in the silence it was easy to work.”

_Oh?_ A very interesting lie, that surely is, but she isn’t sure how to bring it up without making it obvious that she has the special ability. So she says, “You think so? I’ve gotten so used to the bickering, that the silence in contrast was much more suffocating. It’s like… like I could hear _every little thing_ that happened in the room, even the ticking of the clock.”

Lukas says nothing.

_Gah_. Of course. How is she ever gonna bring the topic if he doesn’t respond… ugh. “You know, there’s still some… unresolved tension in the office, I’ve noticed.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care,” Lukas states bluntly, turning round a sharp corner, and Lauren nearly walks ahead before realizing Lukas has turned, and following suit. 

“Come on, Lukas. Let’s be professionals here,” she reasons.

“I don’t think meddling in your coworkers’ personal life is considered _professional_ , Sinclair.”

“The aim is to increase productivity, so I’d still classify it as professional,” Lauren argues. “If the personal issue goes so far as to obstruct the workplace, then it’s better to meddle than to let it brew and blow up.”

“I have _literally_ remained silent ever since I started working in the precinct, only talking because _you_ people practically forced me to, yet you still think it’s an issue? Last time I checked, talking decreases productivity.”

“I didn’t even say who it’s about. So you admit, you’re the issue?”

Lukas jerks to a halt and opens his mouth, clearly a nasty insult ready, but he closes it again. Truly, he heeds the Miranda warning all too well. He continues walking, and Lauren is quick to fall in step with him. 

“In regards to your concern,” Lauren addresses, “as is the case with the Lieutenant and Sergeant—this silence is an issue because we can literally feel the suffocating tension, disrupting our normal work routine. Which is why, as a coworker who cares—”

“Care, my fucking ass, you’re just doing this because you and White find some sick entertainment in watching people struggle with their feelings.”

“It’s not watching them _struggle_ , Lukas, it’s watching them _admit_ their feelings and act on them like a healthy person would, which is something unfortunately _you_ struggle with,” Lauren says, waving her hands to help with her explanation. 

“It’s a struggle if I’m putting more effort than necessary into it, which I clearly am not.”

“Which is an unhealthy behavior, Lukas. You need to learn to—”

“Have you considered becoming a therapist?” Lukas cuts, “because you sound fucking deranged.”

Lauren gives him an incredulous look. “Do you think they’d be accepting deranged people into being therapists?”

Lukas ignores this too. Lauren clenches her teeth, before relaxing her jaw, exhaling a sigh. “Okay, I’ll be real. Just talk to her.”

Lukas rolls his eyes, but says nothing. Lauren simply goes on: “Tell her how you feel. Trust me, the feeling is reciprocated. Then, no one has anything to use against you, you won’t be teased for having feelings because there’s nothing for you to deny anymore! See, what brilliant logic that is.”

“Very bold of you to assume that I have feelings for her to begin with,” Lukas counters. 

“Oh, please,” Lauren groans. “Do you see the way you regard Lila whenever she comes into the room?” Lauren does not miss the way Lukas tenses slightly when she mentions her name. “See, even when I just mention her name, you react without realizing it. She does affect you more than you think, and judging by your lack of hostility towards her, I’m willing to bet that this feeling you have for her is a positive one.”

“I’m only decent to her because she’s never given me a reason to hate her,” Lukas argues. Lauren doesn’t think what he’s saying exactly is incorrect, so if it’s a lie… 

“Is that really the only reason?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he asserts. “Maybe you people should try being nice to me for a change, and I’ll leave you all alone. By nice, I mean, don’t talk to me. At all.”

“So your definition of being nice to you is by not talking to you?”

“Did I not make that clear enough this past year?”

“Okay, let’s assume you’re decent to Lila because she’s ‘nice’ to you where we aren’t,” Lauren states, pausing to look around the crowded square. “Alright. You say Lila has never given you a reason to hate her, which means she’s nice to you, which means she rarely talks to you.”

“Not this shit again,” Lukas mutters, and Lauren hears it loud and clear, but she clearly couldn’t care less.

“I _clearly_ remember Lila greeting you a few times in the precinct. Do you admit that?”

“Pleasantries. Doesn’t count.”

“You hate pleasantries—but sure, I’ll let that slide,” Lauren shrugs, and they resume walking at a slow pace. “I also remember her coming over to your desk a few times, talking to you.”

“Work-related. I don’t mind.”

“Do you remember, a few days ago, when Lila asked you whether you were coming to the New Years’ party?”

Lukas halts. “She noticed that?” he grumbles to himself, before shaking his head. “Still classifies as work-related; it’s a work-related event.”

“Yes, I noticed that; as you so helpfully reminded the other day, I used to be a detective, it’s part of the job description,” Lauren says matter-of-factly. “And, no, the party doesn’t classify as a work event, because it doesn’t have to do with actual _work_ and is purely a social event. Last but not least, you yourself said, and I quote, ‘If you’re there, I definitely can’t miss it’.”

“How lifeless are you that you listen into others’ conversations?” Lukas asks in frustration, clearly unable to refute that last fact.

Lauren ignores his offense, and concludes: “So she talks to you, something not related to work, and you don’t consider it a reason to hate her. Furthermore, you literally said you’d be at the new year’s party because she’s there. I think the conclusion is all too obvious here—”

Lukas doesn’t do anything, which surprises Lauren a little, she thought he would’ve shut her up by some… violent way. Especially given that they’re alone, outside (well, with onlookers, of course, but not with other _cops_ , because _they_ were the cops), he has every opportunity to just shut her up through his personal preference.

“—you don’t mind Lila’s presence, because the truth is, you _enjoy_ her presence,” she finishes.

When he does not respond, Lauren scoffs. “See, I told you, the silent ones are always the guilty ones. And you _still_ tried to lie, saying you don’t _think_ of her. I bet you think of her even as you work, don’t you?” She nudges his side with her shoulder, and he looks at her with much disgust. 

“Gods, don’t _touch_ me,” Lukas fumes. “Okay, you’ve made your point. Now _leave me alone_ , for fuck’s sake.”

“We’ve still got time until our patrol duty ends, so technically, I can’t leave you alone,” Lauren shrugs nonchalantly. “Besides, I’ve stated my point, but you’re not listening to me. _Talk_ to her.”

“Why the fuck are you so concerned over whether I talk to her or not?” Lukas asks, exasperated. “Give me one good answer, and I’ll consider it.”

Lauren groans. “I told you, if you talk to her, there’s none of that denial bullshit and no one can hold this knowledge against you.”

Lukas rolls his eyes. “That’s not _your_ reason for doing this, is it? That’s a disadvantage to you.”

“Since when do you care about others' reasons for doing things?” Lauren retorts.

“Because you’re acting _weird_ , Lauren,” Lukas finally says, turning to face her. “Why are you so _driven_ to do this?”

Lauren blinks, genuinely surprised by the question. “I—well, I mean, I’ve a bet… but also, I _do_ want to see the two of you just… together. Do you know how much we’re suffering from the tension—”

She pauses when she notes the look on Lukas’ face, like he can’t quite comprehend, and she doesn’t quite understand why. In the end, he simply shakes his head, before walking towards the other officers, who are already back, chatting with each other as they wait for the two.

William is first to come up to her. “Well the look on your face is definitely not as confident as you sounded earlier,” he notes.

“I—” Lauren doesn’t quite understand what just happened either. “Is it that weird that I’m trying to convince him to just talk to Lila?”

Will ponders on it for a moment. Then, he asks, “Why exactly are you doing this, though?”

“I… we made a bet on who’ll confess first,” Lauren says, dumbfounded. 

“Well that explains it,” Will mutters. “Of course you’re putting effort into this, because you’re trying to win a bet.”

Lauren nods, because that is exactly it. She’s putting effort into this, of course, because she’s trying to win the bet. Nothing odd.

Even as she tries to reassure herself that, she cannot shake the way unsettlement spreads through her body, filling up the ends of her mind.

  


[confirmed]

  


**∴**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooohhhh do i see: internal conflict? 🤩 (please, even a romcom must have its problems y’all let me live for sprinkling Tension)
> 
> i’m lukas irl, but if i like you i become kieran 😌✨ 
> 
> that one argument was inspired by a famous example of consequentia mirabilis, which is aristotle’s philosophy argument— that if you’re against philosophy, you’re still supporting philosophy because you have a philosophy on philosophy, which is just about the best thing ever
> 
> 10 points if you can spot each way lauki acts like a married couple, 20 points for each hypocritical thing lauren thinks, and 50 points for every statement you can identify that will be a point of conflict 🤩🤩
> 
> ah and: happy lunar new year to everyone who celebrates!! ❤️🎊🧧🎏🎉🏮 thank you for sparing some time to read this!!


	5. reductio ad impossibile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> apparently none of them are a match for kieran white’s cheeky proofs and lauren sinclair’s ruthless questioning. well, seems like that concludes the bets! it was fun while it lasted.
> 
> (but perhaps if they had the power of foresight…)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **proof by contradiction** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proof_by_contradiction)
>> 
>> _reductio ad impossibile_ — reduction to impossibility  
> the proposition must be true because otherwise, a contradiction occurs  
>  _p ≡ p ∨ ⊥ ≡ ¬(¬p) ∨ ⊥ ≡ ¬p → ⊥_
> 
>   
> contradiction, in logic, means false in every possibility; happens when there is an inconsistency in the propositions (usually opposites)

**∴**

Proposition: Lila Desroses wants to talk to Lukas Randall.

**“KIERAN, YOU ARE** a delight to talk to, but—”

Kieran snorts before Lila Desroses even gets to finish her sentence, and perhaps he’s done so quite impulsively, because Lila widens her eyes at the sudden disruption. “Sorry,” he apologizes in a hurry, “it’s just—I know _someone_ would definitely argue with that.”

“Really? I can’t imagine,” Lila says genuinely. Currently, they’re in the office while the officers are doing their daily patrol. Lila must’ve known that Kieran decided to come into the office at this time specifically to do his convincing magic, judging from the way she reacted the moment he came in. He chuckles, standing by the side of her desk to continue talking to the secretary.

“You should’ve been there this morning when I was trying to talk to Officer Randall,” Kieran tells her. “I’d be flattered that he has such strong feelings for me—even if it _is_ of murder—but he has the same feelings for everyone else. Everyone but _you_ , I hear.”

“Oh, not you too,” Lila whines. 

Kieran raises a brow. “Did Lauren talk to you already?”

“We talked in the restroom the other day,” Lila informs him. “Now that I think about it I’m _preeeetty_ sure she approached me intentionally.”

“She definitely did, that woman,” Kieran mutters. “But never mind her. I’m sure Officer Sinclair can come off as overbearing sometimes, you know, with her tendency as a detective and whatnot.”

“No, no! She’s very nice, really,” Lila immediately reassures. “It’s just…” she breaks off into nervous laughter.

Kieran wonders how Lauren acts like with people who aren’t criminals, but he supposes he’ll never know. “It’s alright, you don’t have to explain if you’re not comfortable with it,” Kieran says calmly. 

“Is that not why you’re here? To get me to admit my feelings and talk to Lukas?” Lila asks directly, and Kieran raises his hands.

“Guilty as charged, but it doesn’t look like you’re ready to talk about it.”

Lila flushes, hiding her face behind her rosy blonde hair. “Well, I really appreciate the sentiment, so thank you, Kieran.” She pauses, then says, “I’d love to hear you out anyway, if you have anything to say.”

“Oh, truly, you’re too good for this world,” Kieran says genuinely, giving her his best version of a shy smile. “Thank _you_ , Lila. I’m reconsidering trying to push you and Mr. Randall together, because he clearly doesn’t deserve you.”

“You flatter me too much,” Lila chuckles, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. “Lukas is no less of a man, and he definitely deserves more than someone who can barely _talk_ to him.”

“Do you mind me asking… what stops you from being able to talk to him?” Kieran asks patiently. “You don’t have much of a problem speaking with us.”

“Oh, you know Lukas,” Lila replies with no less of a cheer in her voice. “He’s not very fond of talking, so if I can help it, I don’t talk to him.”

“But you clearly want to,” Kieran states rather than asks.

Lila laughs nervously. “I’m fine without talking to him, really.”

“Really?” Kieran questions, tilting his head curiously. “If you don’t mind not talking to him, why is it that you’re always stealing glances at him, like you _do_ want to talk?”

Lila’s mouth opens and closes like a gaping blowfish, mind turning as she figures what to say. “Uh— is it that obvious?”

“Yes, dear Lila, I _do_ notice it, and I don’t work at the office with the two of you, so that is quite telling.” Then again it’s a force of habit of his, as an assassin, to be observing his surroundings as much as he can. But of course, he does not need to say that.

She flushes. “Maybe I do want to talk to him… it’s just, he doesn’t make it easy.” She chuckles weakly.

“You know, it’s not like he doesn’t talk to anyone,” Kieran points out. “He does respond when you start a conversation with him, and I don’t think he minds as long as you’re not breaching his personal space. I’ve seen him speak with Lauren in a much more civil manner than I’ve seen them talk to other people, and they’re the two people I know that have the most murderous tendencies.” In this precinct, at least. Outside, he can name quite a few…

Lila laughs. “I totally see what you mean,” she agrees. “Yeah, but I just… have a feeling that I’ll… come off as annoying instead of like, comfortable to talk to.”

“You know, you’ll never know until you try,” Kieran tells her. “I think you’ll know better after years of working with him that he doesn’t have bad intentions, especially not towards you.”

Lila sighs, but she maintains the smile on her face. “Kieran, you’ve never had a… crush on anyone, have you?”

Kieran blinks, not expecting the question. _What is it with people and suddenly asking about him about_ his _personal life?_ “Not… for as long as I can remember. Why?”

“You’re right, I do like him and I do want to talk to him,” Lila admits at last. “But right now, we’re already in this… acceptable state, where he treats me with decency and I don’t bother him, and it’s more than I can ever ask for. I’d rather keep this, than lose this by trying to talk to him, doing something I want, breaking his boundaries.”

Kieran feels the tension stemming in his head, and feels the urge to massage his temples. What is it with people and being so scared of attaining something better? (Maybe it’s just because he has nothing left to lose.) “I totally understand your concern, but believe me when I say you’re not going to lose anything by talking to him. He wants to talk to you just as much as you want to talk to him, really.”

“He doesn’t seem to want to,” Lila counters, cocking her head. “I’m sure if he really wants to talk to me, he can do that easily.”

“Oh, believe me, he’s been dying to somehow be closer to you, the way his eyes drift to you every once in a while, even when you’re not doing anything to catch his attention,” Kieran tells her, and her face grows redder than ever. He continues, “He’s just as shy as you are in this whole thing, and he’s never been good at talking to begin with. That’s why he hasn’t spoken to you; he’s scared that what he says will come off as offensive to you. As you know, he can rarely communicate without adding murderous threats to his words.”

At that, Lila laughs. “You’re not… wrong.”

“Never am, darling,” Kieran winks, and Lila brings up a hand to cover her sweet smile. 

“Oh, please.”

Kieran chuckles. “I know it isn’t easy, the thought of talking to him, but you’re the only one who can convince him to actually talk to you. He only listens to you, and you’re the only one who can tell him that you don’t mind talking to him. And, I’m sure if you say you _want_ to talk to him, he’ll talk to you all day if he can. You guys just have to take it easy, you know? Step by step.”

Lila offers a small smile. “Theoretically, that sounds great.”

“But?”

“But I—have you seen how I… how I just malfunction whenever I try to talk to him?” Lila says exasperatedly. “I’m so scared of saying something stupid, and I start getting all nervous and red, and I just blank out entirely, and end up not saying anything. I _have_ tried, you know?”

If only it isn’t inappropriate, Kieran would have pinched the secretary’s cheeks so badly, because she feels to him like a little sister he would protect with his entire life. He grins softly instead. “Okay, maybe we can approach this step by step. First, we know that he doesn’t like to talk while he’s working, right? So obviously you shouldn’t talk to him during office hours. Besides, there’d be a bunch of meerkats listening in to your conversation, and you really don’t want them to ruin the mood.”

Lila laughs brightly. “That, indeed, is true.”

Kieran joins her in laughter. “Right now, the two of you are nothing more than coworkers, so it probably wouldn’t be the best idea for you to barge into his personal life directly. So…”

Lila waits patiently. Kieran continues, “You make it clear that you want to make things a little more personal. Maybe invite him to the local cafe, say you want to talk, to get to know him first. I think he’d definitely appreciate that.”

“You know, for an archivist, you’re a very good judge of character,” Lila muses, and Kieran shrugs.

“M’yeah, it helps to understand a person before engaging with them in conversation.”

Lila nods. “It does,” she agrees. “So how exactly do I approach him, if I’m not supposed to talk to him in work hours?”

“You can approach him after work, catch him before he heads his own direction,” Kieran shrugs. “Or between breaks, or whenever you can catch him alone and not in duty.”

Lila nods slowly, keeping it in mind. “How are you so knowledgeable in romance?” Lila suddenly asks.

“Well, it’s not just romance, you can apply it to whenever you need to talk to someone about something,” Kieran shrugs.

“The way you approached the officers to convince them into confessing?” Lila says with a knowing smirk, and Kieran mirrors her expression.

“It’s effective, though, is it not?”

“It truly is,” Lila agrees, flashing her pearly teeth. “I think what makes it effective, though, is how genuinely you’re actually doing this. I know you said that you have a bet going on with Lauren, but I can tell you really would want for us to talk, which is really… heart-warming. Not to mention, it’s also making Lauren much, much happier than she’s been in _months_ , I can say. I don’t know how the bet came about, but I’m really glad it happened.”

Kieran… doesn’t quite know how to react to that. His fist tightens around the fabric of his trousers, offering a slight smile to the secretary.

“I… yeah,” he breathes out of speechlessness. When he realizes he’s caught himself off guard, he shakes his head and blinks. “Yeah, I really hope you guys do end up talking,” he says honestly, “you guys would make a really sweet couple. God knows we need some more love around this dire city.”

“Hmm, I definitely agree with you on that. I _also_ know a certain officer would love to receive some more love from a certain archivist,” she teases, and Kieran chokes up in his surprise.

_Lauren_? Wanting more love from _him_? The biggest fucking joke of the century. 

He so badly wants to laugh—and he’s sure that it’ll bring only suspicion from the secretary—so he’s eternally grateful when the door suddenly opens, and Kym Ladell enters the office, followed by the rest of the officers, and Lauren Sinclair herself at the very last. He notices that she is way too out of her mind for her own good… and she’s a whole patrol officer.

He gives one last encouraging smile to Lila, before walking towards the door where Lauren moves, slowly and too idly. “You’re still wearing your mask,” he notes.

Lauren blinks, and takes it off. “Yeah, I know,” she says, but he’s sure that she’s lying; he’s not too sure _why_.

“Are you okay?” he asks seriously, especially worried that it might be related to the Phantom Scythe, or their identities as Lune, and suddenly all thoughts of happy couples and love are gone from his mind.

Lauren glances at his face for a brief second, but immediately looks away. “It’s nothing,” she mutters, and starts to walk to her desk.

And maybe Kieran would’ve stopped her, if he could’ve grabbed her arm, but he made a vow not to touch her, _any_ of them.

So he turns his head to look at her, watching as her muscles take over to get her seated on her desk as her mind roams away from reality. He swallows the lump in his throat and heads out of the office, only wishing that it is truly as she says, that nothing’s wrong, even if every nerve in his skin is telling him that it’s clearly a lie.

[confirmed]

**∴**

Proposition: Lila Desroses will be sad if Lukas Randall does not confess his feelings to her.

**LUKAS RANDALL IS** two seconds away from murdering someone. The only thing holding him back at the moment is whether he should murder Lauren or Kieran, and Lauren is betting on him murdering her first, because Kieran is slacking _way too much_ in trying to convince Lukas. So much for being fair. It’s been a few days, and they’ve yet to make _any_ progress. At this rate, the Phantom Scythe is gonna come murder them before Lila and Lukas even ends up together. (She prays to the gods above that this will not come true. She takes back what she thinks. Please, _please_ , gods, do not be so cruel.)

“Come on, Lukas,” Lauren groans, leaning dramatically against the lockers. “You have to let her know how to feel. Do you see the way she looks at you, waiting for you to come up to her, to say something?”

Lukas upholds his use of the silent treatment towards her, taking his coat out of his locker before slamming the door of the locker as loud as he could. She jumps, but Kieran stands still, watching as Lauren tries her best to get through his barrier. Lukas suddenly pauses, but he does not say what he’s thinking.

“Are you _really_ gonna be so petty as to make her talk to you first?” Kieran challenges. “Or are you just too much of a coward?”

“Oh, now don’t be sexist,” Lauren scoffs. Before she gets to say more, Kieran cuts her off.

“Did I _say_ he shouldn’t be scared because he’s a man? No, _you_ assumed that’s what I meant. _You’re_ the one stereotyping men for being sexist.”

She blinks at him, eyes furrowed. She can’t exactly deny that, but she doesn’t want to back down from the argument. “Well, you made it sound like you were being sexist. Would you say something like that to Lila?”

“Well of course I wouldn’t say something like that to Lila, she’s _Lila_ ,” Kieran says exasperatedly. “She’s naturally a shy person. Officer Randall has never hesitated with saying what he thinks of everyone and anybody, so one can clearly assume that if he’s not talking to her like everyone else, that he’s being _scared_.”

“Take your lovers’ quarrel somewhere else, for fuck’s sake,” Lukas grumbles, walking out. The two are quick to follow suit, and in Lauren’s haste she accidentally bumps Kieran by the shoulder. She tenses up, but covers it by giving him a mildly irritated look, before walking past him to catch up with Lukas. 

“Don’t mind him; as you might’ve realized, he’s a little shit,” Lauren mutters.

Lukas stops to glare at her, and she raises her eyebrows in confusion. He rolls his eyes, before continuing to walk again.

Lauren sighs. “Why can’t you just _talk_ to her?” she whines, and Lukas skids to a halt again. 

“How much are you betting?”

“Huh?”

He sighs, and proceeds to speak like explaining to a child (which she finds full offense in): “You’re betting against him that I’ll be the one to confess first, right? How much are you betting?”

“I—”

“I don’t fucking get it. You’re rich, you don’t even need the money,” Lukas points out. “Unless it isn’t money to begin with.”

“It’s _not_ , so don’t try to pay me,” Lauren sighs. “Why can’t you just believe that we’re doing this for you guys’ sake?”

“What is it?” Lukas presses on. “What do you gain from winning? From my confession?”

“Anything she wants,” Kieran speaks up from behind, and they turn to face him. Lauren narrows her eyes at him, but his eyes are trained on Lukas, who looks at him with suspicion.

“You guys are _dating_ , why would you need to win a bet to get anything you want, when you can just _ask_ for it?”

Kieran shrugs, his face nonchalant. “She’s immune to my charms, and I to hers. We use other methods to get what we want.”

Huh?

“You guys are _so good_ at speaking, why don’t you convince each other instead why you should get what you want?” Lukas drawls. “Better yet, consider: the “fuck” method. People have found it to be very effective, and I’m sure you two terribly emotionally constipated, sexually frustrated people will find it very compelling.”

She doesn’t even want to begin to _think_ about sleeping with Kieran White, of all people, so she shakes her head violently. “Listen—we’re doing this because we _genuinely_ want you guys to be together, okay? We want to see you guys happy with each other, because you guys deserve it. If not you, at least Lila does.”

At that, Lukas’ cold composure seems to flicker, a sliver of regret flashing through his obsidian eyes. 

“She deserves to know how you feel,” Lauren urges softly. “And you’ll be glad too, when she hears that you like her too and her face brightens the Lila way.”

Lukas turns away from Lauren, but she _swears_ she can see a hint of a blush rising up his neck, and she nearly jumps from elatedness. He doesn’t respond to her, instead choosing to resume walking, his speed faster than ever. Lauren is about to chase him down, but Kieran calls, “Lauren.” She turns to look at him with wide eyes.

“He’s literally almost there, I just need to convince him a little more—” she falters when she sees his solemn face, and wonders if something’s wrong.

He shakes his head, and juts his chin to something behind her. “Look,” he says softly.

She turns, and sees that Lila Desroses is heading out of the precinct, shortly after Lukas himself did. She looks back at Kieran for a second, sharing a silent look of agreement, before they both proceed to make their way to the precinct’s entrance, waiting a good while for the other two to walk a good distance away from the precinct, before heading out the doors themselves.

They’re far enough that they can’t hear what Lukas and Lila are saying, but the shy smiles in the two’s faces are _unmistakable_ (Lauren does not know what to feel about Lukas smiling in a way that isn’t sinister—he actually looks like a decent person, and it unnerves her in unimaginable ways), and she feels the corners of her mouth rise before she even realizes it. Kieran has quicker hands: he’s already taking a picture of the conversation, immortalizing it—and what is probably his victory. “Definitely using this as blackmail,” Kieran hums, “in case he ever dares out us to Hermann.”

Lauren sighs. “I was so confident Lukas would talk to her first,” she mutters under her breath, walking down the steps off the building entrance. “How’d you even get Lila, of all people, to talk to Lukas first?”

“Ms. Desroses likes to talk,” Kieran tells her. “She’s just shy that what she says will mess up their relationship, so I aided her in _how_ to talk to him in the way that brings least downsides. Aaaand maybe I charmed her here and there.”

“I never knew you were acquainted with Lila,” Lauren glances at him. “Or even Will, for that matter.”

Kieran shrugs. “It’ll probably be quite suspicious if I avoided talking to everybody while I work in the precinct. Lila is genuinely a delight to talk to, so we often chat as we’re passing by each other.”

“And Will?”

“I’m not close to him.”

“You guys are on a first name basis,” Lauren points out. “Will doesn’t just do that with anyone.”

“Well, I _had_ been trying to convince him to date Ladell, and maybe let out a few personal secrets here and there.”

“Truths?” Lauren quips, looking at him with much more interest now.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

She rolls her eyes. “And you said you’re not petty.”

“I’ve to admit, I was being a bit petty against Officer Randall,” Kieran says, “but you can’t argue against that since I’m technically helping _your_ case.”

“Maybe the reason he held back from confessing earlier is because you annoyed him too much,” Lauren retorts.

“Come on, just admit I won this one fairly.”

They stare into each other’s eyes for a while, not saying a word.

“So you won, then, White?” Lukas has apparently walked up to them. Lila is nowhere to be found in sight.

“Where’s Lila?” Lauren asks him worriedly.

“Uh, gone home.”

“Dude!” Kieran throws his hands in the air. “You should’ve walked her home.”

“You’ve been doing all you can to ignore us, and now you ignore _her_ to talk to _us_?” Lauren says, ridiculed. “Your priorities, man, where are they?”

Lukas turns to Kieran with an accusatory look. “You’re the one who told Lila to take it step by step, right? That’s exactly what we’re doing right now, so don’t yell at me for doing what you told her to do.”

Kieran and Lauren groan simultaneously. _This man really needs to be educated on basic human interactions_ , Lauren thinks hopelessly. “Walking someone home is just basic courtesy, Randall,” Kieran says with so much disappointment. “Even _I_ have half the mind to walk Lauren home, and we aren’t even— weren’t even dating yet. ” Lauren grits her teeth, fighting the urge to glare at him, in case it makes the slip up even more obvious. Kieran continues, doing his own part to cover up his mistake: “You’re an _officer_ no less, you should be used to making sure that the people are protected by the possible harm in these streets!”

“I’m sure Lauren doesn’t walk you home everyday,” Lukas rolls his eyes. 

“We’ve been dating for a while, so of course she doesn’t do that anymore,” Kieran’s reply is quick.

Lauren adds under her breath, “I wouldn’t ever do that to begin with, you dickhead.” Lukas doesn’t look at her, so she can only hope he doesn’t hear it. Kieran does, and he muffles a snicker. “What brings you here, though? We’ve done our part, now you guys can just go see where the relationship goes.”

“Unlike what you two may think, I know how to be a decent human.” Lukas clears his throat. “Thank you two.” Then, to Kieran, he says, “I don’t know how you could’ve convinced Lila by being the little shit you are, but you somehow did, and I have to thank you for that.”

Kieran breaks into a wide grin. “Oh, anytime, Officer.”

“Lukas is fine,” he grumbled, muffling the words that they’re barely audible, but Kieran has the heightened hearing abilities of a spy.

“Well then, Lukas, anytime you need advice on how to talk to Lila without hurting her feelings, you can come to me.”

Lukas gives him a very incredulous look that is all too comical to Lauren. “Is that what you said to her?” She bursts out laughing. “Is that really why you think I didn’t talk to her?”

Kieran raises an eyebrow. “Is it not? If it isn’t, then why would you have found it so hard to talk to her?”

“Because I don’t want to make a fool of myself, of course!”

Lauren pauses her laughing fit for a full second, watching as Lukas realizes what he’s just said, the blood flooding his face, and turns to Kieran. Spurts of laughter escape their lips, before they burst out in uncontrollable laughter. At one point, Lauren has to hold onto Kieran’s forearm to prevent herself from collapsing onto the ground altogether. 

By the time they finish laughing, Lauren is wiping literal tears from her eyes. “All this _fucking_ time, and you were literally just too shy to talk to her? Lukas, you will be the death of me.”

“I truly will, if you don’t stop teasing me about it,” Lukas mutters, his voice genuinely venomous, it brings her back to reality almost instantly. Kieran, though, has much more nerve against him than she does, clearly, because he dares to say, “Gods, you’re _adorable_ , you know that?”

“And you’re fucking insufferable,” Lukas retorts. Lauren is no longer sure whether the off-putting mixture of blood and shadow in Lukas’ face is due to his embarrassment, or his anger. What he says after surprises her a little, though: “How did _you_ confess to her? Did you just tell her you liked her?”

“Yeah, more or less,” Kieran shrugs with a smirk playing on his lips. “If she didn’t like me back, that’s her loss, right?”

“Everyday you make me question why I even like you,” Lauren deadpans, and Kieran gives her a smirk that she just wants to slap so badly.

Lukas looks at them weirdly, before shaking his head. “Whatever, you guys are too weird. Now that we’ve talked, you guys won’t bother us anymore, right?”

“Okay, okay, wait, what exactly _did_ you talk about?” Lauren questions, making sure that they’ve actually _confessed_ to each other, instead of just making small talk.

Lukas sighs. “Lila says she’s always had a thing for me, and asks if we can spend our day off together at the cafe round the corner of Whittaker street. Happy?”

“Ha! So I did win,” Kieran exclaims, bringing a scowl to Lauren’s face. Lukas rolls his eyes at the two—he’s understandably fed up by their antics—before turning to leave without another word. 

“Come on, now, Officer, don’t look so down,” Kieran says with a mocking pout. “You won once already, it’s only fair that I have my own victory.”

“Say, what if we—”

“No, there are no more couples to deal with,” Kieran stops her. “Unless you think setting up Hermann and March would be a good idea, that is. I love your ambition, truly, but we’ve also got some… real world problems to deal with, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Of course I haven’t,” Lauren mutters. Contrary to what the officers may believe (especially since they don’t know about her involvement with Lune to begin with), she still spends most of her nights thinking about all the information she’s discovered from Sandman about her parents, how they’re related to the Snapdragon, and subsequently, the Phantom Scythe. She sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Is this why they say gambling is bad for your health?”

Kieran snorts. “Now, to compare an innocent bet to gambling is, simply to say, very radical, officer,” he comments. He turns to her with a small smile. “But it _was_ fun while it lasted.”

Lauren cannot help the smile that grows on her face, upon the thought of her coworkers finally getting together. “It really is,” Lauren says, mirroring his smile. 

“The city’s most terrifying assassin, and most ruthless officer, working together to set up office romances. You’d think they’d have better things to do, when they’re literally wanted by the APD _and_ the Phantom Scythe,” Kieran snickers. “Who would’ve thought, huh?”

Her smile remains, but it is much more pensive. “Who indeed,” she muses silently.

_Disproven by counterexample._ [confirmed]

**∴**

**MANY PEOPLE CALL** Lila naïve for having too much of a positive outlook in life and seeing the good in everything, but she knows it does not do good to be too much of a cynic. When she sees Lukas right outside of the cafe she’s buying pastries in, she decides immediately that it has to be fate, even though the stars may be laughing at her, calling her foolish for reading into something that may be purely coincidence. 

She comes out with a bright smile on her face, rushing daintily on her heels and flowy skirt to catch up with him. “Lukas! I didn’t know you take this road to work.”

Lukas blinks wide eyed, before clearing his throat. “Oh, Lila. Good morning. Uh, do you usually walk by this street?”

Lila shakes her head, a smile gracing her lips. “Morning to you, too! And no, I left home early to get some pastries from a café I like to visit,” she informs him. 

“Pastries? What’s the special occasion?”

She shrugs. “Seeing Kieran and Lauren trying their best to get us together, it really warms my heart,” she says honestly. “I wanted to do something nice, not just for them, but for the officers, too. And maybe I wanted you to try some pastries too.”

Lukas rolls his eyes, but he lets out a fond smirk. “I told you, I _have_ eaten pastries, I just don’t like them because they’re too sweet for my liking.”

“Which is why,” Lila counters, her hand already reaching into the box of pastries to take one out, “I got some relatively plain ones. I hope you’re not allergic to chocolate.” She pulls out a chocolate croissant and hands it to him.

Lukas stares at it with repulsion. “I’m not… but chocolate _is_ sweet, Lila.”

“It’s bitter, which you like,” Lila argues.

“Is it dark chocolate?”

“I mean, it’s certainly brown, and I think brown is a dark color.”

“You have brown eyes, and your eyes are certainly anything but dark,” Lukas mutters. Lila blinks, feeling the heat rise up to her cheeks, while Lukas averts her gaze. He clears his throat, before silently taking the croissant off her hand. Lila blinks several more times, and when she realizes that he’s begun to eat the croissant, making faces after each bite, she grins cheekily.

“How is it?”

“Maybe it’ll taste better after my morning coffee,” he says honestly with a pained face, and Lila nods.

“I have to agree, pastries are best served with a good mug of coffee. The bitter washes out the sweet well, and the sweet makes the bitterness bearable.”

Lukas glances at her as he chews, and her heart nearly melts from the adorable sight. After he’s finished chewing, he says, “You’re way too nice to people who interfere with others’ lives way too much. You know they did it for their own entertainment, right?”

Lila cocks her head. “I think you’re way too pessimistic on your views on them,” Lila does not hesitate in saying. “Or maybe they were just less honest to you than they were to me. They were so genuine, so passionate, it reminded me of… like they were teenagers, for some reason. Of lost youth. They’re really good for each other.” She suddenly pauses, and turns to him. “What if, in exchange for what they did for us, we set them up together?”

Lukas is the one to blink at her now. “Lila, they’re already dating.”

“Oh, they are?” Her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, that’s lovely, then!” They continue walking, but Lila’s grin falls into a confused expression as she thinks more about what Lauren and Kieran have said to her. “They are?”

Lukas nods slowly. “Did they not tell you that?”

Lila shakes her head, unsure. “Lauren even said that she wouldn’t mind if there’s anything going on with me and Kieran, and Kieran seems very shy in the thought of actually pursuing Lauren as a lover.”

“ _Shy?_ ” Lukas exclaims incredulously, his face all but betraying his disbelief. Lila looks at him for an explanation, but he contemplates in silence, trying to figure out whatever anomaly it is he’s facing.

“Did they actually tell you they were dating?” Lila asks curiously, wondering how she doesn’t know it to begin with. 

Lukas furrows his brows. “They were trying to hide it, but it was pretty obvious,” he tells her. “I think they’re trying to hide it because they’ve been dating even since before Kieran started working in the precinct; they said they’ve been dating for a while. But…” he shakes his head. “Nevermind, I’m probably just being the skeptic I always am. Don’t worry about it.”

“Sometimes it is nice to be wary,” Lila assures him. “It means you’re prepared for whatever danger that might be present, yeah?”

Lukas looks at her solemnly, offering her a smile. “You really are too sweet for this world.”

Lila blushes again, and she tucks her hair behind her ear. “And you deserved to hear that, really.”

They walk side by side towards the precinct, Lila with a bag of pastries in hand, and Lukas—with a million thoughts running through his head, that he will perhaps one day share with her. But for now, they shall take their relationship step by step, and she is perfectly content with that.

**∴**

**“STRANGE, ISN’T IT?”**

_BANG!_ Lukas Randall fires another shot, this time at the mouth of the target board ahead of him. With a heavy groan, he turns to look at the source of inconvenience of the day. “Why the _fuck_ can’t you idiots just leave me alone?”

“Oh come on. You can’t just pretend like everything’s fine and dandy,” the intruder argues, walking to the lane next to his, before pulling out her own gun. _BANG!_ “You noticed it too, didn’t you? I doubt what’s been distracting you from work is your thoughts of sweet, lovely Lila, not when you look constipated thinking about it all day.”

Lukas rolls his eyes as he aims for the head, imagining that it belongs to the very intruder. “And maybe you should find better things to do, rather than pay attention to what others are doing,” he remarks, before he fires. 

Kym Ladell fires another shot in retaliation, hitting the exact spot he did on her own board. Lukas is not too surprised, coming from the expert marksman of the precinct, but it astounds him nonetheless. “Very bold coming from the same person who perks his eyes and ears whenever the archivist enters the room. People would think you have an obsession with _him_ , if anything,” she retorts.

Lukas lowers his gun and turns to face her. “I’ll admit, something’s off. Lauren, especially... But I couldn’t care less,” he tells the Sergeant. “They’ve helped me, even if they were being annoying in it—the least I can do is leave them alone.”

“Or maybe you just don’t want to admit that you’re really curious,” Kym scoffs, firing once more, before pocketing her gun. “Am I wrong?”

“No, maybe I’m _trying_ not to doubt everyone I know, _Sarge_ ,” Lukas retorts, narrowing his eyes. “I’m trying not to barge into their personal lives, for a change.”

Kym blinks. “Man, maybe love really _does_ change you. I would’ve thought you’d want payback instead, for them having invaded so much of your personal space.”

Lukas snorts in response. “I don’t like them all that much, but they have a point—what they did was more beneficial for me in the end anyway.”

“Which is why it unnerves you, doesn’t it?” Kym questions. “You don’t understand why they’d do something for you and not for themselves. You say you don’t care, but you’re here, way after work has ended, even when you’re usually always first to leave the precinct. You want to know if there _is_ something they gained from the bet that you don’t know, that might be used to your disadvantage.”

Sometimes he forgets that the Sergeant can be really sharp when she wants to be. “You’re putting thoughts in my head.”

“Am I? I think I’m pulling them out of your head,” Kym counters, tilting her head sideways. 

They maintain the electric eye contact for a while, before Lukas lets out a resigned sigh, his signature glare still on his shadowed face. “Fine. I’m curious. Nothing makes sense to me. But I’m not going to be involved in whatever scheme you have just to expose the truth.”

Kym breaks into a grin. “Oh, come on. It’s not like I’m _against_ you,” she reasons. “You and I, we’re the most devious people in the precinct, we can get to the bottom of _anything_. Through legal means, of course.”

“With you, there’s no guarantee of that,” Lukas mutters.

Kym rolls her eyes. “ _Please_ , I’m still an officer of the law. So, you’re helping me on this, right?”

Lukas ponders on it for a while, before dismissing it with a shake of his head. “Why don’t you just ask your boyfriend to help you or something? He’s an intelligent man, and he’d be more than willing to assist you with whatever you desire.”

Kym shakes her head, resolute. “First, he’s not even my boyfriend yet. And second, he’s got a bunch of stuff to do. I’m not adding unnecessary burden on him.”

“Sarge, _I_ have a job, _you_ have even _more_ of a responsibility as the Sergeant, what the fuck are you saying?” 

Kym waves her hand in the air dismissively. “I mean, he’s a Lieutenant, and he has some personal business to deal with, okay? So shut up and leave him alone. Besides, I like him, so I’ll spare him from my disastrous schemes with pleasure.”

Lukas groans. “You’re really not giving me a choice, are you?”

“Nope,” she says, popping the ‘p’ to annoy him even more. “You’re in, or you’re still in—I’ll find a way to drag you in, anyway. Though I suspect you’ll succumb before I even have to pull extreme measures.”

He glares at the Sergeant for a good while, clenching his teeth in frustration, before letting a huge exhale. “Fuck it,” he mutters. “What do you plan to do?”

A grin slowly spreads across Kym Ladell’s face, one as wide as it is devious. “What do you think?” she retorts. “Of course we do to them what they did to us.”

**∴**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see lauki this is why you don’t meddle with people’s lives okay
> 
> next chapter is a particularly long one, and half of it is crack. i have no idea what happened but it happened and you guys shall suffer as a consequence, sorry (not sorry)
> 
> thank you so much for still reading this thing that slowly makes less and less sense ❤️ kudos and comments would be a better valentine’s than any man 😌✨


	6. ex falso quodlibet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now kym ladell and lukas randall may not be equipped with any particular talent to discern falsity from truth.
> 
> ...they’re lucky they’ve got partners now, because who else is going to back up their wild, unsupported claims regarding lauren sinclair and kieran white’s daily (or nightly) shenanigans?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **principle of explosion** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_explosion)
>> 
>> _ex falso quodlibet_ — from falsehood, anything  
> any statement can be proven from a contradiction  
>  _(p ∧ ¬p) → q_
> 
>   
> i’m a nerd, so i find this really interesting
> 
>   * say “elle is crazy” and its negation, “elle is NOT crazy” are both true
>   * “elle is crazy OR elle is pregnant” should be true because “elle is crazy” is true
>   * but “elle is NOT crazy” is true, so if “elle is crazy OR elle is pregnant” is true, “elle is pregnant” must be true
> 

> 
> disclaimer: elle is NOT pregnant. she has absolutely no idea why her period is running five weeks late (wait am i— wait—)
> 
> this principle exists to note the dangers of presenting a set of propositions that are contradictory  
> it’s really my favorite logical principle to ever exist in the universe 😌✨ 
> 
> warning: chapter contains crack that i just have no idea how to explain at all, and i’m so sorry

**∴**

Premise: Kieran White and Lauren Sinclair are dating. 

**LIFE GOES ON** in the precinct, a week after the whole betting fiasco. Lukas Randall and Lila Desroses have now fallen into a comfortable daily life routine: Lila waits for him in the bakery on Lukas’s way to work and they head to work together, they don’t speak much in the office but Lila gives him his morning coffee when she sees him focused on his paperwork (and he gives her a smile once in a while because she tells him that she likes his smile, but he won’t ever admit that to anyone else _ever_ ), and Lukas drops Lila by her home before heading to his own. 

The Lieutenant and the Sergeant are still two of the biggest idiots in the precinct, bickering whenever they’re given the chance. Lukas must admit, though, that they’ve become much more productive than they were during that period of tension they had when they weren’t talking. Now, it seems like Kym has been able to gauge William’s moods better, so she arranges her daily ‘annoying the precinct’ schedule accordingly. (Unfortunately for Lukas, because of this, he is now the victim of her daily ruckus much more frequently. If it isn’t for Lila watching it all and supplying his daily dose of soothing laughter, he probably would’ve just decked Kym then and there, each time she comes over to his desk to pull off another stunt of hers.)

Interestingly, Lauren Sinclair is as she ever was, being the workaholic she is, not minding her friends’ antics and being hyper focused on the papers on her desk. On one hand, it makes sense, because even though she is the reason behind the major changes in the precinct, she hasn’t exactly changed as a result of the bets, and so it makes sense for her to not have changed. However…

“It feels like the Lauren we saw last week was just a figment of our imagination,” Kym muses, leaning on the side of his desk. “Do you think she could be… possessed?”

“That would explain why she was acting like a demon,” Lukas grumbles under his breath, and Kym lets out a snort.

“Look at her,” Kym says, clicking her tongue. “We’re literally here, very obviously talking about her, and she doesn’t even budge. It’s understandable if she’s _always_ like this, but—”

“Last week she was literally going out and about like she doesn’t care about her work,” Lukas completes her thought. “You don’t usually attribute that to mood swings, do you?”

“Kieran would know,” Kym remarks offhandedly, scoffing, and two seconds later, her face lights up. “Kieran _should_ know.”

“Do girls just tell their boyfriends when their periods are?” Lukas looks at her in confusion.

Kym rolls her eyes. “Good boyfriends _notice_ when their girlfriends are having their period, Lukas. Try to keep that in mind. Regardless of whether Lauren told Kieran or not, at least he’d know if she’s gone through changes in mood in a monthly cycle. We know they’ve spent at least two months knowing each other, so he should have witnessed her go through two cycles, yeah?”

“How do you plan on asking him without raising suspicion in him of our intentions?” Lukas asks. “He catches onto bluffs way too quick for our good. Suddenly asking him about her _period_ , of all things, wouldn’t just go ignored.”

“You can—”

“Don’t even _think_ about it,” Lukas warns.

“Fine,” Kym huffs. “He wouldn’t believe it coming from _you_ , anyway.” Then, after pondering on it, she says, “I mean, I’m a pretty random person, I can ask. He’ll probably brush it off as one of my weird habits.”

“But you would know better of the way she acts on her period,” Lukas counters. “You’ve been friends with her for more than a year now, it doesn’t make sense for _you_ to be asking someone who’s known her for less time.”

“I don’t think Will knows when her period is, and I’m pretty sure they’ve been friends for— _Will_!”

“What?” he asks, mildly irritated that he’s been disrupted from his work again, but his face shows no trace of malice. 

Instead of replying to him, Kym turns to look at Lukas with a grin. “Will should do it. He can do it without raising suspicion by making it look like he’s stressed about dealing with _my_ mood swings, and it helps too that he’s a brilliant liar—”

“I’m glad to know you have so little trust in me,” William mutters, but Lukas still hears it. Kym does too, apparently, because she responds through a snicker, and Lukas wonders again how Lauren, who they’re literally talking about unobstructed, hasn’t caught a single thing.

“I have my full trust in your lying abilities,” Kym counters, smirking at him. 

He rolls his eyes in response. “You only ‘trust’ me when you need me for your schemes. Take me out of it.”

“Oh, come on,” Kym whines, “you haven’t even _heard_ the plan—”

“I _have_ been listening, Ladell; it’s practically impossible not to, when you’re literally not even trying to be discreet,” he retorts. 

“Then how the fuck is the woman of the topic of discussion herself _not_ reacting?” Lukas mutters under his breath. 

Lila speaks up from her desk, “Maybe she’s too focused in catching up what she shoved away last week.”

“It’s been _a week_ , and it’s not like she hasn’t been working while she does all that convincing shenanigan,” Kym argues. Then she turns to William. “Which is why we need your help. She’s going to kill herself if we don’t intervene, and we don’t want that to happen, because she’s our child.”

“You have a child?” Lauren perks up, eyes resembling those of a lost puppy. Lukas wants to laugh so bad from the irony of the situation.

“ _Now_ she listens,” Kym throws her hands exasperatedly. “It’s you, Lauren. You’re our child.”

Lukas thought she’ll glare or roll her eyes like she usually does, but she only blinks. “And what about me? What did I do?”

“Oh my god,” Lila breathes out disbelievingly, and Lukas cannot hold back his laughter. He starts guffawing loudly, clutching his chest, and William stares at him wide eyed.

“Officer Randall, please—please don’t do that. Your laugh is _terrifying_.”

“I don’t usually like to agree with our Lieutenant, but I must agree this time,” Kym mumbles, but Lukas is still laughing. That is, until Kym suddenly lays a hand on his head, like someone trying to pet a grizzly bear (or, well, a really grumpy cat that bites), and he stops almost immediately.

“Don’t touch me,” he hisses, and Kym pulls her hand back in an instant.

“See, that was effective.”

Lauren quips from behind, “Why’re you laugh—”

“Hush, Lauren,” Kym hurries, treating her like a literal child, before Lukas breaks into another fit of sinister laughter over Lauren’s pure idiocy. “Just go back to your work.”

“Am I not allowed to have any fun now?” she mutters, but does as ordered, obediently burying her head in the papers ahead of her, and Kym and William stare at each other with much amusement directed towards their so-called “child”. 

Kym then walks up to the Lieutenant’s desk, leaning closer to him from across the table. “You see why we have to do this?” she whispers harshly, still audible that Lukas himself can hear it. “This… this is very concerning behavior.”

“To be fair, she’s kind of like this since _before_ the whole… betting incident,” William reasons.

The Sergeant shakes her head adamantly, blue locks flying around. “I know, I know. Which makes it all the weirder, doesn’t it?” she points out. “How did she suddenly break character for a good week, and suddenly revert to her old behavior like nothing ever happened?”

The key to their answers comes in the form of a particular archivist, who enters the office at that very moment, a pile of files in hand. All heads turn to him spare for one officer too immersed in her work. He gives everyone a polite smile, ducking at each officer in lieu of a greeting.

“Morning, Kieran,” Lila greets chirpily, the way she always does. Meanwhile, a cacophony of groans rise from some other officers upon seeing the additional papers they have to work on. 

Kym, as always, is one of them, abhorring the sight of paperwork. “More work? Are you _kidding_ me?” she groans. “I haven’t even finished my pile—”

“Because you keep doing _other_ things you’re not supposed to be doing,” William says frustratedly. “Try actually finishing it early, for a change, and you’ll find that your pile doesn’t keep increasing. And good morning to you, Mr. White.”

“Good morning, sir,” Kieran replies with courtesy, behaving nothing like the puppy who pestered the hell out of Lukas. Lukas narrows his eyes at the archivist for a good while, but if Kieran notices anything, he doesn’t budge, not giving Lukas a reaction.

What Kieran _does_ do, though, is give Lauren a brief glance, before walking past her to the other officers’ desks, picking up their pile of completed paperwork. 

Kym materializes in front of Lukas’ desk in no time, and Lukas nearly spits out his coffee. “Are they really going to pretend like they don’t know each other now?” she comments, very much in disbelief. “When they’ve literally exposed themselves as the world’s most married unmarried couple?”

“That’s a great way to put it, I’ll give you that,” Lukas mutters. 

Kym flips her hair. “Of course, buddy. It’s about time you acknowledged how amazing I am.”

“It’s about time you do your fucking work,” he retorts.

From his desk, William nods in agreement. “Listen to him, Ladell. You two can work on whatever you’re planning _after_ you’ve finished your paperwork, I don’t even care.”

Kym immediately glances at Kieran, but he seems to be focused on his job, not minding their conversation. She looks back at William and proposes, “Only if you agree to do as I say.”

William glances at Lauren, then at Kieran, before looking back at Kym. His face twitches as he argues with himself on whether to go along with their plans or not, probably internally weighing the pros and cons of doing so. 

He doesn’t give her an immediate answer, because then, Kieran is at Lauren’s desk, picking up her completed pile of paperwork. Lukas, Kym, and William watch as Kieran does his job wordlessly, sparing one brief glance at her (which she ignores), hesitating to speak to her, before leaving her desk. Kym’s gaze follows Kieran, but Lukas maintains his on Lauren—and he’s glad he does, because immediately after Kieran leaves, he catches Lauren’s eyes flitting in his direction, watching him with an expression of worry. Lukas doesn’t miss the way her hands clench around her pen a little tighter.

The moment Kieran leaves the room, Kym swings her head to Lukas’s direction. “Did you see that?” she asks in a hurried whisper, leaning closer to him, causing him to recoil backward.

He hums in agreement anyway. “I wasn’t looking at White, but Sinclair’s definitely tense around him. There’s something she’s hiding.”

“He, too,” Kym mutters. “I’d totally pin it on them having some argument recently, but…” she tilts her head in thought. “I’ve seen Lauren be tense when he’s around multiple times _before_ as well.”

Lukas doesn’t doubt that; he never would’ve thought Lauren and Kieran had a thing before he overheard their conversation that one day, and made his off-handed comment. He didn’t even _expect_ them to reveal that they were _actually_ dating. “That might explain the eagerness of their bets, actually,” he notes. “Maybe they were really trying to win over the other… because they’re both too prideful? Gods, I have no idea how relationships work.”

“Lila looks like she would,” Kym counters. “Maybe you should talk to Lila about it—especially since she’s a little more acquainted to Kieran than any of us are, other than Lauren herself. And I,” she turns her head slowly to her target, the very own Lieutenant of the precinct, already staring back at the two of them in deep contemplation— “will deal with _that_ man.”

_That_ man stands up from his desk, carrying in his hands a bunch of papers to do. He drops it on Kym’s desk, eliciting a loud hiss from the Sergeant, before walking over to the two of them.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do my work,” Kym immediately mutters with an annoyed pout, pushing herself off Lukas’s desk. Lukas isn’t sure if it’s his new power as her kinda-boyfriend, or just as a Lieutenant in general, but he scowls at the sight. (Maybe because he’s reminded too much of how badly he is under the influence of Lila, but that will not be brought up anytime soon.) 

William lets out an amused scoff, before pulling her back by the arm. Kym turns to look at him with a surprised look, and Lukas nearly gags at the romanticness of it all.

“What are you planning to do, exactly?” William asks, his voice low enough that it can only be heard by the two of them. “What are you trying to prove?”

Kym glances at Lauren, before looking back at him. “Just the truth; what’s going on, why they’re acting the way they are, and hopefully, so that she can go back to the smiley version of a Lauren that we saw last week, because honestly, that was _glorious_.”

William looks at Lukas with a suspicious face, and Lukas shrugs. “All of that, minus smiley Lauren. I don’t give a shit about that.”

“I wanna see smiley Lauren,” Lila’s head pops from behind the Lieutenant, and Lukas blinks, not noticing she’s walked up to them as well. In her hand is a coffee mug, which she places on his desk wordlessly, giving him a small smile.

“Yes, Lukas, your dear _Lila_ here wants to see smiley Lauren, so you shall bring forth smiley Lauren,” Kym parrots, and Lukas is two seconds away from pulling out his gun, if it isn’t for Lila’s chuckle that sends his brain into a slight malfunction. How on earth does she manage to sound so ethereal? He will never understand, he supposes.

William brings up a hand to his forehead, pressing on his temples. “What do you need me to do?” he asks at last, resigned.

“Awww, you’re willing to help us?” Kym chirps excitedly, clapping her hands. Then she turns to look at Lukas. “See, we’ve done step one of our plan.”

“Since _when_ did we even have a step one—”

“Since I realized we need some more brain cells to help us on our mission,” she retorts. To William, she says: “Okay. What we need to do first is to try to extort as much truths from them as possible. Then we see which of these truths don’t match their behavior, or are inconsistent with one another.”

“Pulling a Lauren and Kieran on Lauren and Kieran,” William concludes, and Kym nods.

“Practically.”

“You know,” Lauren suddenly speaks up, and the four heads whip to her direction, “you can’t expect me _not_ to notice, when you mention Kieran’s name and my name ten times in a row.”

Before either Kym or Lukas can make a smartass retort, William intervenes: “We’re just planning something for you guys, you know, after last week.”

Kym blinks several times, before turning to him. “Oi, you literally just spoiled the surprise.”

“You guys had already spoiled the surprise since the start of the day,” William argues. 

Her mouth hangs open. “No, we haven’t,” she says defiantly. “Otherwise Lauren would’ve already said something about it. Right, Lau—” 

Lauren is staring at them with a blank expression, her face devoid of color aside from the stark contrast of her eyebags with the rest of the face. 

“Okay, yeah, no, that’s it,” Kym says resolutely, slamming a hand on Lukas’s desk, before grabbing a notepad. “Our first step is sending you to the infirmary. You need at least a week’s worth of rest, for fuck’s sake.”

“You know, for once, I agree with you,” William mutters under his breath.

“And I’m pretty fucking sure you guys have agreed over _many_ things in the span of a single day,” Lukas comments. “Just admit that you two are more alike than you think you are.”

“That’s a horrifying idea,” William winces, the same time Kym says, “I’m _offended_ by that statement, Lukas.”

“Proving my point.”

It brings up a light laughter from Lila. “You guys are _adorable_ , like little kids.”

Lukas looks at her with incredulity. “You don’t mean _me_ , do you?”

“Oh, no, you big baby. You especially.”

He gives her a dumbfounded look, and Kym and William break into boisterous laughter. All the while, Lauren sits there, lost, not understanding a single thing as she is suddenly ushered outside of the office to the infirmary, and into a whirlwind of a plan, concocted none other than the mischievous Kym Ladell and merciless Lukas Randall.

Proposition: Kieran White’s and Lauren Sinclair’s statements about their relationship must be the same.

**∴**

Premise: Kieran White’s and Lauren Sinclair’s statements about their relationship must be the same.

**THE BEAUTY OF** Kym Ladell’s personality is always such that, whenever she sees an opening for a potential gain in whatever she does, she takes it. It is how she achieved the Sergeant position at such a young age, it is how she ends up confessing her feelings to the William Hawkes at such a short time after realizing she likes him, and it is also how she ends up jumping through a window and landing in the archives, on the way back from their daily patrol.

Thank the gods that Kieran White is the only archivist to be in the archives at the time; then again, the other archivist is also already well aware of Kym’s tendency to do just the most insane of things. She’s not Kym Ladell if she doesn’t make an extravagant entrance anywhere, and this clearly counts for one of those moments. She is, after all, about to display one of the most spectacular uses of her quick wits and deduction skills. (She hopes so, at least.)

Kieran White, who definitely hasn’t been expecting a blue-haired woman to just pop out of the window, stands rooted to the ground with wide eyes. “S–Sergeant?”

“Oh, Kieran, it’s you!” Kym exclaims, running a hand through her hair to tidy herself up, barely standing straight. “Again, please, call me Kym. How have you been?”

“Uh, I’ve been brilliant,” he replies, still unsure of what he just saw. “Are you—are you supposed to be here?”

“Absolutely not,” Kym flashes him a grin. “But eh, we’re done with patrol, and I’m sure Willame won’t mind.”

Kieran eyes her warily. As she expects of him; no rational person would look at her and not be weirded out by her antics. “If you don’t mind me asking: why are you here?”

“Oh, you know, just collecting some information for… a particular case,” she replies, waving a hand in the air. She wonders briefly if Kieran also has some lie detecting superpower the way Lauren does, which sounds highly probable, given how he’s so good at getting the others to confess the truth. Better to keep to as little lies as possible, anyway. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be around…”

“I can help you if you need anything,” Kieran tells her. 

Kym whirls around to face him, shaking her hands. “No, no, you absolutely do not have to do anything,” she reassures rapidly. “You’ve helped me enough, you know, with my life. Thank you for that, by the way. I just realized I haven’t thanked you for that yet.”

Kieran lets out a nervous smile. “I heard you were the one to confess first anyway?”

Kym scoffs with pride. “Not much of a surprise, that, because I’m clearly the better person in the relationship,” she jokes. “But Will told me you did convince him to give us a try, so you deserve the credit nonetheless.”

“It had to be done,” he shrugs. “But that doesn’t have anything to do with my job, and what you came here to do, so allow me to help you, Sarge.”

“ _Kym_ , I insist,” she says, at the same time wondering—why is Kieran being so… distant? She’s pretty sure she saw him being comfortable with the Lieutenant last week… and she’s always been the more outgoing person between her and Will, so Kieran’s behavior is simply off. Then again—similarly to Lauren, Kieran had always been a particularly reserved person to begin with. “But also, don’t worry about my… thing; I’ll get to it when I get to it. I’m more curious about how you managed to win Lauren’s heart in the first place.”

Kieran blinks, like he can’t quite believe what she’s saying, before he leans against the shelves. “What’s there to be curious about?”

Kym takes the question as a sign to go ahead with the plan he doesn’t know anything about, and she grins at him widely as she seats herself on a chair. Having considered that what she says might be taken into account, altering what he claims, she decides instead to share as less information as she has of Lauren: “Not that it’s weird or anything; she’s just my best friend, you know, and I’m quite curious about how she actually… meets people.”

Kieran gives her a blank stare for a few seconds, before breaking into a small knowing smirk. “You don’t have to hide it, I know you _do_ find it weird that she’s suddenly dating someone. She isn’t the type to have any interest in romance at all, is she?”

“You say that like you’re making an assumption,” Kym accuses. “Are you aware of Lauren’s history with romance at all?”

“I know she pushes away people easily,” Kieran tells her. “It took me a while to actually be in her good graces, which is also why I was really nervous when I confessed to her, because I wondered whether she’d push me away if I told her that I was interested in her romantically.”

“But she’d already liked you back anyway.”

Kieran nods. “She did.”

“What did you guys… do?” Kym asks, unsatisfied. “How is it that she’s allowed herself to fall for you, when she usually rejects every single one of her dates?”

Kieran ponders on the question for a while, leaning his head back. “Hm… I think she appreciates my honesty and genuinity.”

Kym raises her eyebrows, and Kieran takes it as a sign to go on. “You know of her ability, I presume?” Kym nods. “Yeah, because of that, she gets infuriated easily when she hears a lie. Maybe she doesn’t immediately get turned off by me, because I’m much more honest than any of her dates. I think that may be why… she trusts me a little more, because I’m quite transparent with her.”

Kym nods. That does sound a bit like Lauren. Her disastrous dates usually stem from dishonesty, which Lauren just cannot stand. “And how did _you_ fall for her in such a short amount of time?” Kym asks in turn. “I’m sure she isn’t the easiest person to like, especially when she’s quite cold in the exterior. Gods, I’ve been telling her time and again to try not to glare at everyone she sees, but—”

Kieran shakes his head, cutting her off. “She may be a hard woman to pursue, but she’s not a hard woman to _like_.”

“Oh?”

“I really like that side of her,” he says, “that values honesty, integrity. When I first saw her I was struck by, well, her pensive eyes—but more than that, it’s the zeal for upholding the city’s protection, for sticking by her duty, that passion in her. When I saw that I just…” A small smile grows on his lips, and he ducks his head. “She just… strikes so beautifully like that, and before I knew it I needed to know _more_ of her.” He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Kym’s heart melts at the confession, and for a while she forgets why she’s in the archives, interrogating him to begin with, because it seems so clear that Kieran likes Lauren genuinely. If only the facts aligned—then maybe she wouldn’t be having such a hard time understanding the truth of their relationship. “Awww,” she coos, “so you confessed, and she confessed, and you guys started dating?”

“After a few dates, yeah,” Kieran says, nodding. 

“I’m… curious, honestly, how your relationship works,” Kym suddenly says. “I mean, because I’m new to this thing and all. Like, you said you guys meet up at nights, but what do you guys _do_?”

Kieran shrugs. “I mean, we haven’t actually known each other for long, so most of the time we just… talk about our daily lives, bond over similarities and differences, those kinds of things? We’re quite a simple couple; we really just enjoy talking.”

Now _that_ doesn’t make a single sense. Lauren is anything _but_ simple. She’s a woman looking for resolution to a tragedy that happened an entire decade ago; the words ‘normal’ and ‘Lauren’ just don’t go along. “A simple couple, huh,” Kym muses.

“We set our coworkers up for amusement,” Kieran points out, “we find joy in the simple things in life.” 

“How did _that_ happen, anyway?” Kym asks. “How did you convince _her_ , of all people, to take a break from her superfixation?”

“A strong, valid argument? Or maybe by picking on her competitive side through the bet,” Kieran shrugs. “I know that she may not always be like this, that most of the time, she may come off as a serious person, which she is. But I think that’s the thing about our relationship—that we find comfort in each other, that we don’t do anything _wild_ , because her life is already wild enough to go by.”

“And yours?” Kym presses. “Do you live a wild life, too?”

“How wild can an archivist’s life be?” Kieran chuckles, but Kym notices he’s purposely throwing a question to not have to answer hers.

She ignores it for now. Instead, she says, “I bet you two definitely do wild stuff in bed, don’t you? Be completely honest.”

Kieran starts coughing, to the point Kym is worried he’ll cough out his entire lung. “We—we don’t. I _swear_ to the gods above that we have never… done the deed.”

“Ahh, so you’re definitely saving it for after marriage, then,” Kym ponders. “A much more… special experience, after all, is it not?”

“Ma—” Kieran breaks into another coughing fit, and Kym is genuinely concerned, even if she rarely ever is. “Yes, marriage. After marriage.”

Kym laughs at his befuddlement and after her laughter dies down, she says, “Okay, one last question—”

“Have you been interrogating me?” Kieran asks, but the expression on his face is simply of mild amusement.

Kym smiles sheepishly. “Can you blame me? Lauren barely tells me anything, and I’m also slowly trying out a relationship of my own.”

Kieran laughs. “Valid. Hit me with it.”

“Is Lauren alright?”

The archivist tries not to let it show, but Kym notices the way the look in his eyes flicker so slightly. Whether he’s simply not expecting the question, or that the nature of the question itself is the one to catch him off guard, she doesn’t know.

After a second too long, he replies, “She’ll be fine.”

_Even_ that _is not a direct answer_ , Kym thinks. For now though, she supposes she’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. “Well I’ll hold onto you for that,” she remarks, and the happy-go-lucky grin is back on her face. She stands up, tidying her outfit and preparing to leave the archivist to the haphazard shelves of files. “As you said, you’re each other’s comfort, so you should be providing that comfort to her, alright? If anything happens to her, know that Will and I are on your back.”

“No doubt on that,” Kieran chuckles, before pushing himself off the shelves and walking with the Sergeant to the door. “I hope you and the Lieutenant are enjoying this new development of a relationship,” he says, before opening the door for her.

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Kym reassures as she steps through the door. “We definitely are. Hope you have a good day, Kieran!”

“And yourself, Sarge.”

The door shuts behind her, and immediately she rushes back to the office, willing herself to memorize every single fact Kieran White stated in their conversation, and hopefully not be berated by the occasionally terrifying William Hawkes.

**∴**

**“DO YOU MIND** if I steal Lauren for today?” 

Kieran White, who has just been locking up the archives, looks at him with mild surprise, before nodding. “Oh, absolutely. You don’t even have to ask my permission for that, sir.”

“Well, I found you first anyway,” William shrugs, a small smile playing on his lips. “And I do have some things to ask you before I go get Lauren anyway.”

“Hm?” Kieran quips.

Will glances at him nervously, wondering whether he should _really_ be asking the question or not. It wasn’t even supposed to be _him_ ; Lukas could’ve been doing it, if not for his terrible ability in socializing in a civil manner. Gods, if it isn’t for Kym… he sighs. She _really_ is a menace he can’t get rid of, is she? “I was wondering… how exactly do you deal with Lauren’s mood swings?”

Kieran does not bother hiding the skeptic look on his face. “Lauren’s… mood swings?”

Will clears his throat, already regretting his decision. “I mean… I’m assuming whatever this weird behavior Lauren is in is due to her mood swings. How do you deal with something like that? I’m asking because, well, Kym.”

Gods, that is perhaps the world’s most shit excuse in the history of shit excuses, and Will nearly winces visibly upon saying it. He hopes it’s not obvious how much he has to force himself to say the words. Kieran White, after all, is incredibly perceptive.

Kieran blinks a few times. “Well, I’d assume mood swings are different for different people,” he says, a look of mild confusion etched across his face. “And people deal with different people differently as well. Honestly, it’d probably be much more efficient to ask her how she wants to be treated when on her mood swings.”

Will’s mouth croaks open and close, looking for another excuse. “Uh, well,” he waves his hand in the air, “generally, I mean. Like, how do you generally deal with, uh, a moody Lauren?”

Kieran’s eyeball darts to the ceiling as his face scrunches up in thought. “Usually I find it effective to just… give her some space. But I know some women would rather be pampered when they’re moody. Lauren’s… well, quite the private person, so she’s better left alone when moody.”

“Does that apply for when she’s particularly struggling with something? Or when you guys are having a conflict?” Will asks outright, but thankfully Kieran doesn’t seem to find it suspicious.

He nods slowly. “I’d ask whether she’s okay, and if she wants to talk about it she’ll talk, but otherwise I’ll wait for her to open up with me. In the case of conflict… we usually talk it out. She’s a reasonable person, and she appreciates honesty, so if there’s a problem we just discuss it. We rarely have arguments aside from our occasional bickers.”

Will nods in understanding, before patting Kieran on the shoulder twice. “Thank you for the advice, Kieran, I’ll keep it in mind. I hope you have a good day.”

“You too, sir,” he says with a polite smile, and Will doesn’t miss the way his head tilts slightly in confusion as he turns around to leave. Will grits his teeth cringing, hoping he didn’t make himself too obvious or accidentally creeped the hell out the archivist.

_Kym Ladell, I swear to the gods…_ he presses on the sides of his head again. He loves the hell out of the little ball of chaos, but she will truly be the death of him, prematurely.

He heads to the next agenda Kym has set him up to: walking Lauren home, and interrogating her on the way. He thinks it’s a bit harsh to be interrogating her while she’s not in the best condition, but Kym’s defense was that Lauren isn’t going to get better until they do this. Will wants to argue, but perhaps he sees a verity in her logic, so he decides to go with it. It’s been a while since he’s actually talked to Lauren, anyway.

He’s not even the least surprised when he comes in to see that Lauren isn’t even sleeping, she’s _thinking_ . She always seems to be; his greatest curiosity is _what_ it is that she’s thinking about so hard to the point of neglecting her own health.

“Hey, Lauren,” Will calls softly.

She sits up immediately. “Will! Why are you here?” she asks in confusion.

Will lets out a soft smirk. “You know, for a police officer, you’re not being very vigilant. Are you alright?”

She chuckles weakly, dragging herself out of the bed. “Damn, is it already time to get off work? I totally lost track of time. I’m alright, by the way. Thank you for the concern.”

“Are you _really_ alright?” Will presses, not willing to let the lie slide so easily. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong exactly, but maybe you can tell us how we can help you.”

Lauren shakes her head adamantly, as they head out of the infirmary. “I’m really fine. You know me; I tend to get all too immersed in my work. Anyway—where’s Kym? Aren’t you going home with her?”

William shakes his head. “She’ll be going home later, she said. She’s also the one who sent me to take you home, so here I am.” Kym is, in fact, discussing with Lukas and Lila about the information she obtained from her conversation with Kieran earlier, but of course he doesn’t tell Lauren that. “I’ve also told Kieran that I’ll be stealing you for today.”

Lauren makes an incredulous face. “You don’t have to talk to _him_ about it,” she tells him. “We don’t walk home together, you know.”

“Oh?” 

“We live quite far from each other,” Lauren shrugs. “And we’re fine on our own.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Will agrees, though he assumed so because he thought they would try to spend as much time as possible with each other. So that’s what he asks next: “When do you guys meet up with each other?”

“Uh, at night.” 

“Does your uncle know? About you two dating?”

Lauren shakes her head. “And it’s best to keep it that way,” she says. 

“I don’t think Tristan is going to be mad at you over dating a good man,” Will notes curiously. “Why can’t you tell him?”

“Because I—” Lauren sighs, pushing back her bangs. “He’s gonna nitpick on it too much. He knows I’ve been out on dates, but as of now, we’re trying to take the relationship slow.”

Will nods slowly, humming. “Understandable. What do you guys do on dates, though?”

She shrugs, heaving out an exhale. “Y’know, couple things… sometimes I just laze around in his house while he cooks some food—”

“Wow, Lauren eating?” William muses as he pulls open the door leading out of the precinct building. “Never thought I’d live to hear it happen.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, smiling. “He feeds me well. He… does a lot of things for me, actually,” she claims as she walks out the door, Will following suit. He arches an eyebrow, urging her to go on. “He might be very articulate in his arguments, but he’s not actually the most verbal when it comes to his feelings. He expresses his emotions through other means, like, well, taking care of me in various ways.”

“Do you guys argue a lot? Like, seriously argue?”

Lauren glances at him. “You’re awfully curious,” she notes.

“I’m… just trying to make this relationship thing work,” he reasons lamely. Lauren immediately understands, and gives him a sympathetic smile, suspicion clear from her face. _Well, at least it worked_ , he thinks.

“We’ve argued a few times, but it gets solved eventually,” Lauren shrugs. “He usually comes around first.”

“Why, because the women must always be right?” Will asks, a hint of a smirk on his lips.

Lauren chuckles lightly. “No, because my ego is too high to apologize to him.”

“How long did you have him chase you for?”

She ponders on it for a while, humming. “A few weeks; he didn’t actually officially ask me out until very recently, but perhaps it was smart of him, since if he’d asked me out any earlier I probably would’ve cleanly rejected him.”

Will’s eyebrows shot upwards. _Now_ that’s _interesting_ , he thinks to himself. 

“Why do you like him?”

Lauren stops walking, turning to him with a suspicious frown. “Now I’m pretty sure you don’t need to know _that_ for your relationship with Kym,” she points out.

Will shakes his head. “No, this one I’m asking because I’m curious. Can’t a friend know of these things?”

Lauren scrunches her face in thought. “I suppose you can,” she says after a while, the corners of her lips turning up. They resume walking. “He’s… very caring and attentive, I guess. There’s just something about him that makes me feel… safe. Not to mention, bickering with him is… a bit fun, I must admit, even though it increases my blood pressure tremendously,” Lauren admits with a pained expression.

They both fall into laughter, walking under the sky blending into night. “I definitely feel that,” Will agrees. “Sometimes I just want to duct tape Kym’s mouth permanently—”

“But why do that when you can just kiss her senseless?” Lauren wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, eliciting a scoff from Will. 

“Is that how you solve every of your arguments?” he accuses. “He doesn’t actually have to apologize to you, does he? He just kisses you senseless, and that’s why you like arguing with him.”

Lauren laughs nervously. “Of course not,” she says, and Will can’t actually tell whether she’s being honest or not. (For that matter, he can’t tell whether she’s being honest in _anything_ she’s been saying, but for now, his aim is to collect as many statements as he can from her, without questioning it.) “Actually, for that matter, we’ve never kissed.”

“Really?” Will turns to look at her. “That’s interesting.”

“Why so?”

Will shrugs. “I don’t know, you two just look like you can’t keep away from each other.”

Lauren makes a confused expression, but she shakes it away. “We’re not that crazy as you guys make us out to be, you know.”

“Yes, you guys just make bets on people’s relationships and somehow go all out in convincing us into confessing,” he retorts, and Lauren chuckles. 

“We just thought it’d be nice to do that, you know,” she reasons, “in light of all the stress we’re undergoing recently.”

“How did you get to the idea, anyway? I didn’t expect you to ever do such a thing,” Will asks curiously.

Lauren’s smile fades a little at the question, for some reason, and Will cannot help but be concerned over the slight change. He keeps it to himself, though. “Kieran suggested getting you two together,” she admits, “and I found that it was a good idea, so I suggested a bet while we’re at it.”

Will decides not to pry further, realizing that it’s as good as it’s going to get. He nods, and says genuinely, “Thank you for that, whatever your reason is.”

“No worries,” Lauren flashes a smile at him, eyes crinkling. “I’m really glad with how things turned out.”

Will wants to point out how she hasn’t been looking elated at all lately, instead looking all too stressed, but he knows that there’s only so much she’ll confide in him. His hope for his friend is that she’d at least confide in her boyfriend—but with what he’s seeing? He’s not even sure if she ever will.

The rest of the trip to the Sinclairs’ estate is silent. They bid their goodbyes when they arrive, and Will waits for Lauren to safely enter the house, before letting his compassionate expression drop. It is soon replaced with that of contemplation, and he turns to head to his apartment where Kym, Lukas, and Lila await him, thinking with all his might a good explanation for everything he’s noticed from two brief conversations.

Proposition: Kieran White’s statements contradict that of Lauren Sinclair’s statements.

**∴**

Premise: Lauren Sinclair went to Kieran White’s house last night and spent the night together.

Premise: Kieran White is a bottom. 

Premise: Kieran White and Lauren Sinclair are getting married next month. 

Premise: Lauren Sinclair is pregnant.

**WITH THE WAY** Kym Ladell is seated quietly on her desk, doing her paperwork without a single complaint, one will definitely assume that the day is finally going to be a peaceful day (or maybe that the world is ending, but really, is it that hard to believe she can be a dutiful Sergeant?). 

This is the first thing Lauren Sinclair does when she enters the office, looking more well-rested than the days before: “Wow, Kym arriving earlier than me _and_ actually doing paperwork? Am I still dreaming?”

Of course, though, Lauren Sinclair is often too wrong. She doesn't know yet what Kym has in store for her, and Kym contemplates on whether to prolong it, or to shoot it at her from the start of the day. 

Kym Ladell takes a sip of her coffee mug calmly, and Lauren is yet to notice her odd behavior, heading towards her desk without another comment. Kym lets out a satisfied sigh after downing the coffee, before turning to Lukas. 

“Is it just me, or is my dear friend Lauren unusually bright today?”

Lukas tries his best not to show her his usual signs of annoyance—instead, he replicates her actions, sipping his own coffee before saying, “I see what you mean, Sarge. The eyebags under her eyes are actually gone for once.”

“Man, what could have happened overnight to immediately rid her of her lethargy, I wonder?” Kym thinks aloud, talking like one does in a monologue. She sees the Lieutenant willing himself to remain impassive—she doesn’t know if he wants to shut her up or he’s dying inside because he finds it hilarious, and even though she hopes it’s the latter, it’s more probably the former. _Ah, Willame. He’ll never understand what it is to be cultured._

Lauren stops walking right in front of her desk, turning to look at Kym. “You know, I’m right here,” Lauren deadpans, looking at her unamused. Kym doesn’t spare her a look.

Lukas says with the world’s most monotone voice ever, “You know, a good night’s sleep is said to cure lethargy. Maybe that’s how.”

“But Lauren never sleeps!” Kym wails preposterously. “How is it that _the_ Lauren Sinclair, who _never_ sleeps, is finally able to _sleep_?”

“I do sleep, you know,” Lauren says a bit louder, and Kym can hear the mild confusion and irritation in her voice. “And once again, I’m like, right here. Why are you guys talking like you’re in a play or something?”

Kym decides to humor her, turning to look at her with an innocent face. “Oh Lauren! We were just talking about you.”

Lauren gives her a blank stare. “I know, Kym. I’m here, listening to every word you say.”

Lukas lets out a dramatic gasp—except, coming from him, it sounds way too lazy and lifeless, and Kym can hear even Will try to hold in a laugh. “Lauren is actually _listening_ to us?” Lukas drawls. Kym bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing out loud. “Lauren never does that. How good must this sleep have been?”

“You know, Willame has also been having trouble sleeping,” Kym notes enthusiastically, turning to the Lieutenant. “Will, what do you do when you can't sleep?”

Lauren speaks up, “Will, you’re not _seriously_ going to play along with—” 

“I… ring you up,” he says defeatedly, and a grin spreads through Kym’s face, proud that he’s actually doing as she wants him to. “You… help me sleep a little better.”

“Wait, did you guys actually _sleep_ together—” Lukas breaks character, looking at the two in wide eyes and _actual_ curiosity.

Lauren, funnily, is the one to answer him: “No, they’re lying. Okay—why are you even lying in the first place?”

“How do you know if we’re lying? You wouldn’t know that unless you stalked us,” Kym argues. Now she knows damn well that Lauren can tell the lie because of her abilities, but none of the other officers know about it, so she can use it to her own advantage as Lauren tries frustratingly to prevent herself from yelling at Kym and making a demented fool of herself by trying to explain having a supernatural ability. “Now, now. See, Will is able to sleep when he… sleeps with me. So we can possibly assume that Lauren is finally able to get a good night’s sleep because she finally slept with Kieran last night.”

Lauren’s face is purely ridiculous, and Kym wants to laugh so bad, but she has to remain patient. “That’s not even a valid argument, Kym. You’re assuming that the only solution to insomnia is sex. Gods, is this what you meant when you said you were planning something for us?”

“Wait, see?” Kym holds up a hand to her. “I didn’t even mention sex. Why is sex the thing that comes to your mind when I say sleeping together, if not because it’s the very thing you were doing last night?”

“Because sleeping together implies sex, it’s called connotations— why the fuck am I even arguing with you over this?” Lauren throws her hands in exasperation. “You won’t ever listen to rational sense.”

Kym’s look shifts to that of astonishment, her jaw hung open. “Oh, no, no, Lauren,” she says slowly. “If we’re talking about rational sense, this argument is going to get _long_. Oh, wait, we were going to talk about that at one point anyway.”

“Why the fuck did I agree to this?” Lukas mutters under his breath, and Kym merely smirks. 

“Okay, back to my point,” Kym says, clapping her hands before standing up and getting out of her desk. “If you won’t agree with the claim that you slept with him last night, I’ll prove it first. Just now, you asked whether this is what we’re planning for you. See, you wouldn’t have known that unless Kieran told you about it, and if I recall correctly, yesterday you and Kieran went home separately. It means that you and Kieran must have met after that, which means that you met him last night. Right?”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “You _told_ me that you were planning something for us, before you so kindly banished me to the infirmary. Gets your facts straight, at least.”

“Oh, I assumed you were too out of it to even register anything we said,” Kym admits. “Okay, then maybe—”

“Sarge, let’s just jump to our main argument,” Lukas groans. “Don’t try to argue with the detective, especially when she’s in a better condition today.”

“What do you guys even have to argue?” Lauren asks, irked. “Why are you trying to prove something that doesn’t exist?”

“Now doesn’t _that_ sound familiar?” Lukas comments, and this time Kym doesn’t hold back her snicker.

“Of course we’re trying to prove _something_ , Lauren,” Kym argues, before clearing her throat. “First, I wasn’t completely sure about this, but after seeing you this morning, I think I can safely assume that you slept with Kieran last night. Like, why else are you so unnaturally… awake today?”

“I did _not_ sleep with Kieran last night,” Lauren counters, massaging her temples. “I have _one_ good night’s sleep, and you’re acting like it’s the end of the world.”

“We’ll take rebuttals after we give our arguments,” Kym announces, and Lauren groans.

“Is it even a ‘we’, or is it just you dragging everyone else?”

“It’s her dragging everyone else,” Lukas and Will echo simultaneously, and Kym turns to Lukas with a glare. 

“Bitch, you _literally_ planned this shit with me.”

“You came to me with the offer—”

“Which _you_ accepted, you drama-loving hypocrite, so it’s _our_ plan; not to mention, _you_ came up with half our claims, so help me out over here,” Kym fires back at him. They hold a staring contest for half a minute, before Lukas relents, turning to look at Lauren.

“We debated on whether Kieran would be a top or a bottom—” Lauren begins choking on her own spit, but Lukas clearly can’t care less, and Kym considers giving him a medal for his aloofness. “—but upon consideration of _you_ as a completely dominating person, we came to the conclusion that he’d totally be the bottom.”

“I—”

“Nuh-uh, no rebuttals,” Kym wags a finger, and Lauren shuts her mouth grumpily. “Good girl.”

“Furthermore, because you guys act like wild rabid animals, we suspected that you guys would probably have forgotten to use protection—”

“What the _fuck_?”

“—and will probably end up having a shotgun marriage by the end of next month. And you’re probably pregnant,” Lukas ends cleanly. The office is so silent they can probably hear a pin drop, and Lauren is left dumbfounded, blinking between Kym and Lukas.

“Did I come at the wrong time?” a voice suddenly speaks from the door, and it is none other than the man of the talk, Kieran White himself.

Lauren whips her head at him and her face twitches, probably between relief and more pain. “Oi—help me argue my case against their ridiculous rumors of us,” she calls, beckoning him with her hand.

Kieran walks towards her hesitantly, stopping next to her. “What rumors?”

“Apparently you’re a bottom,” Lauren puts bluntly, and Kieran chokes up. “And that I’m pregnant and we’re getting married next month, because we had sex last night.”

Kieran turns to Kym— _Of course_ , she thinks proudly. She _is_ the mastermind of the plan, after all. “You know, I suspected you were up to something when you appeared in the archives saying you needed something and leaving with nothing,” he accuses, and Kym just then realizes about that mistake she made. “But _how_ you came to this conclusion, I cannot even begin to fathom.”

“Oh, we’re getting there,” Lukas says, causing Kieran’s brow to arch higher.

Kym offers him a grin. “You’re not wrong. I _did_ approach you with the intention of interrogating you, and I found out some… very interesting things.” She doesn’t miss the way Lauren tenses at her words. “The thing you said that struck out the most was when you said, you guys are a simple couple.”

Lauren slowly turns to look at Kieran, with an expression that Kym is assuming to be _are you fucking kidding me_ , while he simply stands there, neither acknowledging nor denying anything.

Kym goes on then, “Several of my accusations you circumvented, which means I can’t exactly quote you on them. But there are some facts you did state, such as: you guys mostly spend time talking, you like her because of her zeal for justice, you were nervous when you confessed to her, you convinced her to agree to the bet by ‘picking on her competitive side’.”

“And… I talked to both of you yesterday,” William speaks up, and Lauren and Kieran’s head whip to him. Kieran’s face falls into immediate recognition, while Lauren’s eyes widen in realization. 

“And here I thought you were genuinely worried about me,” Lauren mutters. 

Will blinks a couple of times. “I… I do worry, don’t get me wrong. It’s the reason I agreed to her plan, anyway.”

“Okay, what is the reason behind what you’re doing anyway?” Lauren asks, still not getting the point. “I don’t see how this is supposed to help us or our relationship in any way.”

“See: we found it weird that _you_ , of all people, suddenly pulled what you did on us,” Kym tells her. 

Lukas nods. “If it was Kym, it would make some sense. But even though you might not be as humorless as the Lieutenant, you _definitely_ have better things to do than set up relationships that are bound to happen anyway.”

Lauren opens her mouth, but quickly stops herself. Kym raises an eyebrow in question, but she keeps silent. 

Kym decides to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. “It seemed to be linked to Kieran, who, first, is your partner in crime, so it only makes sense. But also, in the grand scheme of things, Kieran is the only recent change that could have caused you to change in any way. So we decided to research, what is it about your relationship that could’ve made you so… different?”

“Except that wasn’t what we found,” Lukas counters. “Instead we found that your relationship makes no sense to begin with.”

“I’ve talked to Kieran a few times now,” Will states, turning to look at Kieran. “From when you tried to convince me to confess, and yesterday, before I went to pick up Lauren. You said that the way you and Lauren ended up dating was because she fought for the two of you, wasn’t it?”

“You said _what_ now?” Lauren mutters under her breath, and Kieran steps on her toes to shut her up. Kym nearly bursts out laughing. She holds herself in, because she still needs to lay her facts; she did _not_ collect them for nothing. 

Lukas counters, “You told me that you simply confessed to Lauren, that you weren’t so bothered whether she liked you back or not.”

“Even though Lauren told us that you were so emotional when you confessed to her,” Kym says. 

Kieran’s mouth hangs open and close, before he reasons, “It was a joke, the one I said to Lukas. It _was_ emotional when I confessed to Lauren, and she _was_ overjoyed when I did. But it’s true that we didn’t start dating until recently, because even though we liked each other, it’s not—it’s not that simple.” He turns to William as he says this, assuming the Lieutenant will understand, for some reason.

Kym goes on, “I asked you whether you started dating after you confessed to each other, and you said—”

“After a few dates,” Kieran cites accurately, and Kym is mildly surprised by his memory. (Then again, it’s been a day, not a week, so she supposes it still holds.) 

Lukas is not done, however. “You said you’ve been dating for a while, which is why you don’t walk each other home anymore. I _could_ mention how Lauren added that she ‘wouldn’t ever walk you home to begin with’, or you slipped up and said ‘you aren’t even dating’ before you changed it to past tense—”

Kym and Will turn their heads to him in shock. “They literally _said_ that, and you didn’t think to mention it to us?” Kym shrieks, and Lukas shrugs.

Lila, from her desk, laughs, and her sweet voice is so much in contrast to the mildly tense mood of the room, it sends Kym reeling. “He acts like he hates all the drama, but goes and steals the spotlight for himself.”

“Yeah, you piece of shit, how _dare_ you,” Kym scowls, and Lukas gives her that creepy smirk of his. She rolls her eyes, before turning back to the two suspects, who look at them in… half-terror, half-deadpan. “Anyways: do you have an explanation for his claim?”

“We _have_ been dating for a while,” Kieran reasons. “Nearly a month. At least three weeks. That’s a long time.” Lauren nods eagerly, and Kym finds it so amusing, because she rarely ever agrees with anyone so easily; even if she _actually_ agrees on a shared idea, she usually just keeps it calm and confident. Lauren seems too obviously _desperate_ at the moment, and Kym feels bad—but the couple really does owe them all an explanation.

“Why did you not tell Lila about it?” Lukas asks almost immediately.

“Because it was supposed to be a secret,” Lauren says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Then why did you say you wouldn’t mind if I had something going on with him?” It is Lila who speaks, and they can see Lauren and Kieran visibly malfunction; after all, if _Lila_ is the one questioning them, how are they supposed to _lie_? How do you lie to her adorable, huge puppy brown eyes?

Lauren stammers, “To–to keep up the facade.”

Will speaks up: “Lauren, I asked last night how long he chased you for.” Kym can see Kieran visibly palen, and Lauren—well, she’s already very pale to begin with, but now her face is nearly translucent. “You said he asked you out very recently. He said you were the one to fight for him.”

“I convinced him that we should keep meeting up, but he was the one who asked me out when he was ready,” Lauren is the one to argue this time. Kym is not surprised by her quick retort—after all, Lauren Sinclair is known for winning arguments involving reasoning, which is how she makes such an effective detective to begin with. 

She nods, accepting it, because technically the reasoning is still valid—after all, they’ve collected _a bunch_ of evidence, and they knew arguing with the two, who managed to get two couples to confess their feelings to each other in less than a week, will not be an easy feat. “Alright, that explains how you started dating. Now we also asked questions on _how_ you guys are dating.”

Lauren shuts her eyes tightly in resignation, while Kieran purses his lips. Kym is genuinely interested to see when they’ll break in frustration, or whether they’ll actually be perfectly able to explain every inconsistent fact they’ve been finding. 

“Lauren, you said that you spend your dates by simply enjoying each other’s presence, that he expresses his emotions by actions instead of words,” William points out.

“Uh, yes,” Lauren confirms.

Kym counters, “Kieran says that you guys mostly talk instead of doing anything much, because you’re already in a lot of action in your work.”

“I mean, the actions he does for me are of course not the actions I do in work,” Lauren reasons. “I hang in his apartment, we talk a lot, he does a bunch of stuff for me, that kind of stuff. You’d understand once you start dating.”

Kym has nothing to say to that, because it’s true that the only couple dating at the moment is Lauren and Kieran. She sighs, running a hand through her hair. 

Lukas takes over, noticing Kym’s exhaustion: “There were some weird statements you two made about the bet.”

“Wow, you guys are really going to quote each and everything we say just to prove your point, aren’t you?” Kieran muses silently.

“It’s payback, bitch,” Lukas mutters, earning a muffled laugh from Lila, Kieran, and Kym herself. “Anyway, you told Kym that you were the one who suggested the bet, so that Lauren would agree to your wild idea. Lauren told William that she was the one to suggest the bet.”

“Bruh, do you have short term memory loss or something?” Lauren turns to Kieran in frustration. “I was _clearly_ the one who suggested the bet, you credit-stealing piece of shit.”

“A very adorable term of endearment to call your boyfriend,” Lukas snorts. Lauren glares at him, but he doesn’t budge.

“Okay, yeah, I forgot,” Kieran mumbles, but Lauren looks at him too incredulously, and that’s how Kym is sure that he’s lying. He _definitely_ remembers, but he lied on purpose.

She keeps it to herself for now, because explaining how she knows Kieran is lying will take another hour in itself.

Lukas speaks again, “You said the prize for winning the bet was anything you wanted.”

“It _is_ a pretty compelling prize,” Lauren reasons. 

“You can ask anything you want from him, he’s your _boyfriend_ ,” Kym counters, “and so can Kieran ask you. Why do you go all out on a bet with a prize that’s barely a valuable prize?”

“I told Lukas,” Kieran recounts, “we’re already immune to each other; puppy eyes and pleading just doesn’t work anymore with us.”

“Does that make sense for two people who have only been dating for less than a month?” Lukas asks, raising a brow. “If you’ve been dating for a few years, I’d totally understand. You’ve been dating for _three weeks_ , have only known each other for as long as _two months_.”

“...vigorous love?” Lauren offers weakly. Kieran turns his head to her in a so done expression, and it takes Kym all her might not to burst out laughing then and there.

“Vigorous love would explain a lot of the things you said,” Kym agrees. “Except, we’ve insinuated and even outright asked you about your physical activities, and apparently you haven’t even so much as _kissed_.”

“Why do you equate vigorous to physical?” Kieran asks her back. He argues, “Romances can be purely non-sexual. We bonded easily because we have similar likes and dislikes, similar experiences, a very strong emotional attachment. It doesn’t have to be sexual.”

“Why the fuck do they have an explanation for everything?” Lukas mutters, but amusement laces his voice, rather than frustration. Kym turns her head to him briefly.

“Dang, I thought you’d be a little more pissed than that.”

“We were looking for an explanation,” he shrugs. “They gave us a pretty understandable explanation. Way more than the one we concluded, anyway.”

“Speaking of which,” Kieran notes, and the heads turn back to him. “How exactly _did_ you come up with a completely unrelated set of claims out of these statements?”

Kym and Lukas’s heads immediately swivel to Will’s, and he lets out a resigned sigh. “We thought what you said didn’t make much sense because they were contradicting one another. Contradictory statements can be used to prove any possible theory, no matter how ridiculous, true, under the principle of explosion.”

Lauren stands agape, her mouth hung open. “Are you seriously—pulling _laws_ right now?”

“We are people of the law,” Kym throws casually, earning eye rolls from her two best friends. “Anyway, that was a valid argument.”

Kieran shakes his head. “The statements you considered _contradictory_ aren’t the contradictions meant under the law, which means two completely opposite statements in the same sense,” he states, giving Will a pointed look. “As we’ve proven, the different statements from Lauren and I can be true at the same time, because we may have chosen to describe slightly different aspects of the same question.”

“Hence, your argument is invalid, and none of your claims can be proven true,” Lauren concludes. The office falls back into a silent state, while they let the information process in their minds.

Kym is not surprised that Will is the first to speak up, having perhaps the most brain cells in the group: “That… was a valid point.”

“I still don’t get it,” Lila speaks up. “Not the whole law part, but… how can two people have so different statements about a single relationship? Even if they aren’t contradictory in that sense, it still doesn’t make sense that your descriptions are so different, like you’re living out two different relationships.” Lukas nods eagerly, and Kym is so tempted to tease him for being an absolute sucker for Lila, but for now they have more serious issues at hand to address.

Lauren replies to her, “Subjectivity. Kieran and I are similar, yet different in many ways, so it’s understandable that we see things differently. I like the things he does for me. Maybe he likes our conversations. That’s why we mentioned the different aspects of our dates like so.”

“Nothing makes sense,” Kym leans against her desk, wailing.

“What do you mean, ‘nothing makes sense’?” Lauren asks incredulously. “We’ve literally been appealing to your rational sense for like, nearly half an hour now!”

Lukas mutters from his desk, “Sarge, I think you should let this one go. They _did_ come up with an explanation for every weird thing we encountered.”

Kym shakes her head, resolved and unwilling. “No, no we haven’t.”

“What else is there to argue?” Will asks weakly; even _he_ is tired of thinking of logical explanations to the unsettling feelings _she_ feels. Kym understands, and yet— she sighs. There is one more argument she can pull, except she does not quite want to do it in front of the crowd, because the last one is personal to Lauren, the one she’s been holding back for a while.

So when Lauren announces, “I need a break from this mess,” before heading out, Kym ponders no longer than a minute before deciding to follow her. 

Will is just as quick to respond, dragging her back by the wrist. “Drop it, Kym. We’ve lost our case, don’t bother her more than she needs to be. You forget she isn’t in her best condition these days.”

“She isn’t in her best condition because the conflict is yet to be addressed,” Kym retaliates, yanking her hand off his grasp. “I’ll talk to her, and I’ll do it seriously.” She doesn’t give Will another chance to argue before she heads out of the office, rushing up to Lauren, who is heading downstairs. 

“Lauren!” she calls out, and Lauren whips her head to see Kym, face clearly in distress. “Wait.”

“Kym—do you have anything left to prove, or are you just unwilling to admit that you’re wrong?”

“It’s you,” she declares, loud and clear. “ _You’re_ the contradiction. That’s what it is since the beginning, that’s why _nothing_ makes sense.”

Lauren’s gaze falters, before she forces herself to ask, “How am I the contradiction, Kym?”

Kym walks down the stairs, closer to Lauren so she doesn’t make herself be heard to bypassers. “You remember when I went to your house, entering through the window?”

“You do that literally _every time_ ,” Lauren rolls her eyes, chuckling lightly.

Kym joins her in laughter. “Okay, yeah, I do. The last time, I mean.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow. “What about it?”

“I know you spend your days trying to uncover the truth behind that tragedy,” Kym states, her laughter dying down, replaced by a solemn face. “I know the reason why you reject every one of your dates is because you’re too hung up on the past to care about anything else.”

“Contradiction: I’m dating Kieran, and I care about him,” Lauren objects.

Kym shakes her head slowly. “Appeal to ignorance: assuming a fact is true because it hasn’t been proven false.”

Lauren blinks, not having anything to say to that.

“At least answer this: why did you decide to offer the bet?”

Lauren exhales nervously, tucking a lock behind her ear. “I bet with Lukas often, you know. It’s not anything I haven’t done.”

“You’re the type of person who watches and makes bets, not _interferes_. That’s _my_ job. Why did you decide to go with his plan?” Kym questions, still. “Did you really think it was a good idea?”

“I did,” Lauren says, seemingly honest. “I did.”

“Did you really want to do it?”

“What, are you thinking he somehow coerced me into it?”

“Kieran lied when he said he offered the bet, on purpose,” Kym notes, raising an eyebrow, waiting for her to confirm. Lauren nods hesitantly, and Kym nods in approval. “Why did you think he did that?”

“I… have no idea,” Lauren admits, struggling internally to say anything. Her face twitches as she tries to ignore whatever it is she’s feeling.

“Because it would be uncharacteristic of you to be the one up for the idea, Lauren,” Kym tells her, and Lauren freezes. “All of his statements—all of them, truth or lie, were in consideration of _your_ normal personality, so that it’s easier for us to believe, but as we know, some are too obviously lies. The question is, why _did_ he have to lie? Why would either of you have had to lie?”

The confused frown on Lauren’s face is so pitiful, and Kym feels slightly bad for drilling her this way, but she can’t ignore the truth any longer, not when it’s so obvious from the very start.

Contradictions cannot exist. Either one or the other has to be a lie, and there’s no reason to lie if it is as they assumed, that is Kieran and Lauren are truly dating. And if the contradictions occur anyway—it means the premise itself is never true to begin with.

Lauren lets out a restrained sigh. 

“You’re right. We’re not dating.”

Kym nods empathetically, knowing it mustn’t have been easy for her to admit it. “Yeah,” she breathes out. After a while, she asks softly, “So why?”

Lauren gives a tragic look to Kym, before she forces herself to turn around, walking down the stairs. Kym follows closely behind, keeping a good distance from her as she musters up the courage to tell the truth:

“You already know why, though,” Lauren says, breathing out shakily. At the bottom of the stairs, Lauren turns her head to look at Kym, a pained smile torn on her face. “We’re Lune.”

Of course, Lauren Sinclair is always right: Kym Ladell has known all along. But she also knows that Lauren is, first and foremost, her best friend.

So she accompanies the troubled woman as she heads toward the department gym with hunched shoulders, not letting the girl go through her lifelong misery alone much more than she already has.

Conclusion: Kieran White and Lauren Sinclair are not dating. [confirmed]

**∴**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you probably should’ve seen this coming 🤪
> 
> once again, i honestly did not know how this chaos came about to be, probably was drinking coffee or something ANYWAYS
> 
> yes this is a particularly uh rowdy chapter, also the climax of the story, there are still some arguments in the next two chapters but thanks for making it this far! also, thank you for 1k+ hits and 150+ kudos, i'm glad you all are enjoying this crack-induced math fic 🤩🤩 
> 
> uh, since this is a particularly long chapter, next update will be like five days from now instead of three (not like my updates have been consistent anyway—) in the meantime, uh, feel free to ask me literally anything? (i'm just bored, tbh 🤪)
> 
> thank you so much for reading!!! kudos and comments are very much appreciated ❤️❤️ (peace, if you're reading this, you'd know i do remember most comments—because they do mean a lot to me :"D)
> 
> (again, disclaimer: elle is, in fact, NOT pregnant; she got her period some time ago 🤩🤸🏻)


	7. quod erat demonstrandum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lauren sinclair and kieran white make amends to resolve contradictions. 
> 
> (it’s about damn time, idiots.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > [ **q.e.d.** ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q.E.D.)
>> 
>> _quod erat demonstrandum_ — what was to be shown  
> the proof or argument is complete  
> ∎
> 
> because this is technically the ending of the fic, and the next chapter is more like an epilogue ;) enjoy!

**∴**

Proposition: Lauren Sinclair dislikes Kieran White.

Proposition: Lauren Sinclair likes Kieran White.

**LAUREN SINCLAIR DOES** not quite know _why_ she feels the way she does, with the urge to punch all her feelings out onto the measly punching bag. At the rate she’s pummeling it down, she thinks the punching bag might break apart before her, and yet she keeps going.

She notices that Kym is still seated quietly on the ring behind her, waiting for her to be the one to explain first, or maybe just so she would calm down enough. She throws a heavy fist at the punching bag before turning around to face her best friend, looking at her with the utmost worry.

“What is it?” Lauren asks, defeated, even though she’s been the only one fighting. “What more do you want to know?”

Kym opens her mouth to speak, perhaps an apology or something too empathetic to be true, but she closes it. Then, after reconsidering her words, she says, “I’m not here for an explanation.”

She’s not lying, that’s a start. “Then?”

“You’re struggling, Lauren, and you don’t even know what you’re conflicted by,” Kym points out with a frown.

Lauren looks down at her bandaged hands, stretching her fingers so she can feel them. “Of course the obvious conflict here is that now you know we’re Lune, and now our identities are in crisis. What else is left to discuss?”

Kym lets out a sigh. “You know, if I wanted to do something about that, I would have done something about that. I’ve known for a while, anyway. You weren’t being so discreet about it.”

Lauren looks at her with a weary gaze. “Then why didn’t you?”

“Lauren, you’re... I can’t lose you,” Kym admits.

Lauren gulps, before walking over to her side, taking a seat. “Certainly I’d be much safer in the hands of the APD than in the Scythe,” she remarks. “Might as well hand me in.”

“I don’t want to lose you as a _friend_.”

Lauren looks at her, blinking. Kym has her eyes trained ahead of her and an expression way too solemn for Kym, and yet Lauren, being her best friend, has seen this side of Kym and has always felt too much love for her. She looks at Kym and realizes that she does not want to lose her, too.

“I won’t blame you if you turn us in, you know,” Lauren says honestly. 

Kym scoffs. “With the way you two seem to be worming your way out of everything, I don’t doubt that you can even get out of the APD’s grasp. Whatever I do will be useless,” she argues. “And contrary to what I might’ve been ordered to do, I don’t very much mind what you’re doing, you know.”

Lauren drops her head. “What we did _killed_ people,” she utters silently. 

“You were only trying to do what’s right by your own means, and technically it was the PS that killed them,” Kym reasons. Lauren’s eyes flutter close in willful ignorance and under the growing headache—of the fact that it was none other than Kieran White himself who had them killed by his sword, her very own partner in crime. “I won’t try to convince you to come clean to the APD,” Kym promises, just to be clear. 

After a while, Lauren breathes, “Thank you.” Her mind is yet far from calm.

“And you’re still concerned,” Kym points this out, of course, the ever observant Sergeant. “What concerns you, then?”

“I don’t know,” Lauren admits. “You’re… you’re right. When you said that I was being weird, that it isn’t like me to do something like that. I know that. And yet, I felt like… I felt like I _needed_ to do it, somehow.”

Kym turns her head to glance at Lauren, and Lauren looks back at Kym. 

“You know why, don’t you?” Lauren asks quietly.

Kym shrugs with a small smile. “Always a hunch, never a fact. What happened when you offered the bet, really?”

“I was frustrated by the tension in the office, so Kieran suggested that we try to get you two together. I thought it was a good idea, but I was curious as to why _he_ wanted to do it. He said… well, he said he was tired of all the PS crap hounding us on our backs. Then I offered the bet.”

There seems to be some missing link between what Kieran said and what Lauren did, that she doesn’t quite pinpoint—but the look on Kym’s face tells her that _she_ has an idea of what it might be.

“You like Kieran, don’t you?”

Lauren gives Kym an incredulous look, scoffing, but her face quickly falls as she looks to the ground. She can feel the dryness of her mouth as she swallows the lump in her throat. “Of course not. How can I like him when—when he’s a criminal?”

“Do you really not?” Kym persists. 

Lauren sighs, standing up. “I don’t like him,” she says loud and clear, and she feels proud to have not heard the lie in her voice. And yet...

“But you want to, do you not?” Kym’s voice is soft, and yet in the wide open hall of the gym her voice resonates a little too loudly, or maybe because the truth she speaks is one that she’s been trying to avoid with no avail. “I— _we_ all have seen the way you look at each other, the way you’re just so… happy to be doing nothing with him, the way you talk with him, the way you act around him. Lovesick birds, really, the two of you. There’s literally _no way_ you don’t like each other, and I know if chance permits you would totally allow yourself to fall for him so wholeheartedly.”

She walks over to the punching bag again, before landing a punch with much force. She lets out a grunt, feeling the tension in her arm and the friction on her knuckles. “I don’t know.”

“You know, feelings are weird. _I_ certainly never expected myself to fall for _Will_ , of all people. It totally makes sense if you somehow have feelings for Kieran, even if he is a Phantom Scythe criminal.”

The problem here, clearly, is that he’s more than just a criminal. He’s an _assassin_ , but she can’t quite say that to Kym yet. She groans. “I’m not _supposed_ to like him. He’s supposed to be a professional partner.”

“That’s the thing, Lauren. You’re never supposed to feel a certain way to anyone. It’s just something that happens whether you want it or not.”

Lauren punches the punching bag again. “Then how do I make it stop?”

Kym chuckles. “You can’t, honey, as ideal as that may be.”

“So what am I supposed to do, watch myself have conflicting feelings for a criminal that goes completely against my morals and do nothing about it?” Lauren throws another punch. “Gods, I hate this. I want to both stab the living daylights out of him and just… I don’t know, laugh with him without a care in the world.”

“Which is why you agreed to his idea, didn’t you?” Kym asks, though Lauren’s sure she’s known since the beginning. 

“I guess I saw a bit of myself in him,” Lauren admits. “The way we’ve spent years on this mission to bring down the Scythe, the way we’ve had our childhood stolen and lived even the rest of our lives as their slaves… and when he said that he just wanted to see people smiling, I just—he looked _tired_ , and I thought we might as well… ignore everything for a good minute. Just… run away, you know?”

“And you did enjoy yourselves,” Kym says with a smile. “It’s the most relaxed I’ve ever seen you, and we’ve been friends for a while now.”

Lauren drops to the floor, lying down while facing the ceiling, and she sees from her periphery Kym walking up to her. “I loved it, just talking casually, nothing about work, nothing about the PS. Kieran, he—he _smiled_ , even when he lost—and I couldn’t even be mad that he wasn’t dejected by my victory, because he was so happy, _genuinely_ happy in a way I’ve never seen before. It was like youth, like we both just flew back to seventeen, a time we’ve never really lived. I loved it _so much_. And I didn’t lie when I said I love bickering with him. He’s… he’s a decent person, if you strip away all the PS part about him.”

Kym sits crossed-legged next to her. “That much is obvious. The way you two talk about each other and to each other gives away your feelings too much.”

“Really?”

Kym nods. “It’s clear that you two care for each other very deeply, at the least, and I think I see why. You guys are the only ones who quite understand each other, with your passion in defeating the Phantom Scythe, and whatever past you’ve faced. It’s no wonder you two are drawn into each other so easily like magnets.”

Lauren lets out a breathy laugh. “Maybe,” she admits. “If only it is that simple to just like him, without, you know, having to consider morality and everything.”

“Give him a chance anyway,” a voice spoke, but it’s much deeper than Kym’s. Lauren is surprised to see William, standing by the door with an earnest expression.

“Not gonna lie, I thought you’d be the last person to ever say that,” Kym blurts, and Lauren absolutely agrees with her sentiment. Will snickers in response.

“I know he’s… a Phantom Scythe member,” he says, walking over to the women. “Because you’re Lune.”

“That obvious, is it?” Lauren mumbles, and Will looks down at her, nodding, before taking a seat on the concrete ground himself. 

“I talked with him before I came here.”

“Do you still trust him, after everything we’ve done?” Lauren asks bluntly. “After all the lies? Do you even still trust _me_ , for that matter?”

Will lets out a restrained sigh, clearly having debated with himself internally long and hard on this. “There’s a reason why he was able to convince me to confess to Kym in the first place, and it holds true for whenever we talk.”

“If I recall correctly, _I’m_ the one to confess—” Kym speaks up.

“Shut up, Kym, the adults are talking,” Will interjects, and Kym falls back into a slouching posture. “When Kieran speaks, no matter lie or truth, he’s almost always genuine.”

Lauren lifts her head to give him an apprehensive look. “Genuine?”

Will nods. Then, after a moment, he reveals, “I know I shouldn’t be sympathetic for a criminal, the very one I’m supposed to be capturing. But there’s something he said… he said he doesn’t have much of a choice. I could tell he was being honest, because he didn’t have to say that at all, and yet he did. And now that I know he’s a criminal, it makes a bit more sense, what he says… and yet it helps me see him in a different light.”

Lauren’s eyelids flutter shut as she listens to him. She’s always suspected that Kieran wouldn’t have just walked into the Phantom Scythe’s hands at his own accord… Her fist clenches a little tighter over her abdomen. 

“I don’t know which of the statements he’s said are lies or truth, but from the fact alone that he wants to see us end up together, I think he actually values… our happiness, if not _yours_ , at the very least. I wonder what he’ll do if he’s actually given a chance to live as himself, you know, rather than as a pawn for the Phantom Scythe.”

Lauren feels the squeezing of her chest again, then she groans. “I hate this. You know, Will, maybe there’s a truth in that explosion theory you mentioned, because I sure do feel like a whole cataclysm of emotions at the moment.”

“Oh, don’t feed his ego,” Kym moans.

Will glares at her. “ _You’re_ the one who decided to use it as part of your flimsy argument.”

“And it _didn’t_ work, now, did it?” she retorts. “Besides, it wasn’t _flimsy_ , it’s just that Lauren and Kieran are too smart of a couple to be argued against. There’s a reason they outsmarted the APD, you know.”

“Don’t remind me, I can literally hear my father nagging on me about it for the next three months,” Will scowls, eliciting a scoff from Lauren.

“You might not even _have_ the next three months.”

Kym makes a pained face. “That bad?”

Lauren hums in agreement. Will, interestingly, is not as surprised as he is submerged in thought. “He did say something about that too, the other day. He told me to confess as soon as I can, because ‘you’ll never know when you’ll lose the ones you cherish’. He said he’s been there himself.”

That, indeed, they all seem to understand by heart. A heavy silence falls between them, and Lauren closes her eyes shut. She still doesn’t quite know what to do, but she does know that she doesn’t want to lose anymore people in her life. Kym, Will… she wonders if Kieran White is one of them, if she can ever bear losing Kieran. She wonders if Kieran has _anyone_ to care for him in all the years he’s been forced to be an assassin, someone he doesn’t want to be. She wonders how he must’ve felt when _he_ lost who he cared for, and if that’s how he ended up being the way he is today—just as desperate as she is, just as resolute in his pursuit of vengeance as she is.

She then sits up, looking at Will in pensiveness. “Are you… not going to do anything about us?” At this, Kym looks at him with concern. They both know that William has a strong sense of duty to uphold, that there is little he will let slide, no matter friend or foe.

So it surprises Lauren greatly when he shakes his head, looking at her sternly. “I know why you’re doing what you’re doing, and I know you only have good intentions.”

Lauren laughs humorlessly. “We got people _killed_.”

“I doubt you knew that when you decided to do what you did,” Kym says reassuringly, laying a hand on her shoulder. “You did what you could.”

“I cannot say I completely trust Kieran yet,” Will says honestly. “But… I do think the man deserves a chance. It would be hard for us to understand him, but I think… I think if anyone can understand him, it’d be you, Lauren.”

“I very much appreciate the confidence you place in me, but I think it’d take me a century to even get over him being a criminal, let alone understand him.”

Kym shakes her head. “You’re much more similar to him than you think, you know,” she remarks. “And I think you’ll come to see just how true that is.”

Lauren doesn’t deny it, because she sees what Kym means; she just doesn’t want to quite admit the truth.

“...Thank you guys,” she says hesitantly. “And I’m sorry, for lying to you this entire time.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Kym says, hugging her by the shoulder, and Lauren has never been more grateful for having such an understanding best friend. 

Will nods in acknowledgment. “Just… try not to die, Lauren. I hope that what you do will actually bring fruit to the city, and that you’ll at last find your resolution to… what happened.”

Lauren smiles at him, and her heart feels like it’s about to burst for the amount of adoration and care she has for her friends. “It really means a lot to me, what you’re doing, Will. Thank you for giving us a chance.”

“Group hug!” Kym exclaims, before dragging Will into their little embrace, enveloping the two tightly. Lauren and Will wrap their arms around each other, chuckles filling the gym with harmony. Under the warmth of her best friends who she considers family, her mind briefly flits to Kieran White, and wonders whether he’s ever had such company in his life, ever. Wonders whether he’s ever experienced such a love in his life, whether that’s why he was so earnest in the bet, whether his reason—that he wants to see people smiling—is much truer than she thinks.

_Give him a chance for once_ , the voice on the back of her head returns. (It seems to come out only when thoughts of Kieran White are concerned, but perhaps she only really needs it during those moments anyway.)

A new idea begins to brew in her mind, and she smiles to herself, ever so softly.

[confirmed]

**∴**

**“WILL, HOLD ON.”**

William turns around to face Kym, a questioning look on his face. “Hm?”

“Did you… really mean it?” she asks tentatively. “That you won’t turn them in?”

Kym knows that he’s being honest, that he genuinely wants to give Lauren and Lune a chance, because otherwise Lauren would know. But she still can’t quite believe it. He told her himself: that it doesn’t matter what he _wants_ , that it’s all about what others expect of him.

But it seems like his values have changed quite a bit, because he nods with certainty. “I won’t.”

“But—why?”

Will looks at her solemnly, before walking to her and gently stroking her head. “Because you’re right,” he says simply.

“Huh?” She has to look up due to the proximity, and this perhaps he finds a tad bit cute, because he chuckles at her before patting her head.

“I… I’ve been living a life that isn’t mine,” Will admits. “Living up to everyone’s expectations, doing whatever my father wants, whatever Hermann wants, whatever... “ he breaks off in a sigh. 

Kym lifts a palm and holds him by the jaw softly. “And what changed?”

“I mean, aside from _you_ , obviously…” Both fall into light chuckles, before it fades and Will regards her with a tiny smile. “I said earlier, there’s sincerity in Kieran’s words, when he spoke to me, and that’s the reason his convincing worked.”

“When he said he doesn’t have much of a choice?” Kym asks, and Will nods.

“I think the fact that he still tries to set us together, a selfless cause—or even simply to make Lauren happy, whatever it is—it’s not something that he would’ve been ordered to do. It’s something that he _wants_ to do. Even being part of Lune is something that he’s definitely not supposed to do, and I think it’s just… even a _criminal_ can break their chains to fight for something they do value, and not out of _responsibility_. He has a risk of being jailed or _killed_ if they’re ever discovered, and yet… he’s still here, working with Lauren, trying.”

“Is it what you want, though? You gain nothing from letting Lune off like that.”

Will sighs. “I mean, objectively speaking, it’s not like the APD is going to ever catch those criminals without the help of Lune. I can’t say what they’re doing is _right_ , of course, but I personally do think they’re not… _bad_ . They’re doing this for the greater good, doing the job we’re failing to do. And… Lauren _is_ still my best friend, and I care about her very much. I know how much she’s lost to the Phantom Scythe, so I understand why she went through such lengths to do them justice. I don’t want to lose her as a friend; she’s… one of the only _genuine_ people left in my life.”

“And your father?” Kym asks, her voice softens.

“Well, it’s not like I can do much about Lune anyway,” Will says after a pause. “They haven’t actually been active lately, which is why we haven’t been able to actually track them, if not for the fact that both of them are in the precinct and being terrible actors—but he doesn’t have to know that. So if my father hounds me about that, I can still pull that card, tell him there’s no progress on Lune because Lune is not making progress.”

“A bad boy, now, aren’t you?” A smirk grows on Kym’s face, and Will chuckles.

“Some things are just more important than what _my father_ wants. The world is ending, and I’d rather die fighting for something _I_ want for a change.”

Kym nods, acknowledging his sentiments. “I’m… really proud of you, you know,” she mutters, taking his hand in hers.

Will shakes his head, smiling at her. “It’s all thanks to _you_ , Kym. And maybe Kieran, but he’s still a PS member that we have to deal with. A spy within our walls…”

Kym plants a chaste kiss on his lips, and a pink hue floods his cheeks. “Let’s just hope he’s not spying on us when we’re having such heartfelt conversations, eh?”

“You mean, when you’re sneakily planting kisses on me?” Will teases with a scoff. “You can’t just peck me and call it a day.”

“Oh?” A grin spreads across her lips, one that he kisses away with a smile of his own. He angles his head to get better access into her mouth, and she doesn’t hide the small moans of pleasure from the back of her throat when he goes deeper into her, hand in her hair, another on her neck. 

Only when they hear the sound of a throat clearing did they force themselves to pull apart. Both their faces are bright red, and their uniforms a little too unhinged here and there. 

Detective March stands at the doorway, avoiding their gazes. “Lieutenant Hawkes, Sergeant Ladell, it’s nice to see you’ve been getting along,” he remarks awkwardly.

Kym jabs Will with her elbow, and he grunts aloud in pain, clutching his abdomen. Tidying her hair, she quickly blurts out, “Nice to see you too, Detective! Have a great day!” before running straight out of the gym. After she’s finally caught her breath, an unbelieving chuckle escapes her lips.

_What a wild day_ , she thinks to herself with a satisfactory smirk. Even though things certainly did not pan out the way she planned it, she can definitely conclude this day as a success.

**∴**

**EVEN THOUGH LILA** has announced that she will be going to get some coffee for the officers, Lukas himself included, he takes it as an opportunity to catch her alone in the break room, and only hopes that no one else is there to interrupt them.

His wish is granted (for once, fucking finally, gods), he realizes as he sees Lila alone, filling mugs of coffee with an idle look. Her face lights up when she sees him, and then _the_ smile appears. The Lila smile, the one that always manages to get his heart to skip a beat. “Lukas! What are you doing here? I was going to get some coffee for you anyway.”

Lukas cannot help the stupid smile that falls upon his lips. “I know. I came here so we could talk with a little more privacy… I hope.”

“Talk?” Lila’s brows shot up. “Well, that’s new.”

He looks at her incredulously. “I’ve never minded talking to _you_ , you know.”

“I thought you wouldn’t want to do that in the precinct, though?” Lila asks unsure.

Lukas shakes his head. “I don’t mind talking to you anywhere. Talking to you doesn’t give me a headache, unlike talking to those idiots,” he jerks his head to the direction of the office. Lila laughs at that, and he finds the voice much more refreshing than coffee will ever be. What a great melody to be listening to, after the entire back and forth argument in the office.

“You have to admit though, for a bunch of people you call ‘idiots’, they _did_ have some very smart points.”

“That’s what I came here to talk about, anyway,” Lukas says, procuring a mug and taking the coffee pot from Lila’s grasp to fill his own mug. “They may have outsmarted us through solid reasoning, but the truth is too obvious here.”

Lila hums. “I’m still of the opinion that there’s something weird about their relationship,” she agrees. “Like they have a relationship, but they’re not _in_ a relationship, if that makes sense?”

“A good way to put it,” Lukas shrugs, taking a sip of his steaming hot coffee without a flinch. After a while, he says, “They’re Lune, they definitely are.”

Lila’s eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets behind her circle frames, and Lukas finds the sight all too adorable. “L– _Lune_?” she says, keeping her voice as quiet as possible. “Are you sure?”

“Confident.”

“But—how?” Lila hesitantly asks, but he can see the way she shifts her gears of perception of Lauren and Kieran’s relationship to fit his theory. 

Lukas takes another sip of his coffee, savoring its bitter taste. “First, it’s too fucking obvious that they’re not dating. They flirt, but they’re too unaware of each others’ feelings to be real, and they cringe whenever the other says anything even slightly romantic.”

“Really? They give me the impression of a married couple,” Lila ponders aloud.

Lukas snorts. “They’re practically one, they just haven’t realized it yet. Not to mention the most obvious problem of their relationship—they don’t have any common experiences to be dating, as you pointed out earlier. When the Lieutenant and the Sergeant went to talk to them, they each said what they would probably like to do with each other, not what they’ve actually done.”

Lila nods, listening with patience. _Gods, the other shits could never_.

“I don’t think they were in very good terms to begin with. They’re often tense around each other, if they’re not ganging up on us. Both despise the idea of coming in contact with each other. They definitely had a fallout at some point in their relationship.”

“But it could be a simple coworker relationship, right?” Lila argues. “Why do you think they’re _Lune_?”

“Aside from the number of times Lauren was absent when we’re capturing Lune’s convicts,” Lukas remarks, “Kieran—I’ve been observing him for a while. When he first approached me to convince you and all, at first I was just appalled by his blatant confidence, but then I noticed almost nothing causes him to falter in the slightest. When I say nothing, it includes loud and sudden physical sounds or movements, which would normally cause even the most alert of people to at least flinch. I slammed a whole locker and he didn’t even budge. He didn’t budge on any of my death threats. I _can_ assume it’s just that he has a thick skin, but with how suspicious he’s acting, one explanation seems more plausible than the other. It makes a lot of sense, especially after seeing the two of them argue their way out of our accusations like snakes. That’s what Lune does; they interrogate PS members, send them to jail, escape our grasps. Brilliantly cunning—who else could it be?”

“Wouldn’t that mean… wouldn’t that mean he has to be some sort of Phantom Scythe member, though?” Lila mutters softly. “Kieran? A PS member?”

“I wouldn’t doubt that,” Lukas says honestly. “He might be kind to you, but even from the mass difference in the way he acts towards you and I, you can tell that the man’s a professional actor. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was planted here as a spy.”

Lila frowns. “That won’t be good for us, though.”

“Or maybe not,” Lukas counters. “ _You’re_ the one who reacted the brightest when you heard Lune is delivering justice to these criminals, I thought you would have some more faith in them. If Kieran is Lune, I’m sure he has better intentions than to help the PS. Even if Kieran was planted here as a spy against his own will, I think he’d somehow use it to his advantage instead. He’s a sneaky little shit, that one.”

Lila smirks, which causes him to raise an eyebrow. “You’re actually really proud of him though, aren’t you?”

Lukas rolls his eyes, but he returns the smirk. He can never go against Lila, after all. “He’s a pain in the ass, but I’d be a fool not to admit that what he’s been doing is pretty impressive. Lauren, too, for that matter. Hermann was a fool for undermining her abilities as a detective, and it’s biting him back in the ass by them being Lune and oversmarting him.”

“When you put it that way, that does sound really amazing of them,” Lila mutters, smiling. “Are you going to do anything about them, then?”

Lukas scoffs. “Of course not. It’s fun to just sit back and watch it all unfold.”

Lila chuckles. “Of course you would. Take it slow, watch it unfold step by step, huh?”

Lukas rests his hand over hers, rubbing circles on her smooth skin in slow strokes. 

“Step by step, indeed.”

**∴**

Proposition: Everything about Lauren Sinclair and Kieran White’s relationship is a lie.

**TODAY HAS TRULY** been an eventful day. Perhaps Kieran should have thought twice before offering to help set up two office couples, which is, in retrospect, a clear invitation for trouble. It probably doesn’t help much that the people they’re meddling with are officers, and that Lauren and him are technically criminals, undercover in the precinct, where their identities are at stake.

He should probably talk to Lauren, maybe bring her a neatly wrapped bouquet of purple hyacinths, because he surely should be regretting this entire thing. It was _his_ idea to begin with, after all.

Is it selfish of him to not be regretting it? Very much so, and yet, when he sees the stolen smiles that she so secretly shares with him whenever she succeeds in one little step of her scheme, he knows he would do it all again if he could.

He knows he shouldn’t, that he shouldn’t even be enjoying her presence as much as he does. He sighs, taking off his glasses the moment he steps out of the APD building, not minding whether anyone’s around to see him without the fickle prop. He can’t wait to just go home and drown himself in the shower, washing all the mental exhaustion from the day away. _Gods_ , how could they be so _stupid_ as to not even make sure their alibis align? Too rookie of a mistake, and he’ll never stop blaming himself if their identities are exposed. Though he’s able to refute each and every one of their arguments earlier, he’s sure the others already know they’re not dating, and will begin to question Lauren and him soon. He’s also pretty confident Kym Ladell, at the very least, is well aware that they are Lune, if not all four of them.

He sighs again, the breath leaving his parted lips in wisps of translucent smoke under the setting sun. He hesitates in his steps away from the APD building, contemplating on whether or not to talk to Lauren—he hasn’t met her after the entire fiasco earlier, and doesn’t quite want to either, not after she’s heard everything he’s been saying, including the lies. Not that she’s free of her faults, of course, but he still feels like it’s mostly his responsibility to claim. And now, he has to somehow talk to her, but he’s not quite sure how.

It doesn’t matter, he finds out soon—because in the midst of the back-and-forth discussion in his own mind, Lauren has come up to him, all ready to head home. She falls into step with him and makes her presence known by a quite ominous greeting, coming from Lauren Sinclair herself: “Long day, huh?”

Kieran doesn’t hide his skeptical look when he glances at her. “Are you here to prolong it even more?”

She shrugs. “Might as well we shove all the surrealness into a day and never see it again, right?” Kieran is mildly surprised when she breaks into a grin, like she’s cracking a joke with an old friend, who he definitely isn’t.

“Are you… alright?”

Lauren blinks. “Sure. Why?”

Kieran turns to face her completely, letting out an incredulous scoff. “Have I been dreaming this entire day, or did you somehow get possessed sometime between this morning and now?”

At this, Lauren does sigh, running a hand through her unruly hair. “I _wish_ this whole thing was a fever dream, then maybe I didn’t have to go through three emotional breakdowns within a single _week_ ,” she says honestly, which only fuels Kieran’s curiosity.

“Did something else happen? Is that why you’ve been so out of it?”

“No, it’s…” Lauren shakes her head. “It’s just— Kieran.”

Kieran blinks, wondering what it could be that makes her speak to him so solemnly, and without a hint of a tease, or even any irritation that is typically omnipresent in her voice.

“So I thought about it—”

“Wow, Lauren Sinclair finally thinking?” He knows she’s trying to be serious, yet he can’t stand the… rawness of her voice, how all too intimate he feels when she’s saying this to him, standing a little too close than they usually do. 

Lauren glares at him briefly, but surprisingly, she allows herself to chuckle at the joke. “Why’d you think it took me three emotional breakdowns to get here?” she even retorts, and Kieran cannot hide the amused, yet flattered smile that breaks across his lips. “Anyway, hear me out first. So I’ve been thinking… about what I want. You know, for winning the bet.”

“It took you _three mental breakdowns_ to come up with that?” Kieran makes a face. Lauren steps on his foot, and he yelps. “Oi! Am I wrong?”

“Nah, but I wanted to get back on you for earlier,” Lauren smirks. 

“You know, if you really want anything that I _can_ give you, I probably will give it to you anyway,” Kieran tells her honestly. “You don’t have to think _too_ hard about it. Besides, you’re not getting rid of me any day soon, take your time in thinking about it.”

“I think you and I both know best that we don’t _have_ time,” Lauren smiles wryly. Well, he can’t quite argue with that.

“Well, okay. What is it that you’ve considered so long and hard for?”

“Go out on a date with me,” Lauren declares. “Like, an actual date.”

Kieran’s jaw hangs open slack. He’s pretty sure Lauren has been drugged, or something, because—did _the_ Lauren Sinclair, the one who despises him with all her heart, just ask him out… on a _date_?

“Oh, don’t be so surprised,” Lauren tries to downplay it, but even he can see that she’s a bit… nervous in her decision? “We’re supposed to be dating, after all.”

“Pretty sure what happened earlier has proven loud and clear that we are _not_ dating, Lauren,” Kieran points out.

“Well after we go on this date they _definitely_ can’t argue with the fact that we’ve gone out on a date, now can they?” Lauren says matter-of-factly, and Kieran rolls his eyes in good nature.

“Now who’s being petty?”

“Oh, come on, are we not on the same side?”

Kieran grins. “I guess, that, we’ve always been.”

When Lauren returns a cheeky grin of her own, eyes forming crescent moons in her delight, he has never wanted more to grab a pencil and immortalize the moment. He thinks the memory will stay, anyway. 

Lauren Sinclair is truly an unforgettable blessing in his life, one he truly doesn’t deserve.

“You have to explain, though, how you came up with the ridiculous idea of going on a date with _me_ ,” Kieran says as they begin to walk. “I’m a mass murderer. I... hurt you, physically and verbally. I don’t see what you want to be doing with me.”

At that, Lauren’s face falls a little, and she throws her head back, sighing to the endless sky. “I know,” she admits. “But so did I harm you, physically and verbally.”

“I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t,” Lauren says sternly. “No one deserves to be harmed, no matter what they’ve done. I was just as wrong as you are.”

“Lauren—”

“You _didn’t_ deserve me screaming at you for being a monster,” she persists. “Especially when I didn’t know better. What we did to each other hurt because we didn’t know better. We were supposed to be professional, and it became personal.”

“And yet, you’re here, asking me out on a _date_.”

“Because I realized something. Kieran—it’s _impossible_ for us to be impersonal.”

Kieran gulps. He does _not_ like where this is going. It’s been his fear from the very start, and yet, he knows it is inevitable. “And why’s that?”

Lauren stops walking, turning to face him. “This, what we’re doing—it’s always been personal to begin with,” she points out. “You and I, both, with our personal losses due to the Scythe. And as we’ve encountered, I _will_ run to my past, and you _will_ run into yours. It’s… I’m not asking for your personal backstory, nor am I going to share mine anytime soon—but the least we can do is… understand each other. Take it from the beginning, start off at the right footing this time.”

Kieran sighs. “Lauren—just because we’re on the same side of this coalition, does not make us equal. You and I… we’re not the same, Lauren. You’re an _officer_ , and I’m an _assassin_.”

“Ugh, sometimes I forget you’re just as stubborn as I am,” Lauren groans, and he’s tempted to chuckle, but he keeps it in. “Listen. This is _my_ wish. The prize for winning the bet, remember?”

“Well, yeah, but you gotta be realistic, Lauren. We’re in this near life-or-death situation by trying to take down the Scythe—”

“Oi, _listen_ , I’m not done talking!” Lauren whines, and Kieran then shuts his mouth. Lauren surely can be demanding when she wants to be (which is almost all the time, really…). “I know it sounds a bit stupid, to ask for a date in the midst of everything, but who knows, Kieran? This might help us become better partners, and maybe we’ll work more effectively without arguments here on.”

“Doubt that,” Kieran mutters. “You find every reason to slander me.”

“Bitch, I’m _trying_ ,” Lauren scowls. “ _You_ keep butting in when I’m trying to _speak_.”

“Okay, sorry, go on.”

Lauren huffs, pushing her hair behind her ears. “Yeah, so I thought we can just… go on a casual date, talk to each other in a civil manner for a change, you know, nothing about work, just about ourselves, so we can understand each other and hopefully not start fights when we’re supposed to be undercover or some shit. And maybe come up with better alibis so that we don’t land ourselves in stupid law traps by my own best friends and coworkers.”

“You actually have a valid point,” Kieran muses.

“Of course I do,” Lauren scoffs, mildly offended. “It only took me three mental breakdowns to get this conclusion.” Kieran nearly chokes up from the unexpected joke, and they fall into laughter. When Lauren regains her breath, she says, “I’m not asking you out to be my boyfriend, I’m asking for a chance for us to talk, as partners of a tragedy, partners in crime. Will you do that?”

“Not that I have much of a choice, considering it’s part of the terms of our bet,” Kieran shrugs. “But honestly, I wouldn’t know _what_ to do. Normally in ‘dates’ I’d lie, like I have a life, but I haven’t lived anything close to a normal life in like… a decade.”

Lauren hums. “You’re not the only one there,” she mutters. “Maybe you can tell me the things you _want_ to do if you do have a normal life. I don’t know, we’ll find some things to talk about, or maybe we can just laze around. You know, like my testament to Will.”

They laugh in synchrony. “That is the worst bullshit you could’ve come up with,” Kieran notes.

“You deadass went and said _I_ fought for us,” Lauren retorts. “That is the most unrealistic shit anyone could _ever_ say.”

Kieran raises an eyebrow. “Aren’t you fighting for us right now?”

Lauren malfunctions at that, and a blush creeps up her neck. “I–I suppose you’re right.” She ducks her head to hide her flusteredness, and Kieran has never found Lauren Sinclair more adorable than this. _Gods_ , the things she does to his long, frozen heart.

“You know, we can technically make every of our statements true,” Kieran suggests. “We can go have our first date over at L’Arlequin—”

“Come on now, ‘you gotta be realistic’,” Lauren quotes, mocking his facial expressions in a way that does not resemble him at all, causing him to scoff. She smirks at the sight. “You said you have ‘friends’ working there, if they recognize you with me that won’t be good for us. Being personal in public won’t do us very much either, unless you plan on lying the entire way, which defeats the purpose of the date to begin with.”

“True. Well… you don’t mind doing it over at my place?”

Lauren cocks her head. “I’m good with that. We can, as you said, talk in peace, and as I said, I’ll laze while you cook, making sure I eat for a change. We’ll be the simple couple you want us to be.”

“And if I give you food poisoning…”

“Then you lose the leader of our team,” Lauren shrugs. 

Kieran blinks a few times before registering her words. “Hey, what do you—”

“So what do you say, subordinate?” she claps, and he rolls his eyes. Of course she would. “Go on a date with me?”

“You know I can’t refuse,” Kieran replies instead.

“Of course you can’t; nobody has ever refused me before,” Lauren agrees haughtily, flipping her hair dramatically. Kieran laughs at her silly antics, and though he wonders what has really gotten into her that she’s behaving in such a way, he cannot help but smile fondly at this side of her. It’s a side he really would have allowed himself to fall for so easily, if not for their terrible circumstances, in opposing sides of the law, opposing ends of humanity.

If only she knows how true her words really are. He smiles to himself, not saying another word about it as he walks her home, a simple ending for the hectic day they’ve been through.

_Disproven by counterexample._ [confirmed]

∎

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i resolved ALL these conflicts (their reaction to lauren being lune, lauren’s confounding feelings for kieran, etc) in the span of a single chapter is astoundingly unrealistic, methinks, and yet this whole fic is unrealistic to begin with so ✨consistency✨
> 
> is it obvious how much i love smiley lauren? i love smiley lauren :D (yes she’s delirious in the end but leave her be she’s exhausted from feeling and thinking)
> 
> ANYWAYYYSSS we're near the end! :D thank you guys so much for sticking around for the ride and for 1.5k hits and nearly 200 kudos! y'all are the best ❤️❤️ thank you so much for reading this chapter and i'll see you soon for the conclusion ;) do let me know what you think—about the fic as a whole, about this chapter, or about what will happen next chapter >:)—whether through comments or through dms (in discord or [le instagram](https://www.instagram.com/pigeonsatdawn/)) if you want to, i'll very much appreciate it!


	8. conclusio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there’s one last set of feelings that lauren sinclair and kieran white haven’t managed to expose, apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _conclusio_ — conclusion
> 
> okay so: surprise!
> 
> it’s not at all good, but you get the mood ;) thank you so much for sticking around and i hope you like the ending ;)

**“YOU HAVEN’T ACTUALLY** stated what you want.”

Kieran looks up from the kitchen sink as he finishes up washing the dishes, his hands moving to shut the running tap. “Huh?”

“The bet,” Lauren shrugs. She’s seated on the stool facing him, resting her chin on a hand while the other arm lays flat on the table. “You won the second bet, you get anything you want.”

Kieran dries his hands, before taking a seat on the chair opposite her. “Right,” he ponders on it for a while. “Okay, I thought of something.”

“Here you are, berating me for not giving much thought into my request, yet throwing one out in less than a minute.”

Kieran shrugs, smirking. “I’ve thought about it for a while, actually.” Not a lie. “I just wasn’t quite sure when to say it, but now’s as good a time as any, I suppose.”

Lauren regards him with deep curiosity. “What is it?”

“I want you… to hear me out.”

She raises an eyebrow, yet his expression remains solemn. “Out of all the things you could ask for, you ask for… an ear?”

“An uninterrupted communication, is what I’m asking for,” Kieran corrects. “I know you have a tendency to argue.”

“No, I do not,” Lauren scoffs.

“You _literally_ just did.”

“Well, I have to argue that I don’t— _gods_ , is this what Lukas felt like when you called him out for thinking about Lila?”

Kieran raises his brows in agreement. “Some things you just can’t get yourself out of,” he smirks cheekily.

“Fine,” she sulks. “I’ll hear you out… and give my arguments _after_.”

“I’d say no arguments, but I think that’s asking too much of you.”

“Indeed, that is. I’ll try not to, anyway. What is it?” What is it about that he doesn’t even want to hear her argument? She’s not sure she’s ready to hear it, but unfortunately it seems like she has no time to prepare for the truth.

Kieran’s face shifts to that of pensivity. He rests his arms on the table ahead of him, linking his hands together. “I know our circumstances are… horrible.”

Lauren is two seconds away from complaining, before remembering his request. She should honor it—after all, he won the bet fair and square, and he did honor _her_ request, even if he’s not completely with the idea. She closes her mouth, nodding instead.

“I’ve hurt you,” Kieran states, soft but clear. “I don’t expect you to see me as anything less than monstrous, and you shouldn’t, because I’ve gone too far to be considered anything human. I know,” he adds hurriedly as he sees the shift in her expressions, ready to fire as always. “I know. You’ve been with me tonight, you’ve seen a decent side of me. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m a murderer, and that I’ve murdered so many people and deprived their families of them.”

Lauren swallows the words back down her gut. He’s not wrong. He never is.

“But I do want you to know…”

Lauren watches him intently. Kieran is rarely ever hesitant in his words, spare that one moment he apologized to her when they were locked in the janitor’s closet in the Carmine Camelia. She doesn’t think she can brace herself for another… raw and honest conversation, but she doesn’t really get a choice anymore. Her hand drops from her chin as she sits a little straighter, her fists clenching a little tighter.

“You helped me… a lot. And for that… I thank you.”

Lauren wants to argue that he’s probably helped her more than she does him. He’s been the one getting progress on their search, the one who’s been saving her life more often than not, even helping her in regards to her _personal_ matters with Tim Sake. If anyone should be thanking anyone, it should be her thanking him, not the other way around.

But she doesn’t interrupt, as she’s promised. She finds that she doesn’t need to, because he clarifies right after: “I don’t mean it in the sense that you helped me in my progress in finding the leader.”

He stays silent for a while, and she watches as his Adam’s apple bob up and down. Clearly, whatever he’s saying is taking him as much effort as it takes for her to digest. Then, he says, “Just… Thank you, Lauren, for a lot of things. I don’t know what your real reasons are for this date, but whatever it is— I hope you’re not getting your hopes up.”

Lauren gives him a questioning look.

“Don’t… forget who I am, Lauren. Don’t mistake me for any other human.”

She hears her heart drop.

She probably should’ve seen it coming. She knows from his infrequent lies that, if there’s anyone who can’t ever forgive the Purple Hyacinth, it’s not Lauren Sinclair—it’s Kieran White himself.

Lauren lets out a shaky exhale, trying for a smile, but it wavers weakly. “You know, if Will is here, he’ll probably call you out on his logic bullshit.”

Kieran blinks. “Huh?”

“Your statements are contradictory. You tell me not to see you as human, but you’re showing me a side of you that’s… painfully human.” 

For a moment, the world seems to slow down as she looks into his cerulean eyes, filled with so much emotion that it doesn’t feel like she’s looking at Kieran White himself, and yet, terribly him at the same time. Truly, she thinks, that when the two of them—the biggest set of contradictions to ever exist—are placed together, all sorts of things happen, and everything between them simply feels like a series of explosions.

Kieran mirrors her sad smile, and lets his gaze fall to his hands, where his fingers fiddle with each other. Then he recomposes himself, giving her a forced smirk. 

“Okay, here’s a deal.”

“A _deal_?”

“Let’s try not to fall in love with each other.”

Lauren blinks, then a few more times. She lets out a speechless scoff. “I—now hold on a second. Let’s not even assume we’ll ever _fall in love_ with each other to begin with,” she says with a disbelieving chuckle, eyes wide. She doesn’t quite understand why her heart is picking up the speed at which it pumps, to the point she’s sure even _he_ can hear her heartbeat.

Kieran’s grin definitely does nothing to slow it down. “Sure, love. The way you speak of me, you make it sound like you’re already halfway there.”

“Says you, Mr. Kieran ‘you helped me a lot’ White.”

Kieran shrugs. “Which is why I’m offering the bet. First to fall, loses.”

“Gods, I can’t believe you,” Lauren exhales, pushing her hair back. “What will I even _gain_ from this?”

“Well, y’know, if you win, there’s none of that moral dilemma that comes with loving an assassin, you can spare yourself the heartbreak when I eventually get myself killed, et cetera…”

Lauren wants to smirk, but the joke hits a little too close to home for her to even feel the mirth. “And if you win? What do _you_ gain?”

Kieran lets out a soft smile, one she definitely _hasn’t_ been expecting, and it tugs on her heartstrings even further. “I don’t know, one less detriment from being a ruthless murderer?”

“The truth, Kieran.”

“Was I lying?”

“The _real_ truth.”

“Do you _really_ want to know the truth?” Kieran challenges, an eyebrow raised. “You don’t want to bet to lose, will you?”

As always, he realizes earlier than she does—he knows that her knowing his true intentions will only make her have more pity for him, and that she’ll lose way faster if he keeps showing her that human side of his, the side that makes her want to like him—or even _love_ him.

He’s right, as he is always.

She can’t love him.

And because Kieran White has a point—that they _shouldn’t_ fall in love with each other, that they’re too impossible—that one is an assassin and the other is a police officer, that they cannot afford to love the other with all their heart without their mind giving them hell for it—she knows that his bet is for their own benefit, that it is best to go along with it, to fight her growing feelings for as long as she can.

He offers a hand, and she is taken back to all their previous deals under the moonlight.

Have any of them ever been a good idea? No, and this one will probably be the worst one yet. But Lauren Sinclair is never really good at making wise decisions to begin with, and she cannot deny the thrill that comes along the prospect of the bet. 

She _can’t_ love him.

She takes the hand. Electric sparks shoot up her nerves, and she familiarizes the feeling—this is something she’ll have to get used to, if she wants to win.

“So it begins, _mon amour_ ,” Kieran says softly, a playful smirk on his face—because this is meant to be a competition to them.

“So it begins, subordinate.”

And though by all logic, it makes complete sense for Lauren Sinclair to be confident in winning—because after all, how can she love the Purple Hyacinth?—no explanation can satisfy the urge to look away from his gaze, the feeling of fireworks in her gut, the clenching of the heart.

She can’t love him.

She thinks she can hear her heart trash against her ribcage in resistance, screaming otherwise.

_Perhaps contradictions have always been better left unexplored to begin with._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hence: you cannot logic feelings 💔 
> 
> no, there won’t be a sequel, this is it, the conclusion, the end, the— okay time to yeet myself 🏇🏻🏇🏻
> 
> OKAY FR that’s the end for this fic—thank you so much for reading until the very end, genuinely, and i hope you liked it because i sure enjoyed writing this and seeing your reactions! kudos, comments, bookmarks will be very very much appreciated!! i love you all very very much, stay safe, take care, and i will see you when i see you ;) ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> (next i will bring you a fic written entirely in code 🤩)


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